# Taking Matters Into My Own Hands **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468 "2001-02-14T16:02:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/1 "2001-02-14T16:02:28Z")
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEe HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Excuse me while I go spank myself. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/2 "2001-02-14T16:04:58Z")
Here. Lemee help. ::ZZZZZZZIP:: ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/3 "2001-02-14T16:04:59Z")
Hmmm… I read the thread title and felt compelled to post. (If what you’re lookin’ fer is a right spankin’, you shoulda jes called!) ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/4 "2001-02-14T16:07:36Z")
> [@](#): > > ::ZZZZZZZIP:: :eek: 😃 Whoops, were those smilies? ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/5 "2001-02-14T16:13:22Z")
Happy Birthday!!! I’ll have to buy you a drink in Amsterdam!! ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/6 "2001-02-14T16:13:47Z")
Happy birthday and many many more. Have a great day! ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/7 "2001-02-14T16:20:15Z")
Happy Birthday out there. What a wonderful gift your parents must have felt on this day… ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/8 "2001-02-14T16:28:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*Excuse me while I go spank myself. \*\* Hehe, yeah that’s what I call taking matters into my own hands too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/9 "2001-02-14T16:33:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > \*\*Happy Birthday!!! > > I’ll have to buy you a drink in Amsterdam!! \*\* Fair enough but Diane can I spank you in Amsterdam? I’ll use a tulip 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/10 "2001-02-14T16:49:15Z")
May heaven’s finest blessings shower down upon you. On this special day and throughout the year. Everybody… HAPPY DANCE !!! ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/11 "2001-02-14T16:57:05Z")
Happy Birthday! Joyeux Anniversaire! Breithla Shona Dhuit! Alles Gute zum Geburtstag! Buon Compleanno! Gratulerer med dagen! Jessica, who likes to pretend she’s multi-lingual ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/12 "2001-02-14T18:47:40Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ll use a tulip Or should that be…two lips…hmmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/13 "2001-02-14T18:52:46Z")
Happy Birthday!! [sub]so you want your present now or later? ;-)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/14 "2001-02-14T19:03:27Z")
Hey there birthday buddy. I’ll blow out your candles if you blow mine. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/15 "2001-02-14T19:56:26Z")
That title! That name! You know I just had to open this thread. It’s time for the family birthday song! ::Sung as a dirge:: Happy birthday, Happy birthday. Gloom and doom and great dispair; People dying everywhere. Happy birthday, Happy birthday. Yes, I have a strange family. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/16 "2001-02-14T21:00:11Z")
Hey, I’m easy. I’ll take birthday wishes, drinks, spankings, tulips, and two-lip spankings. At my age, you have to take everything you possibly can. Who knows if you’ll be around tomorrow. And to my favorite sweetheart birthday buddy. Ready when you are for our mutual blow! 😛 Thanks everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/17 "2001-02-14T21:05:24Z")
Doc J - Thanks for the song! (yep, you come from a rather strange family :)) ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/18 "2001-02-14T21:29:26Z")
Happy Birthday, Diane!! [sub] \< sheepishly \> Would this be a good time to admit to a crush that dates back to the old AOL days?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/19 "2001-02-14T21:36:57Z")
HOLY MOLEY, EUTY! 😃 And to think I have been worshiping you from afar! ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2001, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468/20 "2001-02-15T13:04:11Z")
Oh, Diane ! - you’re just an old-fashioned kinda girl. Spanking is _soooo_ passé 😉 Think ……Jodphurs and riding crop :eek: Hope the evening went with a bang and, my ! you do look a little different. Have you had a trim ? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-matters-into-my-own-hands/54468.md?page=2)