# Taking Your Husband's Last Name, or, The Name Game: Paging Married Dopers. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497 "2004-11-07T15:03:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/61 "2004-11-08T13:21:57Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Brynda** Kem-pa? Brenn-ek-a? > > **CalmKiwi** I would **Love** being a Smith, rock band included, as when asked to spell it, I would say, " L-u-x-u-r-y- Y-a-c-h-t" > > Heeee! > > Just think if I, as a Smith, married a Smith. Then I could be Shirley Smith-Smith Luxury Yacht- Warbler and mess with everyone’s minds collectively. Now there is a plan! But no bugger ever asks! Especially over the phone. They just say Smith? And you can hear the eyebrow raise. Damn shitty name. I’m thinking the child’s plan for Smithern is good…smacks of Smith’s who wanted to move uptown. Nothing like a bit of pretention to spice up life. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/62 "2004-11-08T14:25:54Z")
The first time I married we took the same last name. It was neither of our names (his was horrible and he wouldn’t take mine, so we picked a third). We thought having the same last name was important. Apparently not. The marriage didn’t last. I went back to my maiden. When I got remarried I didn’t change it. Been through that process twice, and really didn’t want to do it a third time. Very little flak. My mother still sends mail to Dangerosa Hubby’slastname. But I just give her crap about not knowing how to spell her own last name. Rather passive aggressive of her, but it doesn’t bug me. I find it funny. I answer to Dangerosa Hubby’slastname without issue or ire. Makes life easier for all the Christmas cards and wedding invitations we get. I’m pleasantly surpised when those things come correctly from anyone we aren’t close to. We have two kids, with his last name. Doesn’t cause any problems. Thought it would, but it hasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![badmana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/63 "2004-11-08T16:11:09Z")
I personally want to take my GF’s last name (Bulgarian but I always thought it was Russian) while my GF likes the exotic sound of my last name (Japanese). I guess we’ll swap when we get married! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/64 "2004-11-08T16:13:58Z")
I changed my name when I married my husband to his. This has resulted in a name where my first and last name are both three letters, and they’re the same three letters. Email me if you’re curious - I’ll tell you as long as you promise not to laugh at me. 🙂 Incidentally, my son’s last name is different than mine - we’ve talked about his stepfather adopting him, but the two of them have no plans at the moment to move forward with that - so for now, we have different last names. It doesn’t cause any problems at all. ---
**Author:** ![kka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/54ee81/32.png) [@kka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kka)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/65 "2004-11-08T16:24:38Z")
I took my husband’s last name, dropped my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name. I didn’t do the hyphen thing, because a lot of people never seem to know what to with a hyphenated last name. Plus I wanted our family to have the same last name. ---
**Author:** ![Honeydew\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e19b73/32.png) [@Honeydew\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honeydew_1)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/66 "2004-11-08T16:44:56Z")
I took my husband’s name for several reasons. 1 My maiden name is very common in my country, every second person is the same as my name 2 My husband’s name would have died out with him 3 I always wanted a name people would say “Oh thats nice, how do you spell it” - now I have one! 4 We talked about having a hypenated name but I wanted the same name as him and our kids (when they arrive) so I took his name. However, saying all that, if his name was something really awful (ie Fartenbottom or something 😛 ) then I’d have stayed with my own. ---
**Author:** ![YoudNeverGuess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a587f6/32.png) [@YoudNeverGuess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YoudNeverGuess)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/67 "2004-11-08T17:23:59Z")
I’m not married but in long term relationship and if I was married I think I’d keep my own name. It just wouldn’t feel right to change it. My name is nothing special - quite common in fact (though I have a nice first name) but it’s _my_ name just as much as my potential husband’s would be his name. If I had kids I’d kind of like them to have a double barrelled surname (both our names) but that would be a matter for negotiation of course. I don’t see why someone keeping their own name should be any sort of a big deal. After all, surely they’re causing _less_ trouble for people… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/68 "2004-11-08T18:11:04Z")
> [@YoudNeverGuess](#): > > After all, surely they’re causing _less_ trouble for people… 🙂 You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But somehow, some folks are convinced that it’s just a great big pain in the butt to remember that they don’t have to remember a new name. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/69 "2004-11-08T19:15:00Z")
I really did not want to change my last name when I got married. I was named after my grandfather, so it was important for me to keep his name as part of mine. I didn’t want to hyphenate, either. After much agonizing, I did change my last name to my husband’s, but kept my maiden name as my middle name, dropping my given middle name. I was sick of having the initials V.D.S., okay? And I didn’t think V.D.Q. would be fun, either! I’m happy with the decision, though sometimes people get confused and hyphenate it anyway. It doesn’t bother me, though. It’s not their fault, after all! In my writing, I use both last names. Otherwise I just use my husband’s last name. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/70 "2004-11-08T20:12:23Z")
My wife took my name. There was no discussion. I didn’t try to persuade her. It just was never an issue. BTW we have troubles with school because my stepson has a different last name. Just an annoyance. ---
**Author:** ![Cowgirl\_Jules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/71 "2004-11-08T20:30:25Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Does anybody here have a different name from their kids? I’ve always figured I’ll keep my own name (not that it’s likely to come up any time soon), but if I have kids I worry about what name they’d take and how they’d feel about having a different name from at least one of their parents. Yes, I have a different last name than my kids. I took my first husband’s name, and didn’t really like it. When I got divorced, I happily took my own name back, but the kids still have his name. I’m not too pleased about that, but they don’t know that. They do have the option of taking my name when they turn 18. If/when I get married again, I will dump my middle name and bump my last name up to middle name status, and take his as a last name. My business is named after my current last name, but I don’t have a problem keeping the business the same and my last name his. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/72 "2004-11-08T20:37:14Z")
I took my husband’s last name. I like my family, and everything, but I never really identified myself with my last name (I know that sounds weird- I’ve been trying to think of a more coherent way to put it, but I can’t). I actually identify myself more strongly with my first and middle names, so I kept my middle name and dropped my last name altogether. I actually got a few questioning looks about changing my last name (and, of course, endless bureaucratic hassle). Older people seemed to think it was the default choice, but the people under 30 seemed to think that keeping my last name would be the default choice. Oh, and I bristle when I get mail to Mrs. Husband’s Lastname. If someone called me that to my face, there would probably be some major unpleasantness. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/73 "2004-11-08T20:45:46Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > Married Dopers: For the women, did you take your husband’s last name? Why? If you did, did you feel torn about the decision? If you didn’t, did you receive an unusual amount of flak about it? > > Are there any male Dopers who took the last name of their wife? > > Any hyphenated people out there? What made this the best choice? > > Thanks in advance. This topic fascinates me. I took my husband’s last name for two reasons: 1. I thought it was a nice gesture, and it meant a lot to my husband, though he encouraged me to consider keeping my own name because his name is really long and difficult to pronounce, and mine, while not easy, is a lot easier than his. 2. I’ve always wanted a middle name. My mom didn’t give me one because she said that I would get married eventually and never use it. I suppose I could’ve taken my husband’s last name as my middle name, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t really feel torn about the decision. It wasn’t one I made because I thought I was supposed to. But coming to the conclusion that I’d like to change my name didn’t take me long, and I never agonized over it, though several of my friends have agonized over changing their names. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/74 "2004-11-08T22:23:06Z")
I am hispanic, my husband is a Dane. In hispanic countries the convention is for people to use both the mother maiden name and the father’s name. I am _Mighty\_Girl Dad’sName Mom’sMaidenName_. After getting married I can use my husband’s surname as follows \*Mighty\_Girl Dad’sName \*\*de \*_Husband’sName_, however this is only socially, I can’t legally change my name… which is good because it relieved me from the pressure of doing so and my husband’s surname is pretty hard to pronounce around here. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/75 "2004-11-09T00:01:33Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Brynda** Kem-pa? Brenn-ek-a? Yep, right on both. I thought of changing my name to my grandparents’ name (Kempe) when my parents divorced, but thought I would get tired of hearing Kemp-ee. Plus Brynda Kemp-ah sounds really dorky. Brynda as a name is enough of a challenge. ---
**Author:** ![duality72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duality72/32/3910_2.png) [@duality72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duality72)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/76 "2004-11-09T00:19:58Z")
I kept my name, she kept hers. She liked her name and pointless customs just annoy the piss out of me. There was some discussion of changing both our names, but that idea was eventually discarded as more trouble than it was worth. ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/77 "2004-11-09T00:44:43Z")
I kept my last name. I like it. I was also 51 when we got married, so it seemed pointless to change at this late date. It wasn’t an issue for us (no kids involved), and except for folks who occasionally write to me as [Archergal’s first name][Dear Robert’s last name], no problems. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/78 "2004-11-09T03:57:59Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Oh, and I bristle when I get mail to Mrs. Husband’s Lastname. If someone called me that to my face, there would probably be some major unpleasantness. I’m confused. You took your husband’s last name, but you get mad when people call you by it? ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/79 "2004-11-09T06:36:21Z")
> [@Angel of the Lord](#): > > …my madien name is never pronounced correctly, even though it’s only four letters long, and doesn’t sound that great even when it IS done right… Amen. My original surname was ‘Gnyp’ (how’s that for fun with 4 letters? No, the G is not silent.) and since a) i’m not having children and b) I have a brother to carry on the family name, I elected to take my husband’s surname. Mind you, if anyone dared refer to me as by my husband’s name with just a ‘Mrs’ tacked on at the start, I’d rip them a new one. I \*loathe \* the outdated convention of being referred to as ‘Mrs Joe Bloggs’ or whatever. I can easily believe that harkens back to the days of women being ‘property’. Sidenote: I’d always hated my first name, so on my wedding day I decided to change it to something I liked better. However, since I got married with my original first name and \*then \* changed it about 10 minutes after the marriage (we were married in a registry office), according to our marriage certificate my husband is married to some other lass… ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497/80 "2004-11-09T06:48:33Z")
> [@racinchikki](#): > > I’m confused. You took your husband’s last name, but you get mad when people call you by it? I’m fairly sure she meant when people address stuff to Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. That bugs a lot of women on both sides of name-change divide, as it sort of implies you have no identity outside of being married. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taking-your-husbands-last-name-or-the-name-game-paging-married-dopers/273497.md?page=5)