# Tactlessness on Social Media

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [October 18, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644 "2014-10-18T01:26:04Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\
**Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/41 "2014-10-21T14:43:40Z")

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> [@GreedySmurf](#):
>
> First up i suppose, do you think that was tactless? She knows she’s friends with my wife and I on Facebook, so we’re going to see the post.

No, I don’t think it was tactless at all. I suppose that, in theory, she could have said nothing, waved aside any notice people took of her only eating rice with a “Oh, I’m just not very hungry” and declined offers of tastes of other people’s food with “Oh, it looks delicious but really I’m not hungry” and you would been protected from an inkling there was an issue. But it seems highly unlikely that you would in reality have gotten through the night without finding out you’d invited someone out for a dinner she couldn’t eat and feeling bad about that fact. I mean, that’s what your real problem with her post is, right? It gave you that “Oh shit, I’m such a thoughtless clod” feeling that I always get when I realize I’ve invited someone over and there’s nothing they can eat.\* You would have had that feeling anyway, so the only real question is whether you’d rather have it before the party or during.

\*It’s only happened two or three times, but it’s so incredibly miserable when it does that two or three times is enough for a lifetime.

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**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\
**Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/42 "2014-10-21T15:36:25Z")

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> [@Leaper](#):
>
> So you and/or your friend consider fish in general to be meat, and not its own category?
> 
> (It’s still weird to look at a jellyfish and think, yeah, that’s made of meat.)

Fish is not a vegetable, it’s not a fruit, and it’s not grain. What other categories of food do you know about?

I also thought it was extremely well-mannered to graciously accept an invitation and then not say a peep (in person) or try to negotiate someone else’s birthday celebration. When my friends do that, I’m inclined to uninvite them (and I would if I thought that wouldn’t be even more rude).

“My birthday dinner is at XYZ restaurant on ABC date at DEF time.”

Annoying friend: Oh, we just took my mom there. Can we go to PQR restaurant instead?

Or, Well I’m busy, how about STU date at GHI time?

Why are you negotiating my birthday? If you can’t make it, decline. But don’t be trying to change the venue, activity, date, and time that I’ve chosen to celebrate my birthday. Pretty soon, I’ll be doing what you want for my birthday, wishing I was instead doing what I’d originally planned. :mad:

I learned to just not negotiate, “Sorry, I’m not changing it. I’ll miss you! Wish you could be there! Maybe next year?”

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