# Take a gander! What's good for this goose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554 "2012-03-22T23:14:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/41 "2012-03-23T19:56:27Z")
^^^ That’s exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP, lol. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/42 "2012-03-23T20:03:12Z")
When I went to college we had a horrible goose infestation. Thousands of geese around the campus. All over the walkways, goose shit _everwhere_ to the point that it was protocol to take your shoes off when you walked into a dorm because they would be caked with it (goose crap doesn’t look like bird crap, it’s more like cat crap). They were LOUD. We went to bed and woke up every morning to the honking. Also, as the OP stated, they were nasty and aggressive. I don’t know of anyone that was attacked or bitten but they would hiss and advance at you when you walked by them. It was bad enough that the school looked into poisoning\* the fields to get rid of them. Ooooh and you should have heard the outcry from the neighboring counties. “They’re just nice little geese” “Oh, they aren’t hurting anyone, just leave them alone” etc etc etc. Luckily the host of one of the radio shows that was taking these callers explained it the way I did. Most of the people didn’t understand it the way we did. The only experience they had with geese was the same as most people had with ducks. They’d see a few down by a pond or flying overhead, but that was about it. They’d never seen 20 of them between the back door and their car when they needed to get to work. They’d never been hissed at when they walked past one. They’d never seen hundreds of them in the parking lot at work and then spent 20 minutes scraping the crap out of their shoes when they got home… But I digress. Having said all that, if I knew one of the options would keep me from getting bitten, I’d chuck my water bottle at it. I’d don’t see any reason to kick it since it would have to be close enough to bite me for me to kick it, I can throw the bottle at it from farther away. If it was that close and I thought it was going to bite me, yup, it would get a boot to the belly (or the face). \*The plan was to poison the grass to make the geese leave and go somewhere else, not actually poison the geese directly and not do anything to make them sick or kill them. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/43 "2012-03-23T20:38:29Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I’d not hesitate to escalate to deadly force to stop an attack if necessary. Geese are nasty, plentiful, and very aggressive. I’ll help preserve them as a species, but not as individuals. Agreed. I’d be tempted to kick a goose even if it wasn’t chasing me. When they crowd the sidewalk and glare at me with their beady little eyes I come close but they eventually get out of my way. They know that any court in the land would call it justifiable goosicide. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/44 "2012-03-23T21:09:33Z")
I used to work with some extremely agressive [Nēnē](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nene_%28bird%29) geese. Very rare, highly protected little shits. I had to pick up litter around their favourite spot, so my head was frequently at beak height. I never got pecked that I remember, after learning how to make them back off. Keep eye contact, and first off, take a few steps towards them- if that doesn’t make them back off, reach out slowly as though you’re going to grab their neck from behind, and almost all geese/swans freak out, as they’re trying to keep both your eyes and your hand in focus at the same time, and can’t, so they back off until they can. Don’t then turn your back until its a few metres away, or it might decide you quit the ‘fight’ and dart back in. Only had that fail once, with a swan, it let me get my hand all the way round, then started hissing and trying to peck it… I decided not to press the point and legged it, but I was only about 12 at the time. If you think about it, from its point of view, you _have_ done something to offend it- you invaded its territory and threatened its nest, even if you didn’t mean to. They do have relatively fragile bones, like all birds, so I can’t recommend a kick. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/45 "2012-03-23T21:41:39Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > No harm no fowl, So, _don’t_ kick the goose, then. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/46 "2012-03-24T04:09:23Z")
Geese mate for life so if you kill one, the other one will become a widow and you’ll feel like shit for ever as it just stands there staring at it’s dead mate. So feel bad for a few minutes with a goose bite or feel bad forever? It’s your choice. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/47 "2012-03-24T07:38:45Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > I would just keep walking. I have never met a goose with teeth. This. How the fuck is it gonna hurt me? I’m way more likely to hurt it by stepping on it accidentally if it tries to confront me. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/48 "2012-03-24T14:22:22Z")
They don’t need teeth to cause injury. > [@](#): > > In 1999, 107 cases of attacks by Canada geese on people and 94 traffic hazards due to Canada geese were reported (US Fish and Wildlife Service Division of Migratory Birds 2009). With Canada geese being in proximity to humans, the likelihood of an attack is greater. Attacks primarily occur during spring when Canada geese are nesting and can cause “serious physical injury, such as broken bones, head injuries, and emotional distress” (Ohio Department of Natural Resources 2010). The elderly and children are more prone to injuries because they “lack strength and maneuverability to avoid attacks” (US Fish and Wildlife Service Division of Migratory Birds 2009). [http://icwdm.org/handbook/birds/CanadaGeese/HumanSafety.aspx](http://icwdm.org/handbook/birds/CanadaGeese/HumanSafety.aspx) I mean, it’s not a goosepocalypse or anything, but they CAN hurt people. OTOH, "A publication of the Illinois Department of Natural Resources says, “Most of the injuries associated with goose attacks are related to falling, rather than being struck by a wing or being bitten.” " [http://www.vslawltd.com/resources.asp](http://www.vslawltd.com/resources.asp) So as long as you’re not abnormally short (child) or stooped over (elderly) so that your eyes are within reach of the beak, it’s probably worth standing your ground and trying to intimidate the goose with noise and body language. You may be more likely to injure yourself by running away. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/49 "2012-03-24T14:31:43Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > They don’t need teeth to cause injury. Our geese “pinch and twist”, leaving a nasty bruise. They basically grab you (typically the thigh when you wear shorts) then twist their head very hard. Hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/50 "2012-03-24T21:05:29Z")
“Our” geese? They should be shot for their insolence! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/51 "2012-03-24T21:27:14Z")
Who are the 5 masochists on the board who want to get bitten by a goose -\_-. Glad to see that at least 33 of us have the good sense to kick these things. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/52 "2012-03-24T21:54:02Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > So as long as you’re not abnormally short (child) or stooped over (elderly) so that your eyes are within reach of the beak, it’s probably worth standing your ground and trying to intimidate the goose with noise and body language. You may be more likely to injure yourself by running away. I’d like to see statistics for injuries to people who ignore the goose and just keep walking calmly along. It seems like the injuries are caused by panicked attempts to escape geese, not by the geese themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/53 "2012-03-26T18:05:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > “serious physical injury, such as broken bones, head injuries, and emotional distress” (Ohio Department of Natural Resources 2010). Not to pick on you, but the Ohio Department of Natural Resources considers emotional distress a category of “serious physical injury?” I find that…_emotionally distressing._ ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/54 "2012-03-26T18:06:18Z")
Are the geese wearing hoodies? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/55 "2012-03-26T19:46:29Z")
I’ve been bitten by a goose before. That sucker’s getting booted. ---
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/56 "2012-03-26T20:09:47Z")
Squirting water is a nice idea, but I doubt it would deter an aggressive goose. Remember, they love water. I’d do nothing at first. I’ve been bitten by a goose and it wasn’t that bad. If it persisted, I’d yell at it and try to shoo it away, but I’d never kick it or throw anything at it. It’s just a _goose_ fer chrissakes! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/57 "2012-03-26T20:24:00Z")
> [@Jasper\_Kent](#): > > Squirting water is a nice idea, but I doubt it would deter an aggressive goose. Remember, they love water. I’d do nothing at first. I’ve been bitten by a goose and it wasn’t that bad. If it persisted, I’d yell at it and try to shoo it away, but I’d never kick it or throw anything at it. It’s just a _goose_ fer chrissakes! That “it’s just a goose” thing works both ways. If you try to hurt me and you’re a toddler, I’ll be pretty forgiving, since you lack moral capacity but you are pretty valuable in my world. But if you try to hurt me and you’re a goose? I roasted a chicken for dinner last night for no reason other than I thought it would be tasty; she didn’t even try to peck me. An animal that tries to hurt me gets very little mercy from me. That said, I’d be likeliest to turn around and give it a cross between my Teacher Stare and my Roar of Doom. I’m really a terrible fighter, but I can project an intimidating presence when I need to, and I’d want the goose to think, “Holy crap, I’m about to die, run away!” I figure that geese have got a pretty well-developed prey instinct, and I’d want to grab them by that instinct and shake them around. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/58 "2012-03-26T21:22:11Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > That “it’s just a goose” thing works both ways. If you try to hurt me and you’re a toddler, I’ll be pretty forgiving, since you lack moral capacity but you are pretty valuable in my world. But if you try to hurt me and you’re a goose? I roasted a chicken for dinner last night for no reason other than I thought it would be tasty; she didn’t even try to peck me. An animal that tries to hurt me gets very little mercy from me. “No Lassie, stay back. That’s LHOD and he’s looking pretty hungry!”😃 ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/59 "2012-03-27T12:13:22Z")
Turn & face the goose. Crouch low. With your dominant hand reach out and grasp the neck below the head, not difficult to do. The goose will be flapping rapidly now. Draw the goose in and cradle the wings to it’s body with your other arm and secure the bird underneath that arm, taking care to hold the legs above the feet (the feet have claws) and be sure to give room to the anus so that the bird cannot mess on you. After the bird has calmed (aid this by gently moving it’s head to the body) maintain control with calm speech and quiet action. After a few minutes if you have decided not to kill it, you can release the animal. Having been thoroughly dominated it is less likely to be aggressive to you. Geese are very intelligent birds and have an ample learning ability. Or you can just give it a solid kick in the breastplate. Use the top of your shoe (not the toe) to distribute the force evenly. Though the bird has some mass they will move. Several kicks may be necessary to prove the point. (Having raised geese in the past 3 years) ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554/60 "2012-03-27T14:21:13Z")
I’d likely miss, but my first instinct would be to throw my water bottle, especially if the darn thing ambushed me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-a-gander-whats-good-for-this-goose/616554.md?page=4)