# Taliban TV Guide **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 12, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144 "2001-10-12T22:43:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/21 "2001-10-16T10:32:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > 10:00 - “Ali Baba McBeal” This was renamed for the UK market. It’s call ‘Oily McBeal’ over here: Tonight’s guest star is Gregory Opec - wow, I thought he was dead. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/22 "2001-10-16T12:41:22Z")
“That 1470’s Show” “Beavis and Towelhead” (that one was bad, sorry…) ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/23 "2001-10-16T15:51:04Z")
I forgot to mention my favorite, the venerable sitcom, _Different Canestrones for Different Offenses_. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/24 "2001-10-16T15:52:21Z")
That would, of course, be _Canestrokes_. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/25 "2001-10-16T16:45:04Z")
I think tonight they’re going to show the romantic comedy “You’ve Got Veil!”. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/26 "2001-10-16T17:21:18Z")
…right before another Meg Ryan classic, _Addicted to Opium Growing_. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/27 "2001-10-16T21:55:09Z")
What about that movie {b]Adventures in Begging \*\* with Elisabeth Shue. it got two stumps up! ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/28 "2001-10-16T23:40:58Z")
What got me is when they cancelled _“The Courtship of Eddie’s Poppi”_ They were planning a new series for next season:\*“The Streets of Kandahar”. But that’s been cancelled for lack of streets… ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/29 "2001-10-16T23:45:02Z")
I also heard that before they finally named _“Mad About Everything”_ they considered _"Mad About Mules_. ---
**Author:** ![evilhanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba8739/32.png) [@evilhanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhanz)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/30 "2001-10-17T22:41:05Z")
I just commited a SDMB faux pas by starting a similar thread in MPSIMS. (oops) I’ll list the ones that haven’t already been mentioned: Everybody Loves Achmed Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darnedest Things When the Northern Alliance Attacks 4 True Stories of the Kabul Patrol Ripley’s: Believe It or Else Jalalabad, 90210 Family Feudalism Honey, I Shrunk the Camel Malcolm in the Mosque All My Children Candid Camel 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/31 "2001-10-18T01:23:34Z")
What’s on cable in Kabul tonight … lemme’ check my Taliban TV Guide … 9:00 PM 22 Shawwal 1421 A.H **(CART)** The Flintstones - a humorous look at a family from the future **(ESPN)** NASCART Racing **(FOOD)** Iron Chef - theme ingredients include grain, Beagle, MRE **(H&G)** This Old Ruin **(LIFE)** Lifetime Movie - “Meeting Allah: The Price of a Short Burqa” **(MTV)** Lalalalalala! MTV Ululates! **(SPEED)** Cart and Driver **(TRAV)** Kandahar’s Top Ten Caves ---
**Author:** ![Xerxes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/d2c977/32.png) [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/32 "2001-10-18T09:28:49Z")
This one’s been doing the rounds and is UK-centric, so some hints are that Dad’s Army is an old sitcom based on WW2 reservists, Ready Steady Cook is a ‘what can you cook for a fiver’ cheap TV program, Panorama is current affairs, Coronation St = long running soap. You can probably guess the rest… TALIBAN T.V. 6.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers. 8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say “Ah-ah”. Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher. 9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers. 11.00 Jihad’s Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. 12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects. 12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world. 13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking. 14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas. 15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.‘Starter for ten, no praying.’ 15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet’s entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols. 16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders. 17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery. 17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour. 18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again. 18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running? 19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go ‘inshallah’, or ask the Islamic council? 20.00 FILM: Shariah’s Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women. 21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week? 22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel. 23.30 They think it’s Allah over. Quiz culminating in the ‘don’t feel the Mullah’ round. 0.00 When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot. 12.30 a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories. 1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer. 2.00 The Gaza strip. The adult hour where couples discuss their favourite strategic positions 3.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/33 "2001-10-18T13:31:55Z")
\*\*WWF AFGHANISTAN IS WAR MINEFELD WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA BIN LADEN? AFGHAN BANDISTAN DEAD AT 44 BINNY HILL SHOW MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING MONDAY NIGHT AMPUTATIONS DEATH COMEDY JAM CAVE 54, WHERE ARE YOU? BIN AND STUMPY ONE EYE SPY THE O’SAMA FACTOR ONE AMPUTATION AT A TIME ACCORDING TO JIHAD POOR MAN, POOR MAN MINE LADEN HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN BOMBING 9 TO 5 NO SOAP, RADIO, FOOD, FUN LITTLE MUDHUT ON THE MINEFIELD I DREAM OF JIHAD HATE, AFGHANISTAN STYLE EMPTY CAVE THE CANDLELIGHT COMPANY THAT GIRL!- UM, I MEAN THAT ONE . . UHM, THAT ONE?\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/34 "2001-10-18T13:34:17Z")
Looks like someone already took “Mad About Everything”. Sorry about that! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/35 "2001-10-18T13:59:04Z")
\*\*ASH BRIDGES NAME THAT SCREAM WELCOME BACK, CRATER THE NEWLYCRIPPLED GAME UPTIGHT CITIZEN’S BRIGADE AFGHAN AIR FORCE: GROUNDED FOR LIFE RAGS TO RAGS HONEY, I EXECUTED THE KIDS VICE AND VIRTUE SQUAD! PICKET MINEFIELDS HAVE ANTHRAX, WILL TRAVEL HERMAN’S HEAD- OVER THERE, ON THE FLOOR CRIPPLES FROM C.A.P.E.R. KING OF THE DIRT MOUND YES, MINISTER OF VIRTUE AND VICE WOMEN ARE PEOPLE TOO . . . . . OKAY, NOT REALLY BOMB BOMB BLACK SHEEP JOHNNY SICKO AND HIS FLYING JETLINER WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER, YOU KNOW, THE PSYCHOTIC, MURDEROUS RAGING TERRORIST, GETS HOME\*\* ---
**Author:** ![evilhanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba8739/32.png) [@evilhanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhanz)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/36 "2001-10-18T15:05:38Z")
Murder, She Couldn’t Write ---
**Author:** ![evilhanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba8739/32.png) [@evilhanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhanz)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/37 "2001-10-18T15:22:09Z")
Married with 67 Children ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/38 "2001-10-18T18:47:03Z")
> [@](#): > > “Xena: Modestly Dressed Housewife”?? WAhahahahahahahahha! OMG, I’m laughin’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stupendous\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Stupendous\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stupendous_man)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/39 "2001-10-18T21:54:09Z")
The best one is “Ripleys: Believe it or else.” That’s one to remember. Thanks guys. ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144/40 "2001-10-19T13:00:06Z")
\*\*BANDS OF TERRORISTS ON THE RUN HI HONEY! I HAVE ONE HAND! NOT-SO-HAPPY DAYS PLEASE DON’T EAT THE POPPIES BLESS THIS MUDHUT PRISONER: CELL BLOCK AFGHANISTAN BINNY, THE INFIDEL SLAYER THE PRICE HAD BETTER BE RIGHT ANTIQUES ROADSHOW: TALIBAN ARMY SPECIAL EDITION PRESS YOUR LUCK: WEAR WHITE SOCKS MY THREE-HUNDRED SONS\*\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/taliban-tv-guide/87144.md?page=3)