# Take a gander! What's good for this goose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554 "2012-03-22T23:14:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/1 "2012-03-22T23:14:51Z")
Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re taking a walk outside. You’re wearing pants, a shirt, and shoes. You’re holding a half-full bottle of water. An angry goose comes out of nowhere, hissing and squawking and flapping, and starts chasing you. Also assume, hypothetically, that you can’t outrun it (it’s a supergoose and will always run faster than you), although you will successfully escape after you perform one of the above actions. You fully believe it intends to bite you. What would you do? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/2 "2012-03-22T23:26:07Z")
I’d try squirting the water at it and then use the empty bottle to try and fend the SG (not shredder guy) off. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/3 "2012-03-22T23:40:50Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > I’d try squirting the water at it and then use the empty bottle to try and fend the SG (not shredder guy) off. I approve of this method more than any of the options in the poll. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/4 "2012-03-22T23:47:57Z")
I’d use the bottle and/or a shoe to try to fend off the attacks without (if I can help it) actually physically assaulting the bird – feinting with the bottle, and such. If I got into a position where I felt I _had_ to hit the bird in defense, I’d try very hard not to make it a permanently damaging type of blow. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/5 "2012-03-22T23:53:36Z")
Agreement with **Asimovian**. (Is it only coincidence that Isaac Asimov is one of my very favorite writers?) Yeah, a goose bite hurts a little, but, overall, the critter is a lot more fragile than I am, and is only obeying its blind instincts, so it’s a little unfair of me to go full-moose nuclear on it. (That’s for Christmas Eve…) ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/6 "2012-03-23T00:10:46Z")
Oh, I didn’t even think of that option. Good call! I’m asking because there is a pair of loud geese nesting outside of my work building (for some reason they won’t or can’t relocate the nest). I would assume they’re outrunnable, but I figured I’d ask for the most humane option just in case one happens to corner me. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/7 "2012-03-23T02:07:22Z")
SHOOT IT and claim self defense.\* [sub]\* Strategy good in Florida and 21 other states.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/8 "2012-03-23T02:11:00Z")
I’d not hesitate to escalate to deadly force to stop an attack if necessary. Geese are nasty, plentiful, and very aggressive. I’ll help preserve them as a species, but not as individuals. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/9 "2012-03-23T02:17:48Z")
Stare the goose down with a look that says you would be delicious stuffed and roasted. Approach slowly, but with the serious intent to make that happen. Geese are big and scary and nasty, but they’re also still dinner for a lot of critters. Think like a predator and remind them of that. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/10 "2012-03-23T02:30:21Z")
I’d kick it, but mostly on instinct rather than planning. Chucking a water bottle at it sounds good to me. Squirting it is worth a shot, but I wouldn’t count on that deterring waterfowl. I don’t want to kill a goose that’s trying to defend its nest, but I’m not going to stand there and let it hurt me either. They can’t kill you, but they can put you in a lot of pain. If it does come within kicking range, or starts becoming more aggressive in general, do tell someone in a position to do something about it. (Maintenance? Security? HR?) Your employer does have a duty to provide safe working conditions. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/11 "2012-03-23T02:39:23Z")
I’ve been attacked by geese and swans. They’re very intimidating but unless you’re physically handicapped in some way they really can’t hurt you much. I just kick at them and back away. Obviously I could kill any goose or swan I could get my hands on, but really I’m a lover not a fighter. I have tried the “I’m a predator and I think I’ll eat you” stand and stare down tactic, but it doesn’t seem to work on them like it does other animals. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/12 "2012-03-23T02:55:27Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > What would you do? Why, this is a job for… _[“STUPOR DUCK!!!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=NWzROoxS2b4#t=20s)_ ---
**Author:** ![XaMcQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/f9ae1b/32.png) [@XaMcQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XaMcQ)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/13 "2012-03-23T03:05:42Z")
If I couldn’t outrun it, I’d try threat display, yelling, but if the thing insisted on biting, I’d probably kick it. Hopefully not too hard. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/14 "2012-03-23T03:08:18Z")
You might want to think about carrying a canned air horn with you for the next few weeks. Geese can get \*very \*aggressive when they’re nesting. Some cultures have used them as guard animals! ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/15 "2012-03-23T03:59:19Z")
I would just keep walking. I have never met a goose with teeth. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/16 "2012-03-23T04:01:07Z")
Any excuse to kick a goose is good enough for me. How could anyone pick anything else?? ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/17 "2012-03-23T04:11:00Z")
roar, thump my chest and flail my arms around wildly. ME HUNGRY! ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/18 "2012-03-23T04:11:09Z")
Where we used to kennel our dogs when I was a kid, they had geese. Those suckers were mean! You absolutely could not turn your back on them or they would run after you and bit the backs of your legs. It really, really hurt. I would start by throwing my water bottle at it and then kick it if I had to. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/19 "2012-03-23T04:22:34Z")
I’d probably kick. I wouldn’t try to hurt the goose initially. But if it was persistent, I’d kick it hard. It’s just a goose. I eat those things. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/20 "2012-03-23T04:32:43Z")
I walk with a hickory cane. No goose can stand up to a poke from that. Or a hard swing. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554.md?page=2)