# Taliban Stomps Fluffy Kittens to Death!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968 "2001-03-14T16:27:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/1 "2001-03-14T16:27:56Z")
OK, we all knew those wacky Taliban guys refuse to let women go to school or hold jobs or go outside without being wrapped head-to-foot in a huge schmata. Then, they stone you to death for looking crosseyed at them. THEN, they destroy all statues in Afghanistan, including those huge 6th-century Buddhas. Now, I read on the AP Newswire that they have thrown the BBC correspondent out and have closed the BBC office. Pretty soon, they are going to run out of outrageously heinous things to do, so I thought we might offer some suggestions. Any tips? Maybe they can replace all TV with a loop of Adam Sandler movies? Force all schoolchildren to read Theodore Dreiser novels? Make everyone wear hideously unflattering neckties that clash with their shirts? I’m sure you guys can come up with some good suggestions, which we can then forward to the Top Cat in the Taliban. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/2 "2001-03-14T16:34:28Z")
Fill the highways with drivers monopolizing the left lane while going 5 mph under the limit with their right blinkers on… bonus points if said drivers can barely see over their steering wheels. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/3 "2001-03-14T18:00:43Z")
Switch all the restroom gender signs and then switch lefty and normal scissors in the factories so nobody can cut paper properly. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/4 "2001-03-14T18:05:56Z")
No, show bad Joe Don Baker movies non stop. Make everyone go to JDT live lectures. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/5 "2001-03-14T23:17:08Z")
> [@](#): > > Switch all the restroom gender signs and then switch lefty and normal scissors in the factories so nobody can cut paper properly. Impossible. In Afghanistan, women aren’t allowed to go to the bathroom. Seriously, I would anticipate bans on cameras (they are one tool for creating graven images), film, and computers (another way to display graven images). All books that include photographs and drawings will either be destroyed or doctored. As far as women’s rights is concerned, think the Talib will start making women wear burqas _indoors_, at their own homes? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/6 "2001-03-14T23:18:40Z")
Before I forget … as far as stomping kittes goes, I dunno. Stomping puppies might be a possibility, though – arn’t some parts of the Koran interpreted as stating dogs are unclean and “untouchable?” ---
**Author:** ![Torgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Torgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/7 "2001-03-15T01:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*No, show bad Joe Don Baker movies non stop. > \*\* _MITCHELL!_ ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/8 "2001-03-15T04:30:46Z")
Originally posted by Guinastasia No, show bad Joe Don Baker movies non stop ALL Joe Don Baker movies are bad. Eve; frankly I didn’t even know they were allowing women in Afganistan anymore. I thought it had become an all male country. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/9 "2001-03-15T05:04:50Z")
Ooh, maybe they could airbrush a chador over the author’s picture in all the (unburnt) Eve Golden books in the country’s libraries. That would be pretty heinous. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/10 "2001-03-15T06:19:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Stomping puppies might be a possibility, though – arn’t some parts of the Koran interpreted as stating dogs are unclean and “untouchable?” I don’t know about the Koran, but the Bible has some anti-canine passages. ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/11 "2001-03-15T06:45:47Z")
It may be a little unoriginal, but I suppose that they could always start rounding up Jews, shipping them off and then either working them to death or gassing them with Zyklon B. And hey, we haven’t seen that many human trials lately in research areas like survival rates in vacuums or frigid water. Imagine a Jerry Lewis lookalike going down the line of prisoners with his wacky walk, strapping on a pair of wacky rubber gloves, saying in his wacky Jerry Lewis voice, “Tvins! I must haff tvins fuer mein research!” Does that meet your definition of hilarity? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/12 "2001-03-15T18:52:59Z")
Actually, not quite. He’d have to have a Benny Hill look-alike to make farting noises and get his thumb stuck in his bum. _sheesh_ From what I recall, the Koran has quite a number of “unclean creatures.” The dog is one of them. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/13 "2001-03-15T19:50:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zarathustra \* > \*\*Does that meet your definition of hilarity? \*\* Well, it meets Jerry Lewis’s. See his masterwork THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED (1972). **Bookworm:** The women are slowly being smuggled across the border. Once there, they put on short skirts and halter tops and lipstick and thumb their noses back towards home. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/14 "2001-03-15T20:10:11Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Zarathustra \* \*\*It may be a little unoriginal, but I suppose that they could always start rounding up Jews, shipping them off and then either working them to death or gassing them with Zyklon B. And hey, we haven’t seen that many human trials lately in research areas like survival rates in vacuums or frigid water. How silly you are Zarathustra. There are no Jews in Afganistan. They did away with them years ago. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/15 "2001-03-18T17:00:52Z")
Well, the Talib lived up to our expectations. [http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ap/20010316/wl/afghanistan\_buddhas\_6.html](http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ap/20010316/wl/afghanistan_buddhas_6.html) ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/16 "2001-03-18T17:20:19Z")
We, the people of the United States need to invite all of them to a prepaid free gigantic coffee and houka fest in a suburb of their government’s capital. Once they are all seated it’s only a matter of lighting off a couple dozen cruise missles to finish up what we were doing last time. Ironically, I think that demolishing the statues has now zeroed any miniscule credibility that these morons ever may have had. So be it, these cretins are obviously going for the gold in the looney olympics. Maybe they will all take up bungee jumping with the finest quality Soviet elastics left behind from the war. One can only hope. I anticipate a drastic drop in their birthrate as the Afghani women rightfully begin to deny these pigs any consort. ---
**Author:** ![scampering\_gremlin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@scampering\_gremlin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scampering_gremlin)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/17 "2001-03-18T20:08:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Switch all the restroom gender signs and then switch lefty and normal scissors in the factories so nobody can cut paper properly. > > Impossible. In Afghanistan, women aren’t allowed to go to the bathroom. > > \*\* Yes, but for a slightly different reason. In most of Afghanistan most people would respond to “Where is the bathroom?” with a puzzled expression and a point toward the side of the road. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/18 "2001-03-18T20:14:31Z")
The Qur’an doesn’t say anything about dogs except for a brief mention in passing that some dogs are trained to hunt. It never ceases to amaze me how people get away with “quoting” stuff from the “Koran” that doesn’t even exist there. Starting with Edgar Allan Poe in “Israfel.” ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/19 "2001-03-18T21:28:15Z")
**The next 10 things the Taliban will do:** 1. Make whistling or humming punishable by death. 2. Ban soap. 3. Institute a program of digging up deceased heretics and blasphemers and stoning their remains.\* 4. Send missionaries to Nashville, Tennessee to convert the Southern Baptists. 5. Outlaw space travel. 6. Issue a _fatwa_ against Britney Spears. [sub](Hey, nobody’s _all_ bad.)[/sub] 7. Impeach Bill Clinton. 8. Decree that women no longer be allowed to have eyeholes in their _burqas_. 9. Outlaw fire. 10. Join the SDMB. Start several dozen multiple-page threads about circumcision. [sub]\*Number eight was sort of stolen from Dave Barry.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968/20 "2001-03-18T22:32:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by Eve_ > **Maybe they can replace all TV with a loop of Adam Sandler movies? Force all schoolchildren to read Theodore Dreiser novels?** “Discuss the use of heathen metaphor in _Sister Carrie_ and _Billy Madison_.” I’m guessing that, with such an extreme male-dominant society, Adam Sandler movies are already pretty popular over there. Perhaps the Talibanatics could put Saran Wrap on every toilet, between the lid and the bowl. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-stomps-fluffy-kittens-to-death/57968.md?page=2)