# Talk me down! (I'm unreasonably outraged by new employee behavior) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2022, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242 "2022-11-20T04:00:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ShadowFacts](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfacts/32/2934_2.png) [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/41 "2022-11-20T16:32:38Z")
> [@flurb](#): > > Or just wish her a happy birthday and move on with your life. You’re giving this person too much free space in your head. 100% this. This is a total nothing-burger that happens to hit a personal peeve of yours. Good on you to recognize it and now you can just move on. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/42 "2022-11-20T16:55:52Z")
> [@ShadowFacts](#): > > Good on you to recognize it and now you can just move on. Yes, I do appreciate all the comments (and some funny anecdotes) in this thread. I figured if I posted there would be a mix of “oh my she does sound a bit full of herself doesn’t she?” comments along with “whatever, this really isn’t a big deal and you shouldn’t blow it out of proportion.” I know that’s the case but hearing it from other people helps. ---
**Author:** ![XOldiesJock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ec9cab/32.png) [@XOldiesJock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XOldiesJock)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/43 "2022-11-20T17:03:55Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > _She’s not a naive young person; she’s in her 40s, has a pretty solid work history, and isn’t naive in the least. If she were quite young, I’d have just chalked it up to youthful enthusiasm/inexperience._ My apologies, CC. I missed that. Yes, that’s pretty goofy for someone in her 40s. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/44 "2022-11-20T17:05:51Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > No manager can ever put their employees in a situation where their employees are giving them expensive gifts. Our managers are explicitly prohibited from accepting anything from underlings other than a card and maybe reasonably priced flowers from the entire group. No personalized gifts from individuals. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/45 "2022-11-20T17:17:03Z")
I guess there is no chance you could turn the Dec 2 board meeting into a birthday party for her. Full on balloons, cake, party streamers, even a clown to entertain the board members. Make it a complete child’s birthday party, perhaps themed for a 6 year old. At the end, tell her to say goodbye to all of her friends. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/46 "2022-11-20T17:18:11Z")
Is it just me or is this OP dripping with privilege? This is what you sound like - “Hi! I’m an important board member and to my horror my underling broke an unstated protocol by announcing her birthday during our important board meeting! I was so triggered I had flashbacks to when my wealth mom chided me for not buying a solid jade sake set!” Just buy her a birthday card or whatever your company does and move on. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/47 "2022-11-20T17:18:20Z")
I haven’t see this suggested yet. Maybe talk to the person in question? Ask what they meant by their announcement, because it struck you as odd? (Try not to be judgemental in this, because you’re soliciting information to understand where they’re coming from.) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/48 "2022-11-20T17:18:44Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Full on balloons, cake, party streamers, even a clown to entertain the board members. Make it a complete child’s birthday party, perhaps themed for a 6 year old. Snerk. Thank you for my LOL moment of the day! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/49 "2022-11-20T17:23:29Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Snerk. Thank you for my LOL moment of the day! You’re most welcome! I have a rich fantasy life. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/50 "2022-11-20T17:43:01Z")
Well, maybe it is just you. At least it didn’t strike me that way. Not sure where the “privilege” came from. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/51 "2022-11-20T17:43:45Z")
Oh - BTW - no one has yet wished ME well on this the anniversary of my natal day! (Jerks!) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/52 "2022-11-20T18:33:11Z")
Well, it sounds like maybe she’s mildly obnoxious in calling such direct attention to her own birthday, but ultimately you’re projecting your own birthday trauma onto her for it. The fact that it triggers _you_ isn’t your assistant’s fault or problem ultimately. She can’t control any of that, and while she may have acted very mildly obnoxiously by announcing her birthday, it’s not anything more than that. It’s on par with someone announcing that they have hard to get concert or sports tickets, or that they’re doing something especially fun that weekend. Mildly inappropriate and attention-seeking, but not anything beyond that. And we all do stuff like that I’m sure, and often without realizing it. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/53 "2022-11-20T18:52:10Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Well, maybe it is just you. At least it didn’t strike me that way. Not sure where the “privilege” came from. Well the OP pretty firmly established that this is an employee of theirs. This is an “issue” that seems to have no bearing on their professional conduct. That it is a “board meeting” would imply that some senior level of decision making is made. AFAICT the assistant has made no demands or requests regarding her birthday other than making people aware of it, so this is all very much about the OP. The privilege comes from the fact that the OP holds a position of seniority over the assistant and is exhibiting all the rage of feudal lord whose serf stepped out of line by exceeding their station. Maybe I just get triggered by the thought of working for someone who is so mentally imbalanced that any perceived slight or faux pas (regardless of how unintentional or insignificant) might put my job in jeopardy… ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/54 "2022-11-20T18:57:01Z")
A woman in her 40s who has to announce her birthday to relative strangers (I hardly consider 4 mos enough time to be called anything more) sounds like the one expecting to be treated with more deference. Seriously, who cares if it’s your birthday? It does sound like something a clueless 18 yo would say at her first job. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/55 "2022-11-20T18:58:04Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Well, maybe it is just you. Nope, ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/56 "2022-11-20T19:21:04Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Also, was she actually suggesting that you have cake and presents at the board meeting? That seems utterly bizarre. I would have taken it as just a request that she be wished a happy birthday. Which is a little weird, but that’s a 30 second digression from the meeting, and one that i guess my department is going to be doing under my newish boss. And not really a big deal, i think. I haven’t seen an answer to this. And maybe it wasn’t clear. But I think this is a huge distinction. @CairoCarol is reacting as if it’s the former. And I agree that it’s inappropriate to request that kind of attention at work. But if it was really just “that’s my birthday” I think the whole thing is pretty meaningless. Maybe she’d like you to wish her a happy birthday (a pretty minor ask.) Maybe she just noticed the meeting will be on her birthday, and mentioned it like you might mention that snow is predicted for the weekend. Something that others might find mildly interesting. Or just that struck her, and she’ll remember the date because of it. It would never occur to me to jump from “that day is my birthday” to “I expect you to make a big fuss on my behalf”. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/57 "2022-11-20T19:22:21Z")
Gosh, I thought I made it clear in the OP that I understood I was over-reacting based on my own background, and I wanted to do some reality testing. “ **Talk me down!** I’m **unreasonably** outraged by new employee behavior.” If that makes me sound “privileged” so be it. BTW we are a non-profit and the people at the board meeting are not rich entitled white folks - no one is rich, quite a few barely scrape by economically, and white people are the minority. I certainly wouldn’t want any of our board members who have very limited incomes, yet spend their own money to buy art supplies, to feel they need to buy the person in question a birthday present. She actually makes more on an hourly basis than anyone else who was in the room, myself included (I work for next to nothing because as the person in charge of our finances, I know how little money we have.) ---
**Author:** ![Tabco](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tabco/32/7644_2.png) [@Tabco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabco)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/58 "2022-11-20T19:26:42Z")
I think how we view our birthdays is partially a product of our environment, so we’re bound to run into others who treat the occasion with a different level of gravity than we do. Personally, I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years, and sometimes it’ll be almost noon before I even realize “oh, it’s my birthday.” The company I work for explicitly provides a paid holiday just for our birthdays so although I might have cause to share that with my coworkers, nobody here knows about my birthday. I’m OK with others making a big deal about theirs to a reasonable extent. If a card gets passed around the office I’ll make a good faith effort at writing an earnest congratulatory note, and I’ll sing along if the the traditional song breaks out. I have purchased birthday gifts for others in the past but I prefer doing so on my own terms. Ultimately I try to remember that in a sense, it’s “their day” and I don’t want to bring them down if I can help it. Likewise, when it’s “my day,” I prefer others let me reasonably observe (or not observe) the occasion as I see fit ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/59 "2022-11-20T19:35:53Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Maybe I just get triggered by the thought of working for someone who is so mentally imbalanced that any perceived slight or faux pas (regardless of how unintentional or insignificant) might put my job in jeopardy… Her job is not in jeopardy. I am satisfied with her work performance, as I noted. Nor do I have the power to fire her. That would be up to the board; I used to be a board member but I stepped down a few months ago to assume a staff position. So I don’t even have a vote. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2022, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242/60 "2022-11-20T19:37:39Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I ask, because different companies have different cultures. At my current workplace, management likes to recognize people’s birthdays. I was surprised by this my first year; I personally don’t enjoy that kind of social attention in a professional setting That was my first response. Some people get hurt when their birthday is missed _If big deals are made over other people’s birthdays_, even if they’ve failed to notice things like, said person was also marking 20 years with the company, and lots of things about that employee were being recognized that year; said employee had hit a milestone, like 50; or all employees whose birthdays fusses were made over were long-time employees, giving people lots of time to figure things out. My current workplace likes to recognize birthdays. Lots of people buy you expensive coffee, give you gift cards for places they like, or balloons, or flowers, all kinds of crap I don’t welcome, so while I actually would appreciate being wished “Happy birthday!” and leaving it at that, I don’t relish thanking people for the crap. So I stay silent about the date. I’m guessing either you recently made a fuss about who just turned 50 and has worked there for decades, or her previous workplace made a fuss over birthdays. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-im-unreasonably-outraged-by-new-employee-behavior/975242.md?page=4)