# Take a gander! What's good for this goose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554 "2012-03-22T23:14:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/21 "2012-03-23T06:29:40Z")
My grandmother grew up on a small farm and there was one goose who used to chase her around when she was little. Until one day she turned around, wacked it good and hard. It avoid her from then on. I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same damned thing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/22 "2012-03-23T06:46:55Z")
Low kick that motherbitch. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/23 "2012-03-23T07:09:22Z")
Wring it’s neck and cook it. Goose is _really_ yummy. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/24 "2012-03-23T09:02:07Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Wring its neck and cook it. Goose is _really_ yummy. I hear it can be kinda greasy, though. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/25 "2012-03-23T17:01:01Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > I would just keep walking. I have never met a goose with teeth. Yeah, I’d be more worried about being buffeted by a wing than being beaked. Generally, moving away non-threateningly will get them to back down, unless you’re in a Stephen King novel. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/26 "2012-03-23T17:03:27Z")
Some great responses, I really appreciate it 🙂 I had a few run-ins with geese as a kid. I grew up next to a local lake. It wasn’t huge, but big enough to build a dam through. We had a decent population of ducks and geese, and I was chased on more than one occasion by the alpha-goose. I called him Papa Goose. He was a big gray jerk who liked to chase little kids walking to the playground and hiss at them, heh. Pretty slow, but still mean. Kept us on our toes! At least he was easy to outrun… ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/27 "2012-03-23T17:23:47Z")
Carry a prominently displayed bag of stuffing. Or just give in and buy the Afflac policy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/28 "2012-03-23T17:47:12Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I hear it can be kinda greasy, though. Yes, like duck, but not quite as greasy as duck. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/29 "2012-03-23T17:48:10Z")
Kick it, good and hard. Let’s see who’s at the top of the food chain. Seriously, my neighborhood is full of those darn things, and I hate them. They’re loud, they’re aggressive, they tie up traffic, and they crap everywhere. Actually, I am usually walking with the dog, and I suspect 75 lbs. of German Shepherd would represent a impediment to goose attack, but otherwise we go for the field goal on goosie ass. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/30 "2012-03-23T17:56:58Z")
We have a pair of geese on our pond. When my gf travels for work, it is my responsibility to care for them. When the male charges me, I stand my ground and allow him to approach. timing things just right, I grab his neck just below his head with my left hand. I then swoop my right hand/arm under him and scoop/throw him into the pond. You would thing he’d learn or adapt, but we do this dance each time. HTH. ETA: damn bird has never attacked my gf, just me. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/31 "2012-03-23T17:57:57Z")
I voted to kick it, which is probably what I would do. A large, agressive animal deserves no padded gloves. (A really large and aggressive animal might deserve a pair of heels, on the other hand.) I wouldn’t go so far as to injure the animal, which I don’t believe a kick would do - I’m not talking about a 45-yard field goal attempt type of kick in steeltoed boots. Just a firm boot around the sternum to let it know who’s boss. I’d expect to lift it off its feet and get it to open both wings, flapping and squawking, and move it back a foot or two. Geese like this are usually quite large or they wouldn’t have the temerity to run up to a person aggressively (that, or they’ve never been taught respect). First of all I’d look down/around me though. I’d feel like a real heel if after kicking an aggressive goose around a few times, I discovered I’d walked into its nest and crushed or almost crushed some eggs or goslings. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Mithras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mithras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithras)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/32 "2012-03-23T18:09:13Z")
My favorite work email I’ve ever received was due to geese nesting in the parking lot. It informed us it was illegal to harm the geese or their eggs due to the Migratory Bird Treaty Act (likely why the nest can’t be moved). I don’t know what the exceptions of the treaty are, but you might be legally obligated to let the thing bite you. Anyway, the advice from that email was: > [@](#): > > 1. Maintain direct eye contact with the animal and face toward it. > > 2. If the goose acts aggressively, calmly and slowly back away. > > 3. Maintain a neutral demeanor, do not act hostile or show fear. > > 4. Never turn you back to an aggressive goose. > > 5. If a goose flies toward your face duck and move at a right angle to the direction of flight while maintaining your front toward the goose. I’ve never practiced, but I can’t imagine running exactly sideways while keeping my body directly facing a goose flying at my head. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/33 "2012-03-23T18:13:23Z")
I did nothing to provoke the attack? Then the goose is dinner. Spray water in its face to distract it, then wring its neck. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/34 "2012-03-23T18:16:03Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Yeah, a goose bite hurts a little, but, overall, the critter is a lot more fragile than I am, and is only obeying its blind instincts, so it’s a little unfair of me to go full-moose nuclear on it. (That’s for Christmas Eve…) A long time ago I was vegetarian and got threatened by a dog. I was carrying a pretty stout walking stick, and I decided then that I’d treat animals with humane kindness as long as they respected their presence in the human world. If an animal insists on treating me as if I’m a wild animal, I will respond as a wild animal. No harm no fowl, but if you want to bite me, you can expect to get kicked. > [@kayaker](#): > > We have a pair of geese on our pond. When my gf travels for work, it is my responsibility to care for them. When the male charges me, I stand my ground and allow him to approach. timing things just right, I grab his neck just below his head with my left hand. I then swoop my right hand/arm under him and scoop/throw him into the pond. > > You would thing he’d learn or adapt, but we do this dance each time. HTH. > > ETA: damn bird has never attacked my gf, just me. That’s because your girlfriend doesn’t give him a Catapult Ride every time he runs up. When you throw him, he’s shouting, “WEEEEEEEEEEEE!” ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/35 "2012-03-23T18:35:16Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I’d not hesitate to escalate to deadly force to stop an attack if necessary. Geese are nasty, plentiful, and very aggressive. I’ll help preserve them as a species, but not as individuals. This. I would not start the fight, but I would kick him just as hard as I could and end it. It’s natural selection, the successful goose is one that doesn’t charge the monkeys that have shoes on their feet. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/36 "2012-03-23T18:37:10Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > That’s because your girlfriend doesn’t give him a Catapult Ride every time he runs up. When you throw him, he’s shouting, “WEEEEEEEEEEEE!” That, and they have an 18 year relationship.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/37 "2012-03-23T19:21:28Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > We have a pair of geese on our pond. When my gf travels for work, it is my responsibility to care for them. When the male charges me, I stand my ground and allow him to approach. timing things just right, I grab his neck just below his head with my left hand. I then swoop my right hand/arm under him and scoop/throw him into the pond. > > You would thing he’d learn or adapt, but we do this dance each time. HTH. > > ETA: damn bird has never attacked my gf, just me. Yeah, cos you keep throwing him in the pond ya bastard! ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/38 "2012-03-23T19:30:47Z")
Last time I was menaced by a swan it was because I’d had the temerity to try to take its picture. I recognised that I’d invaded its personal space and did the confident backing away thing. It worked. The most horrible geese I ever met were at a wildlife park. Only about half a metre high with necks extended, they were free range and spent their time bullying people for food. I was nice to them at first and for my pains got followed about by the horrible hissing, honking, nipping pair. I finally lost them at the cafe, when they spotted a family with little kids. There the strategy was to threaten to make the kids cry unless the parents gave them food, lots of food. Even cute, pretty geese can be nasty nasty birds. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/39 "2012-03-23T19:44:47Z")
If you decide to throw your bottle of water at it, turn to page 36. If you decide to kick it, turn to page 53. If you take off your shoe and throw it, turn to page 104. If you do nothing and let it bite you, turn to page 12. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/40 "2012-03-23T19:46:02Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > If you decide to throw your bottle of water at it, turn to page 36. > If you decide to kick it, turn to page 53. > If you take off your shoe and throw it, turn to page 104. > If you do nothing and let it bite you, turn to page 12. Goose Your Own Adventure! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554.md?page=3)