# Take Your Virginity and Shove It Up Your Ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 22, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302 "2003-01-22T22:27:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/181 "2003-01-23T20:56:14Z")
I can tell you from personal experience, as I have shoved three people’s virginity quite literally up my ass, it isn’t all bad. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clint_in_Wichita)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/182 "2003-01-23T20:58:22Z")
I don’t understand why some people feel compelled to twist sex into some sort of spiritual, Earth-shattering event. If you don’t get pregnant or contract an STD (both easily preventable outcomes), sex is no big deal…unless you’ve been traumatized at some point, or had it drilled into your head that sex is “special”…dare I say “holy”? It is a natural biological process. In that way, it _is_ like pooping. Sorry, jarbabyj. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/183 "2003-01-23T21:03:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > Newsflash for virgins: > There is nothing “special” or romantic about doing a virgin. It’s work, it’s painful for the virgin. The guy has to keep asking “are you ok? Do you want me to stop?” The guy can’t really enjoy it because the girl can’t enjoy it. It’s a nuisance. It’s something you have to get past so you can eventually have _enjoyable_ sex. What’s more fun on a wedding night, ten minutes of “Ok…go slow…ouch…go slower,” or three or fours hours of butt-slapping monkey sex? **Diogenes** , I think the problem is you’re not doing it right. My first time wasn’t some delicate operation in slo-mo – it was ass-slapping _sex_ and we both had a blast. Of course, the fact I was 21 (3 months, 23 days… not that I was keeping track) and therefore _mentally_ and _emotionally_ somewhat mature as well as physically ready, and I could state things like “Ooo… that feels good, do more of that” and otherwise take an _active_ role in this enterprise rather than passively “allowing” myself to be “deflowered” had NOTHING to do with the success of the event :rolleyes: And the fact that my first lover had educated himself on what women want (as opposed to sitting around with the boys imagining what women might want if they had a male viewpoint) and spent more than adequate time on foreplay helped, too. And, by the way - he was quite well hung, certainly no pencil dick. But even a guy with a big dick has no excuse to hurt a woman during sex. I think some girls are told so often that it’s going to hurt that they believe it and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That, combined with a girl not knowing her own body well and the hurry-up-and-fuck drive of the average, say, 14 year old male might explain why girls who have sex early tend not to enjoy the first time, and those who wait until their 20’s, or have lovers in their 20’s, are more likely to have a fun time the first time. And, **Diogenes**. it seems to me YOU have bought into the notion that a man has no choice but to hurt a woman the first time she has sex. And that is a sad thing indeed. Double the foreplay next time, you might get better results. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/184 "2003-01-23T21:09:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by tdn_ > Look – can we all pretty much agree that what someone chooses to do (or not do) with his or her own plumbing is none of your business? Is there anyone on this thread that doesn’t believe that? Um, well, there **is** the little matter of the original post: > [@](#): > > Take Your Virginity and Shove It Up Your Ass! > NPR just aired a report on abstinence which featured a woman saying, “Take a look at my daughter’s wedding video. She said ‘I saved all my purity and innocence for my wedding.’” Well, isn’t that “special!” I have nothing wrong with people choosing to remain celebate until they’re married, but somehow implying (and it certainly was indicated by the woman’s tone) that you’re better simply because you’ve not done the nasty until you’ve gotten a piece of paper which says it’s okay for you to do so is fucking obnoxious! … > > One of the reasons that society’s so fucked up is because people have hang ups about sex. … > > Big Brother’s Anti-Sex League can bite my ass. Let’s continue … > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by tdn_ > The second merely states that it is a good thing to find out if one is sexually compatible with one’s mate before signing up for a lifetime with him or her. Despite your insistance that this objectifies that person, it’s really beneficial to both parties. Only if both parties see sex as the major function of the relationship. I hate to break it to many of you, but sex isn’t the end-all, be-all of every relationship. Personally, I’m happier knowing that my wife and I are compatible on many other levels. The fact that we have great sex together is icing on the cake. Finally, I must disabuse those who feel that having sex is on a par, nature-wise, with having a bowel movement. It is quite possible for a human being to live their entire life and suffer no debilitating side-effects abstaining from sex. I challenge anyone to attempt the same regarding bowel movements. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/185 "2003-01-23T21:13:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Clint in Wichita \* > \*\*It is a natural biological process. In that way, it _is_ like pooping. Sorry, jarbabyj. \*\* As opposed to those unnatural biological processes…? Because two processes may be biological does not mean they are therefore analogous. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/186 "2003-01-23T21:19:04Z")
I don’t remember how old I was the first time (17 or 18, it didn’t seem significant enough for me to remember the exact date) but I do remember the guy was quite a bit older. Lots of foreplay, we went seven or eight rounds, it was a good time had by both. Also, I took a very active role in it, which I think contributed to my enjoying the experience. Like what **Broomstick** said. There was no ‘deflowering’ done to me that day. I think also the fact that I had found out how much fun masturbation was when I was around 11 years old helped me out in that arena. I have no problem with people who want to wait until they get married, I just don’t like being told that I was ‘not pure’ or that I’m ‘spoiled’ for any husband I might have (who knows if I’ll get married) in the future. If not having pre-marital sex works for you, go for it. I come from another school of thought, one which believes that the wedding night is a real bad time to find out that your now-mate-for-life can only get turned on by standing on the coffee table wearing a diaper, having peanut butter smeared all over them and shoving bananas in their ears. (Paraphrased from a comedian whose name I cannot remember.) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/187 "2003-01-23T21:26:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Sure. But in my opinion, sexual compatibility also has a lot to do with your love for that person and your relationship with them. \*\* I never said otherwise. But it also has a lot to do with liking the same things physically. > [@](#): > > **I didn’t have sex with my husband until our wedding night, and I’m not going to leave him if he doesn’t ‘handle well’.** Then I would say you got lucky. And good for you, because you might otherwise be stuck with unsatisfying sex for the rest of your life. I don’t see what is so noble about that. About 10 years ago I met a wonderful woman. We hit it off right away. And I fell for her big-time. After just a few dates, I would go home thinking about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I was in deep. Then came the “sex.” Her idea of hot sex was missionary position, for about 5 minutes, until she started getting sore. And this she only liked about once every 6 months. Now, for those of you that are about to suggest that I should have tried foreplay, I did. I tried sixplay, eightplay, and 10^100play. We’d “warm up” for sometimes 3 or 4 hours. Didn’t help. I lost track of how many therapists we saw. The woman was frigider than an Amana side by side. I tried. I honestly did. I would have given anything for us to be sexually compatible. Most people will never go to the lengths that I did. But the end result was two of the most frustrating and hurtful years of my life. And she was just as miserable as I was. It eventually became clear that if we were to have a satisfying sex life, we would need to bring in extra people. And stop seeing each other. Now, had we waited until marriage, how would that have helped us? What noble mutual respect do you think we would have for each other these days? ---
**Author:** ![swingchick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@swingchick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swingchick)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/188 "2003-01-23T21:28:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > > I come from another school of thought, one which believes that the wedding night is a real bad time to find out that your now-mate-for-life can only get turned on by standing on the coffee table wearing a diaper, having peanut butter smeared all over them and shoving bananas in their ears. (Paraphrased from a comedian whose name I cannot remember.) \*\* Okay, I am not OK with this school of thought. It is an assumption that becuase you are waiting for marriage, that you have not had any sexual contact whatsoever. I knew long before I had sex what turned my husband (then boyfriend) on. Come on, just becuase the penis never entered the vagina doesn’t mean that they haven’t been seen. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/189 "2003-01-23T21:30:59Z")
Technical virgin? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/190 "2003-01-23T21:36:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wring \* > \*\*and just exactly who has done this?? \*\* uh…the people the OP was ranting about? Big duh on that one, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/191 "2003-01-23T21:37:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Only if both parties see sex as the major function of the relationship. I hate to break it to many of you, but sex isn’t the end-all, be-all of every relationship. \*\* But for some people, it’s extraordinarily important. I’d hate to find out on my wedding night that my bride suddenly discovered she didn’t like sex. And if she were a virgin, she may not have known until then. What then? What noble and beautiful purpose has been served? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/192 "2003-01-23T21:40:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wring \* > \*\*actually, the 2nd post was supportive of the OP. in any event, the rant in the OP, who made the original claim, which was unsubstantiated. they inferred the ‘air of superiority’ (paraphrased) based on ‘tone’ of the voice from NPR. objection stands. \*\* Of course. Because no one in the history of the world has every looked down their nose over this before that commercial. :rolleyes: Are you actually arguing that there are NOT people out there who think they’re better than those who don’t abstain? If so, you’re living under a rock. I’ve encountered so many of them in my life that it’s staggering. Face to face. In real life. And had them pretty much say it in so many words, as well. I think the OP was ranting about this attitude, and giving the example as… _gasp_ an example. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/193 "2003-01-23T21:44:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Finally, I must disabuse those who feel that having sex is on a par, nature-wise, with having a bowel movement. It is quite possible for a human being to live their entire life and suffer no debilitating side-effects abstaining from sex. I challenge anyone to attempt the same regarding bowel movements. \*\* I was going to make a similar point, but yours was more eloquent. Then I suddenly had a brief mental image of a strange scene… Bride: I do. Minister: You many now kiss the bride. Groom: Honey, this will be my first time. It’s been a struggle, but I’ve abstained all my life. I’ve never pooped before – I’ve been saving it all up for you! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/194 "2003-01-23T21:46:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by swingchick \* > \*\*Okay, I am not OK with this school of thought. It is an assumption that becuase you are waiting for marriage, that you have not had any sexual contact whatsoever. I knew long before I had sex what turned my husband (then boyfriend) on. Come on, just becuase the penis never entered the vagina doesn’t mean that they haven’t been seen. \*\* So are you a student of the Bill Clinton school of thought? That hummers are not sex? This is hokum. BJs do not count as abstention, no matter what anyone says. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/195 "2003-01-23T21:47:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > **I think people who stay virginal long after they are sexually mature are unnatural.** This is an astonishing piece of ignorance. I read the whole thread and I haven’t seen anyone fight it on it’s own. **Darwin’s Finch** recognized it, but didn’t really stomp on it. It’s a shame that people have been taictly accepting this premise and saying things like “humans do lots of ‘unnatural’ things”. The simple fact is that being virginal beyond sexual maturity is PERFECTLY NATURAL. Allow me to remind you, or introduce you as the case may be, to mate selection techniques. The one I’ll use as an example is the mate selection ritual from the ever-so-studied Fruit Fly(Drosophila melanogaster). From [this site](http://artemis.austincollege.edu/acad/bio/sgoldsmith/abhandouts/fruit_fly_mating.htm) > [@](#): > > Drosophila males have an elaborate courtship ritual that includes species specific postures, displays, and songs. Males vigorously court any available female, and mate whenever the opportunity arises. I have not heard any reports of direct physical combat between D. melanogaster males, although males of other species engage in various forms of direct reproductive competition. Because females store sperm, one would expect some form of sperm competition among males. There are a variety of possible forms of this competition, but the only one that I have heard about for D. melanogaster is sperm displacement and “last male” advantage (last sperm in is the first sperm out). > > It is common for females of a wide variety of species to exercise some choice among males as potential mates. They certainly discriminate between heterospecific and conspecific males, and usually between males that differ in their “resource holding potential” (for instance between males with good vs. poor territories), or in their apparent ability or willingness to provide resources for the female and her offspring, as evidenced by various forms of nuptial gifts (as in eastern bluebirds, blackheaded terns, and hangingflies). Females may also discriminate between males that are subtly different in morphological, physiological, or behavioral characteristics (such as in peacocks, barn swallows, and jungle fowl). One such display is when the male and female will both face each other and the female will begin making quick movements, side-to-side, forward, backward, all around and the male is expected to mirror these movements. If the male can’t mimic these movements fast enough, or gets tired and can’t keep up with the pace over time then he is rejected as a potential mate. Now, anyone who thinks it’s “unnatural” to have not mated until after, sometimes a while after, the point of sexual maturity should consider that humans have mating rituals as well. Human selection criteria are not as well codified/understood as those of the fruit fly, but they do exist. If the females have turned down suitors(and thereby remained virgin) this is only an indicator of the quality of potential mates she has been in contact with. There are many individuals in many species who remain virgin after reaching sexual maturity, especially in species where mate selection is very involved(and if you don’t believe this group includes humans then I, and most of the males on the planet I’m sure, want to live in your world!). Surely you support the right of each female to set their own selection criteria, including making marriage a requirement? From a “natural” standpoint women who make the choice to “save” themselves for marriage simply set a different bar for mate selection. What in hell is “unnatural” about a fly who can really cut a rug who hasn’t found a partner that can keep up with her being a virgin? This is a rough analogy to humans who have chosen to be a virgin until a mate candidate displays some specific characteristic(the commitment of marriage perhaps). This is NOT “unnatural”. Still, people who think their mate selection criteria makes them better than people with different criteria are pompus asses. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/196 "2003-01-23T21:56:48Z")
> [@](#): > > **jarbaby** > Sure. But in my opinion, sexual compatibility also has a lot to do with your love for that person and your relationship with them. Sexual compatibility is part and parcel to a relationship for the man. It’s easy for a woman not to care if the sex is crappy, they usually don’t come anyway. But don’t kid yourself that a man is going to be satisfied with lots of love and respect as a balm for a lousy sex life. Sex is a strong and specific need for a man. It’s not an “expression” of anything. It’s not a way to show love. It’s a way to bust a nut. It’s just a physical release on a par with taking a piss or letting one rip. If a man has a partner who is sexually unsatisfying, then the _relationship_ is unsatisfying, no matter how much he loves and respects her. I guess I just don’t understand why virginity is any kind of “gift” to the man. The standard arguments are ridiculous. Like the notion that a virgin is “saving” something. It’s not like you have only a limited amount of shags in your purse and you have to save them for special occasions. Get good at shagging. _That_ would be a gift for your husband. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/197 "2003-01-23T21:57:04Z")
Word, **Steven**. Morover, I find the suggestion that abstinence is “unnatural” a rather disturbing indictment of humans as nothing more than slaves to our hormones. Blech. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/198 "2003-01-23T22:00:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monstre \* > **Bride: I do. > Minister: You many now kiss the bride. > Groom: Honey, this will be my first time. It’s been a struggle, but I’ve abstained all my life. I’ve never pooped before – I’ve been saving it all up for you!** Yeah, right. That groom is so full of shit. ---
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/199 "2003-01-23T22:04:49Z")
If kids who can remain virgins in today’s culture are “special” does that mean they should get to ride the short bus? ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/200 "2003-01-23T22:06:14Z")
> [@](#): > > . It’s easy for a woman not to care if the sex is crappy, they usually don’t come anyway. But don’t kid yourself that a man is going to be satisfied with lots of love and respect as a balm for a lousy sex life. You are kidding, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302.md?page=11)