# Take Your Virginity and Shove It Up Your Ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 22, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302 "2003-01-22T22:27:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/201 "2003-01-23T22:06:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*It’s easy for a woman not to care if the sex is crappy, they usually don’t come anyway. \*\* Dude, if you’re going to argue the same point as me, could you at least not make such ignorant statements? In 80% of my past relationships, my partners cared very much about the quality of the sex. And were multiply orgasmic. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/202 "2003-01-23T22:07:44Z")
I also think it’s funny that Diogenes is assuming that because I waited until my wedding night that I’m not a good lay or that I’m somehow uptight. It’s not exactly rocket science my boy, and I come A LOT, andI like to think that my relationship with my husband is quite a bit more than ‘part and parcel’. And Just because people don’t HAVE sex before they get married doesn’t mean they don’t talk about it. My husband knew I was into bondage and BDSM before we got married. I knew that for sure he wasn’t. We talked about sex all the time. And we’re having a lovely time of it still, eight years later. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/203 "2003-01-23T22:09:39Z")
Well, this thing has turned into one hell of a train wreck. Serves me right for posting a Pit thread when I was drunk. Remind me **not** to do that again. Let’s see if I can’t diffuse things here a little bit. First of all, despite the inflammitory rhetoric I used in the OP, I didn’t mean to imply that there was anything wrong with choosing to remain a virigin, I just don’t like having someone rub their sexual activity or lack of it, in my face. As long as you and your partner are happy with what the two of you do (or don’t do) with your reproductive organs, I don’t care, just don’t try and claim that your choice makes you superior to others. Second, assuming that the woman who inspired the OP was a Christian, her daughter’s comment isn’t necessarily indicative that the daughter was a virgin. One of the fundamental prinicples of Christianity is that a person can live a sinful life, then come before God, ask forgiveness, be washed of all their sins, and be raised up to a state of purity and innocence before God. Third, the NPR piece seemed to only discuss women remaining virgins, and frankly I find the attitude that women should remain virgins, whilst it’s okay for guys to nail anything they want, repugnant. (Oh, and **minty** , as a Texan, you of all people, should know that for many Southern males sheep are the sex partners of choice. 😉 ) Virginity is _not_ a commodity to be used in marriage negotiations. Fourth, I think that many people use the whole, “Don’t have sex until marriage” campaign as an excuse to _not_ talk about sex with their children. I can remember my step-mother telling me to, “keep that thing in your pants” and then telling one of her friends about renting a hotel room for her 17 year old son so he could nail his girlfriend after prom. My mother, on the other hand, denied that there was such a thing as sex. (Until recently, she made my brothers sleep in separate rooms from their wives when they came to visit.) And lastly, I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I certainly meant no insult to anyone who’s made different life choices than I have. (And I certainly, _do_ understand how you might have taken offense at the OP.) ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/204 "2003-01-23T22:12:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic > It’s not a way to show love. It’s a way to bust a nut. It’s just a physical release on a par with taking a piss or letting one rip. If a man has a partner who is sexually unsatisfying, then the relationship is unsatisfying, no matter how much he loves and respects her. I disagree. If sex for you is on a par with taking a piss then you ain’t doing it right. Sex with someone you love can be much more than just a release. It can be a very intense emtional experience. Remember, sex can range from crappy to cosmic, and can be very powerful both mentally and physically, with the right person. YYMV. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/205 "2003-01-23T22:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robot Arm \* > **I have to go along with yosemitebabe on this one. Yes, sexually active women used to be called sluts and whores, but I haven’t seen that attitude in years except as something old fashioned and to be ridiculed** Nice cave you must live in. Enjoy the sheltered environment while you can. I’ve seen this attitude often enough to know that it’s fundamentally what’s behind the push to teach abstinence-only sex education in schools. It’s covert now, like racism, but still widespread, also like racism. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/206 "2003-01-23T22:16:15Z")
Wow, lot of posts went in as I wrote that. Ditto to what **tdn** said, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/207 "2003-01-23T22:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > **Broomstick** > And, Diogenes. it seems to me YOU have bought into the notion that a man has no choice but to hurt a woman the first time she has sex. And that is a sad thing indeed. Double the foreplay next time, you might get better results. Well, my experience deflowering virgins is _extremely_ limited. I must confess that what I know of this activity is the very definition of anecdotal. Somehow, though, I doubt that your experience is typical. Even if it doesn’t hurt the first time, I’d be very surprised if more than two or three percent\* really get off on their first experience. \*figures are rectally derived. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/208 "2003-01-23T22:19:10Z")
D’oh. I meant YMMV of course. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/209 "2003-01-23T22:23:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*Sexual compatibility is part and parcel to a relationship for the man. It’s easy for a woman not to care if the sex is crappy, they usually don’t come anyway. But don’t kid yourself that a man is going to be satisfied with lots of love and respect as a balm for a lousy sex life. Sex is a strong and specific need for a man. It’s not an “expression” of anything. It’s not a way to show love. It’s a way to bust a nut. It’s just a physical release on a par with taking a piss or letting one rip. If a man has a partner who is sexually unsatisfying, then the _relationship_ is unsatisfying, no matter how much he loves and respects her. I don’t know which is worse: 1. That Cecil has led the fight against ignorance for 30 years now, and yet ignorant crap such as this still gets spewed, or 2. Ignorant crap such as this gets spewed on a message board dedicated to fighting ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/210 "2003-01-23T22:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Darwin’s Finch \* > \*\*Because two processes may be biological does not mean they are therefore analogous. \*\* We must be working with a different understanding of an analogy. As far as I understand it, that is a perfectly good reason to make an analogy. I also am skeptical of those among us who would take an anlogy and turn it into an equivocation. But maybe that’s just my silly rational side operating. Pay no mind. Of course, the other side of the coin are the people who make an analogy and consider it proof of an equivocation… nope, no one like that here, please move along. I wish you could make a 72 pt rolleyes. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/211 "2003-01-23T22:29:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > I hope that’s a money back guarantee. Because soon I’ll be asking for my money back. That post is terribly naive. That’s why I took pains to say, “and they [the kids] are _ **SINCERE** _ in their promise”. I am well aware that some of these “promises” are short-lived. There are no guarantees. But if a parent feels somewhat assured that their kid is _sincere_ in remaining a virgin for at least a little while longer, I’d imagine it would be a weight off their mind. Because there’s less of a chance that the parents will end up supporting an unexpected grandchild. > [@](#): > > As to the virgin lovers acting in reaction to promiscuity, I’d bet that most people bashing virginity are also mostly reacting to what they see as an extreme. Oh really? So the “virginity is unnatural” lines only apply to the “extremists”? Funny, I never saw that caveat anywhere. So the undeniable attitude among many that virginity (especially male virginity) is a mortifying embarrassment, that’s somehow directed towards the “extremists”? I don’t think so. > [@](#): > > Look – can we all pretty much agree that what someone chooses to do (or not do) with his or her own plumbing is none of your business? Is there anyone on this thread that **doesn’t** believe that? Then why are we discussing this at all? I, for one, did not start this thread. I, for one, am not calling _anyone_ “unnatural”. I think that it’s far more appropriate for people to just shut the hell up and not make judgmental statements about other people’s sex lives (or lack thereof) since it is NONE of their business. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/212 "2003-01-23T22:36:34Z")
> [@](#): > > **samarm** > I disagree. If sex for you is on a par with taking a piss then you ain’t doing it right. Sex with someone you love can be much more than just a release. It can be a very intense emtional experience. Remember, sex can range from crappy to cosmic, and can be very powerful both mentally and physically, with the right person. YYMV. I’ve been with my wife for thirteen years. I love her, she loves me, but, dude, It’s not always gonna be “cosmic,” no matter how much we love each other. There are plenty of times when it’s purely mechanical. Sometimes the mechanical stuff is better. There’s no pressure to perform or emote or make it special, just get it over with so we can both go to sleep. That’s what I call compatibility. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/213 "2003-01-23T22:38:55Z")
> [@](#): > > even sven wrote: > And yes, I think it’s barbaric to expect women to publically display a symbol meaning “My sexuality is under the purview of my father, until he passes it down to another man”. It’s a bit weird, yes. But the motivation behind these rings may also be, “My kid has less of a chance of getting pregnant at age 16, dropping out of high school, and then expecting me (or the taxpayers) to help support her kid.” ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/214 "2003-01-23T22:51:37Z")
I know I wish I lived in a patriarchy so I could force all my women to display who their owner is so proudly. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/215 "2003-01-23T22:51:41Z")
[quote] **yosemitebabe** , It strikes me as a sort of perverse sexual ownership of a daughter by her father. It’s especially creepy if the daughter is an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/216 "2003-01-23T22:52:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by erislover \* > **We must be working with a different understanding of an analogy. As far as I understand it, that is a perfectly good reason to make an analogy.** An analogy implies similarity; beyond _being_ biological, there is no requirement or expectation that all biological functions / processes / whatever will therefore be similar. If that _were_ the case, I could just as easily argue that Kreb’s Cycle is like sex…because they’re both biological, you see. However, the similarities between waste elimination and sex are few and far between. Insufficient to function as a valid analogy, in my book. I stand by my statement: just because both functions may be biological in origin, they are not necessarily analogous. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/217 "2003-01-23T22:53:26Z")
**Diogenes** are you being purposely obtuse? You quoted me post, and proceeded to answer a different question. I can’t argure with your response, as I never claimed that sex is always “cosmic” in the first place. Grr! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/218 "2003-01-23T22:53:53Z")
Whoops, I forgot to post the quote. [quote] **yosemitebabe** It’s a bit weird, yes. But the motivation behind these rings may also be, “My kid has less of a chance of getting pregnant at age 16, dropping out of high school, and then expecting me (or the taxpayers) to help support her kid.”\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/219 "2003-01-23T22:57:39Z")
**samarm** , I was trying to say that sex with someone you love is _sometimes_ cosmic, but it’s gonna be routine more than it’s gonna be cosmic. True compatibility is is a comfortable routine. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302/220 "2003-01-23T23:04:04Z")
I would need you to expand on your definition of “routine”. My partner and I have “routine” sex, if you call having sex regularly “routine”. However, it’s more than just a mechanical thing to get over and done with before sleep. Agree with you in principle about “cosmic” sex. That’s what I was trying to get across before - grade ‘A’ magi-fucking-cal out-of-this-world sex is not common. All of this depends on your personal experience of course. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/take-your-virginity-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/150302.md?page=12)