# Taking the leap into polyamory; advice and experiences appreciated **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2016, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843 "2016-09-03T01:27:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/162 "2016-09-09T12:10:22Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > I’m more confused at why **panache** , of all people, finds **Ambivalid** ’s story so unbelievable. **panache** , who has posted many times about the thousands (yes, multiple thousands) of men he’s fucked, and about the details of fisting, and all kinds of non-vanilla sex, finds _this_ too much? > [@bb49](#): > > I agree fully. A guy posts a simple question here and some people feel it’s their god-given right to rip him apart. > Hey, if you don’t like the topic, there’s always the Kardashians to read about. I don’t want the thread to get sidetracked on that discussion, so let’s take it elsewhere, please. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/163 "2016-09-09T12:37:13Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Well, since nobody’s answered this yet, I’ll say this. > > I’ve known a lot of people into polyamory. I’ve rarely seen it end well. I’ve known a lot of people into monogamy, and that rarely ends well either. 😉 As for you OP, looking over the thread it seems like you’ve got your ducks pretty much in a row. Meeting up at a neutral location beforehand, good communication and agreement with your significant other and with the other parties, clear ground rules… Should work out pretty well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/164 "2016-09-10T14:09:18Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > I’ve known a lot of people into monogamy, and that rarely ends well either. 😉 > > As for you OP, looking over the thread it seems like you’ve got your ducks pretty much in a row. Meeting up at a neutral location beforehand, good communication and agreement with your significant other and with the other parties, clear ground rules… Should work out pretty well. 🙂 “Should” being the operative word. What could possibly go wrong? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/165 "2016-09-10T19:00:38Z")
Well, if your relationship can survive this, I think you two kids will be alright. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/166 "2016-09-10T20:10:02Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > And while I don’t mind hearing from anyone, the “comments” I asked for were those from people with first hand experience. If you want to control the comments on The Straight Dope Message Board, perhaps you haven’t learned much since joining. You asked everyone on the Internet for input. That’s how it works here, as on every other message board. Things you know already, so getting your hackles up over people posting in here who do **not** have first-hand knowledge of swinging is a bit…disingenuous. And yeah. You’re swinging. Polyamory is a word. “Poly” from many and Amory from love. You knew that too, but for reasons we can only guess at you have spun taking a stab at swinging as “polyamory”. If you and/ or GF have fallen in love or developed adult emotional feelings for someone else and they and you all enter into a relationship all together, that’s polyamory. Finding other people to fuck ain’t that. That said, all consenting? Have a blast !!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/167 "2016-09-10T23:04:31Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > If you want to control the comments on The Straight Dope Message Board, perhaps you haven’t learned much since joining. > > You asked everyone on the Internet for input. That’s how it works here, as on every other message board. Things you know already, so getting your hackles up over people posting in here who do **not** have first-hand knowledge of swinging is a bit…disingenuous L-O-fucking-L. Did you read the rest of my comment? I said I know I can’t control who posts in this thread, it does NOT diminish my request for comments from those with first-hand experience. And the only reason I even _brought_ this up is because other posters were complaining the fact that I didn’t capitulate and suddenly agree with everyone who was telling me it seemed like a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/168 "2016-09-10T23:07:16Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > And yeah. You’re swinging. Polyamory is a word. “Poly” from many and Amory from love. You knew that too, but for reasons we can only guess at you have spun taking a stab at swinging as “polyamory”. This comment is amazing. So let me get this straight, you are alleging that I _knew_ that I was erroneously using the word “polyamory” to mean “swinging”, and just did it anyway? What the hell kind of sense does that make? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/169 "2016-09-10T23:11:18Z")
> [@Dr.Arthias](#): > > I obviously don’t know anything about you or your partner aside from what is written in this thread, so I won’t “advise” you per se, but I will say that I think monogamy in general is toxic, so good for you two for breaking that chain. There is a lot of happiness and satisfaction to be gained from having an open sex life, as long as all parties remain open and honest about their feelings and intentions along the way. > > Most people start out with setting certain “rules”, which is a good idea, but if you end up going further down this road, you may end up realizing that communication is really the only guide you’ll need. > > Jealously is a learned emotion, and it’s healthy to unlearn it. It sounds like you are turned on by the idea of seeing your partner have sex with someone else, which is probably one of the clearest signs you could possibly have (on your end) that you’re ready to join the lifestyle. > > Just make sure that you’re also clear on what your partner’s fantasies are when it comes to group sex or solo dating. Are they similar to yours or completely different? Ask each other questions so that you can both anticipate how the other would react to different situations that may come up in spontaneous moments of drunken passion. > > I have a lot of personal experience and even worked in a swinger club for a few years. I feel like I’ve tried it all; the good and the bad, so feel free to ask questions if you want. > > There are always possibilities for relationship problems to arise, whether it’s an open arrangement or not. That being said, however, swinging and polyamory isn’t for everyone, and that’s ok, but imo you’re better off ignoring the advice of anyone who has never tried it. > > Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk Thank you for this. This helps. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/170 "2016-09-10T23:36:23Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > L-O-fucking-L. Did you read the rest of my comment? I said I know I can’t control who posts in this thread, it does NOT diminish my request for comments from those with first-hand experience. And the only reason I even _brought_ this up is because other posters were complaining the fact that I didn’t capitulate and suddenly agree with everyone who was telling me it seemed like a bad idea. Oh. Please don’t lump me in with anyone who was telling you what to do with your life. You’re an adult. Why in the hell would anyone think you should capitulate and do what they are telling you to do? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/171 "2016-09-10T23:41:34Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > Oh. Please don’t lump me in with anyone who was telling you what to do with your life. You’re an adult. Why in the hell would anyone think you should capitulate and do what they are telling you to do? Your reading comprehension is not strong. Please tell me where I “lumped you in” with _anybody_? I mentioned those posters specifically to explain why I even brought up the fact that I didn’t actually ask everyone, I specified my target audience in the OP. It was a comment made by **Urbanredneck 57** , or whatever his name is, that sparked my comment. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/172 "2016-09-10T23:50:41Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > Why in the hell would anyone think you should capitulate and do what they are telling you to do? Who knows? All I know is that I was being criticized because it didn’t appear that I was taking the advice of those with negative opinions but no actual experience seriously enough. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/173 "2016-09-10T23:57:24Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > This comment is amazing. So let me get this straight, you are alleging that I _knew_ that I was erroneously using the word “polyamory” to mean “swinging”, and just did it anyway? What the hell kind of sense does that make? 😕 For all your comments and responses, you’ve failed to address this one. I’d appreciate an explanation because frankly, it makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/174 "2016-09-11T00:38:01Z")
It does to me. Polyamory is about multiple loves. Swinging is about multiple wet warm places. You used one word when your entire O.P. mean the other. Disingenuous plays sooooooo poorly here at The Dope. I hope this life choice works out for you and your current g.f. and brings you both exactly what you seek out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/175 "2016-09-11T00:43:38Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > It does to me. Polyamory is about multiple loves. Swinging is about multiple wet warm places. > > You used one word when your entire O.P. mean the other. > > Disingenuous plays sooooooo poorly here at The Dope. Seriously, am I in The Twilight Zone?? Jesus christ. You didn’t explain a damn thing about your comment. It is **astounding** and completely baffling to me as to why you’d think I would purposely misuse the word “polyamory”. If it _does_ make sense to you, _please_, help me make sense of it too. 'Cause I got nuthin. ETA: I even acknowledged that I may be using the wrong word in my OP. It was a error, not some twisted plot to…what, I have no idea. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/176 "2016-09-11T02:11:16Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > It does to me. Polyamory is about multiple loves. Swinging is about multiple wet warm places. > > You used one word when your entire O.P. mean the other. > > Disingenuous plays sooooooo poorly here at The Dope. > > I hope this life choice works out for you and your current g.f. and brings you both exactly what you seek out of it. So he used the wrong word. He accepted correction. What’s your point? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/177 "2016-09-17T21:44:42Z")
Just a little update…tonight’s the big night. We’re going to a swingers party at a nightclub (the other couple is joining us). This shit is wild. Ill be back to share the story tomorrow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/178 "2016-09-18T00:21:52Z")
Have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/179 "2016-09-18T01:39:16Z")
_\_ Holy shit! _\_ ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/180 "2016-09-18T03:29:58Z")
Scat play in cassocks? Meh. Suspension is more creative. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843/181 "2016-09-18T03:38:07Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > _\_ > > Holy shit! > > _\_ Where are you keeping your phone? I’m surprised they don’t have a “no devices” policy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-the-leap-into-polyamory-advice-and-experiences-appreciated/764843.md?page=10)