If the event is a compulsory part of your job, I’d imagine any injury would be covered by workmen’s comp. I hope companies stupid enough to pull this shit get drowned in claims.
Had it been me, I’d’ve woven the facilitator into the spiderweb to make a lovely and functional planter.
Robin
Where would you put the ficus?
At that point, since I was laid off and had nothing to lose, I’d say that out loud.
To his face.
I’d like to find the person at KrapMart who came up with the idea of the “Kmart Cheer!” every morning. Spelling out “GO KMART!” and clapping at 8 am makes me homicidal. It was a damned good thing I didn’t work back in sporting goods near the firearms.
I seem to remember that you once posted a picture of yourself wearing a really creepy smile (I wouldn’t know where to find it, though). I bet if you’d smiled at them like that, they’d have gently sat you down and slowly backed away! 
Use your imagination? 
Robin
That episode was classic. I like Richard’s line at the beginning “There’s no I in team, well there’s no I in huge waste of money either.” And if I’m not mistaken, CBC shows it Tuesday to friday at 1:30 in the afternoon (at least here in New Brunswick).
To end that hijack, my journalism teacher in grade 12 made us do that crap too. Every second class was stuff like “what colour is your balloon”. I messed up the birthday thing because apparently my balloon was orange…
I did do that. Got glared at, mainly by the hominid resources dweeb and the personnel of the program. Then I gently pointed out my various physical problems and said that if I do anything in that progam that makes any problem the slightest bit worse, I would sue the living bejesus out of the company, the HR idiot personally, the camp personnel as a corporate entity and singly as private individuals. I then pointed out that I had the best call volume in the call center, and the most appointments set, the most problems dealt with, and that they paid me to answer phones, and perform other very specific duties, and that I was going to go and sit under a tree and read the company founders autobiography,and they could all sod off. Oddly, about half of the people there ended up under the tree with me, and nobody got into trouble.
Do companies still do that stuff? I used to be a management consultant, and we abandoned that sort of thing like 10, 15 years ago. It obviously was a waste of time. I didn’t think anybody did that stuff anymore.
As long as management can be duped into paying big bucks for useless services, there will be team-building retreats.
See, this is why I loved my old school district. Our yearly retreat was two days long - six hours of looking over student stats followed by barbecue, beer, horseshoes, and then a soak in the Olympic sized hot tub. None of this team building bullshit.
I’d still be there, expect for the part about moving 1200 miles away. sigh
I don’t do trust falls.
I had one of these retreat things for school. I informed the Sadist running it that I didn’t do trust falls and when pressed reiterated that I didn’t trust very many of my classmates.
I’m way more stubborn than the average motivator so I got to watch.
I’m confused: Jesus is either your lawyer or your personal assistant. 
We do this shit about twice a year. I just tell them I’m too old and cynical for this to do any good. Fortunately I’m good enough at what I do to not suffer reprecussions from being an awkward bastard. My ambition is to never win the “Team Player” award.