# Take the Sparks new Bastard Test!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669 "2000-03-12T03:56:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sentinel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sentinel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sentinel)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/21 "2000-03-12T07:13:00Z")
**Gee. Gosh. NO ONE is going to believe this!** 32% bastard! 18% of which is Tard The worldwide average is 42% bastard. How others compare: 3% (same as you) 24% (less bastard than you) 73% (more bastard than you) šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Kiva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@Kiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiva)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/22 "2000-03-12T08:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I took the ā€œbitchā€ test. I guess Iā€™m not as bad as I thought > The results are in. You are certifiably: > 28% bitch! > which is lower than the worldwide average 38% Me too, Jeannie. Which makes me feel vaguely uneasy. 28% is soā€¦uncommital. It almost makes me want to go out, buy some high heels, and step on people. Or buy hairspray. Either that or join a convent. ---
**Author:** ![Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/97f17d/32.png) [@Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nu_Vo_Da_Da)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/23 "2000-03-12T08:20:00Z")
16%, 9% of which is tard. Just out of curiosity, what the hell is tard? ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/24 "2000-03-12T10:49:00Z")
51% bastard; 29% tard Iā€™m a majority bastard. You miserable pieces of shit for whom I have no use. (kidding) * * * ā€œYou should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment.ā€ - Bill Hicks ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/25 "2000-03-12T11:05:00Z")
40% Bastard, 22% Tard [Is this good, bad, or ugly?] * * * If at first you donā€™t succeed youā€™re about average. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/26 "2000-03-12T13:02:00Z")
Bastardā€“37% Tard-21% As for the rest of youā€¦ **YOU ALL KILLED KENNY!!!** So, be yourselves. šŸ™‚ * * * You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks ā€œYou should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.ā€ - Bill Clinton ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/27 "2000-03-12T13:40:00Z")
I am 33% bastard. Yay! What does that get me?! ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/28 "2000-03-12T14:20:00Z")
Not bad, only 41% bastard, Iā€™m mellowing out in my old age šŸ˜ƒ * * * _ā€¦send lawyers, guns, and moneyā€¦_ ``` Warren Zevon ``` ---
**Author:** ![Glenoled](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Glenoled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glenoled)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/29 "2000-03-12T14:38:00Z")
I got 26% bastard, 14% of which is tard I guess Iā€™m not as bad as I thoughtā€¦ and for Nu Vo Da Da, tard = retard. * * * I donā€™t suffer from insanityā€¦ I enjoy every minute of it! ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/30 "2000-03-12T15:54:00Z")
Hey Glenoled, Iā€™m 26% Bastard, 14% tard as well. Maybe we can start the Quarter-Bastard club. ---
**Author:** ![Yankee\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7ea924/32.png) [@Yankee\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yankee_Blue)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/31 "2000-03-12T16:19:00Z")
37% bitch! which is lower than the worldwide average 38% Iā€™m not sure if I should be pleased Iā€™m below average here or notā€¦ * * * All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/32 "2000-03-13T06:00:00Z")
Well, I took the bitch test and got a score of 44% bitch, which is higher than the worldwide average of 38%. What is really funny is that I had my hubby take the bastard test and his score was 44% bastard, 25% of which was tard (tard? what in the hell is a tard?) * * * Shadowfox ā€œThe dead have risen, and theyā€™re voting Republican!ā€ - Bart Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/33 "2000-03-12T23:50:00Z")
79% Bastard. I beat all of you. Losers. ---
**Author:** ![CalifBoomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@CalifBoomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalifBoomer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/34 "2000-03-13T02:42:00Z")
61% Bastard & only 34% tard. Way up there. So watch it. ---
**Author:** ![Rectangle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c4cdca/32.png) [@Rectangle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rectangle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/35 "2000-03-13T07:54:00Z")
33% bastard! 18% of which is Tard * * * I pity the fool that brings a knife to a gun fight. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/36 "2000-03-13T08:30:00Z")
Itā€™s official! I am 54% BITCH! A whopping **90%** are less bitchy than me! * * * I have a hobby. I have the worldā€™s largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe youā€™ve seen some of it. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/37 "2000-03-13T19:08:00Z")
OK, Iā€™m 32% bastard, 18% tard. So, does that mean the other 14% is bas? Did I miss the whole explanation of ā€œtardā€ somewhere? Help me out, people. * * * ā€¦but when you get blue, and youā€™ve lost all your dreams, thereā€™s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans! ---
**Author:** ![Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/38 "2000-03-13T19:34:00Z")
30% Bastard, 17% Tard. I love some of the leading questions, almost like asking someone ā€œWhen did you stop beating your wife?ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/39 "2000-03-13T19:38:00Z")
52% bitch What kinda shit is this? ā€˜cause I like beer and talk alot of shit about my friends behind their backs and no one makes me do what I donā€™t want and I got a big fuckinā€™ ass tatoo. That salesgirl deserved to be smacked, spraying me with that stinky crap when nobody asked her to. WHATCHU LOOKIN AT?! * * * Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny ā€“ Ralph Wiggum ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669/40 "2000-03-13T19:54:00Z")
OK I feel dirty. 62% bastard. 35% of which is Tard. What the hell is tard? That makes me, what, 2nd as the most bastardly? and Iā€™m a chick. Damn, I am evil. * * * Iā€™ll buy that for a dollar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-the-sparks-new-bastard-test/14669.md?page=3)