# Talk Me Down: My Daughter is in Boot Camp and I'm Worried **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723 "2015-12-07T18:20:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/21 "2015-12-07T23:08:32Z")
Everybody exerting any authority over her during this went through it themselves. (If only OBGYN nurses were held to this standard, imagine how daintily ones episiotomy sutures would be) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/22 "2015-12-07T23:34:51Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Thank you so much! And yes, I was a bit :dubious: at the Holiday Block Leave too. At first I thought it was a reward, but when my daughter called me it was to confirm I’d bought her plane ticket, otherwise she’d have to do it. > > I wonder if that break will affect the indoctrination, but I’ve heard other posts do it too, so it must work out okay in the end. Generally there is little break during the rest of the year for all those involved in training. They want to be home for the holidays too. Therefore they have block leave during the holidays (it used to be called Christmas Exodus in my day). That allows the Drill Sergeants (it’s the Army, they are not DIs) and all the support personnel to have the time off too. > [@Shodan](#): > > My son went thru this. Your reactions are completely understandable, and not at all necessary. All recruits feel like this - it is more or less the point of boot camp to make you feel inadequate and a failure so that you start thinking of yourself as part of the group and not an individual. > > Everyone hates boot camp, for lots of perfectly valid reasons. You are not fretting over nothing. Boot camp is designed to look impossible, but the average recruit can get thru it with nothing more than ordinary determination. > > Advice, based on what my son went thru - > [ul][li]Send lots of letters to your daughter. Do not expect her to have any free time to answer, but keep sending. My son said he was consistently the one in his unit who got the most mail (both from us and from his friends). Talk about “normal” things. Boot camp is almost entirely divorced from “normal”.[/li][li]DO NOT SEND ANYTHING THAT IS NOT ON THE APPROVED LIST that you should have gotten. No candy, no treats, nothing like that. Small pictures are good. [/li][li]Don’t send money.[/li][li]Don’t decorate the outside of the envelope. The DI will notice. As you heard, being noticed by the DI is Bad. [/li][li]She is not going to wash out. Based on my son’s description, you really have to work hard at getting sent home. Some of the people he met did work hard at it. Most of them got their wish.[/li][li]The news that “the other girls are helping” is **really good news**. You are supposed to hate the DIs (she will) but be friends with the other recruits. It’s working.[/li][li]Did I mention to send lots of mail? Two short letters twice a week is worth more than one long letter once a month. She is not going to have a lot of bright spots in her day. Mail call can be a bright spot. [/ul][/li] > Regards, > Shodan All excellent points. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/23 "2015-12-07T23:46:18Z")
Another helpful note, perhaps. Drill Sergeants are carefully selected, and highly trained. Pure pragmatism on the military’s part, of course. Generally speaking, they’ll be about the best noncoms the service can find. -never military, but a brat, which gives me some insight ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/24 "2015-12-08T00:59:12Z")
Now that she’s in boot camp she is eligible for the military’s EAP benefit, Military OneSource. Short term non-medical counseling, tax preparation, financial counseling (getting you out of financial trouble as well as keeping you out of it), and a wide variety of other services all at no cost to her. Check out their website (militaryonesource.mil) and encourage her to do so while she’s on break. It will come in very, very handy throughout her military career, regardless of how long that ends up being. She can even call and schedule an appointment to talk to a peer consultant, who not only has a background in behavioral health but also has either been in the military or is currently serving. It’s great to be able to reach out and talk to someone who’s been there/done that. Good luck to her! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/25 "2015-12-08T01:27:42Z")
I will mention it in my next letter! Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/26 "2015-12-08T01:46:57Z")
I grew up in and lived many years in a military town. For that matter, not just a military town, a military region with lots of military retirees and military related folks that decided to settle there. Tell her that there are many people out there that are proud of her, respect her, are pulling for her, and wish nothing but the best for her. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/27 "2015-12-08T02:12:25Z")
It’s the Army, not the Marine corps, so remind her that when she gets to the rifle range, load the pointy end of the bullets facing forward. And honestly, probably the safest place to be anymore is in basic training. I’d be more worried if she was attending a holiday parade of public gathering. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/28 "2015-12-08T02:17:29Z")
You really shouldn’t treat her, or even think of her, as your little girl; don’t give her a sense of a refuge. She has to tough her way through it. I’ve watched three young relatives go through this, and believe me, none was happy when I tried to contact the Joint Chiefs of Staff. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/29 "2015-12-08T02:27:32Z")
> [@j666](#): > > … > > I’ve watched three young relatives go through this, and believe me, none was happy when I tried to contact the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Well, that’s the problem. You need to write the POTUS and cc. the unit CO. That’ll get a little attention and a steak dinner. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/30 "2015-12-08T02:38:35Z")
Lord yes send her letters. When I was in basic, letters were the only thing that kept me going. I wonder what the going Drill Sergeant Rate is for letters and care packages in her unit. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/31 "2015-12-08T03:11:48Z")
My experience with basic training, US Army, is forty years out of date. But some things never change. There’s homesickness. I’d been out of high school for a year, had one year of college, then joined the Army. For a while I thought I’d made the worst mistake of my life. But I hung in there. What your daughter needs to remember is that it’s only a couple of months. Folks can handle most anything if you know it will end. After basic everything else was easy. Did I mention she needs to remind herself it will eventually be over?😃 I did get to travel, like I wanted to. That was cool. I broke out of my sheltered upbringing, and met so many new kinds of people. And it will be over!😛 What is her MOS? and where will her advanced training be? I don’t often actually go to Facebook. I mean, I signed up for it but I don’t live there like some people do. But do you know why I joined? Like many I was looking for someone. I wanted to know if my drill sergeant was still around, and sure enough I found her, and we exchanged a few words. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/32 "2015-12-08T03:18:58Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Well, that’s the problem. You need to write the POTUS and cc. the unit CO. That’ll get a little attention and a steak dinner. I think that whole attention thing is considered a Bad Idea, but next generation, I’ll try that. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/33 "2015-12-08T05:21:35Z")
The biggest shock to me in recruit training was the lack of the reasonableness I had grown up to expect. It’s a different world, and until she finishes recruit training, she’ll have to accept the training cadre is NOT going to be reasonable. It’s all mental games and after it’s over, she’s going to be swapping horror stories with her Army buddies trying to top each other with how horrible it was. Do NOT send her care packages while she’s in recruit training. They’ll call attention to her and she won’t get to eat any. Photos in a letter would be okay. And consider this: those postcards you can get at the post office with the stamp already printed on it. Pre-address the front for her and she’ll have the whole back of the post card to drop a couple of lines to someone back home. Oh, this Xmas Block Leave? On her return from leave, she can expect to have EVERYTHING she brings back in her duffle bag searched. She may very well be strip searched while they check the uniform she wore back from leave for any contraband. And she’ll have to go through a drug screening too. And grass can be detected for 30 days. She shouldn’t take it personally, every returning recruit will go through it. There may be 3 non-issue items she MIGHT be allowed to bring back with her to recruit training. Bras, panties, and/or running shoes. She should ask her Drill Sergeant about this BEFORE she goes on leave. No fancy schmancy undergarments, comfort and support is what she’ll want to look for. No cleavage enhancing stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/34 "2015-12-08T06:38:30Z")
From my brother: It’s like school, the stuff you get during training makes the rest of the service look just SOOOOO easy and so nice by comparison. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/35 "2015-12-08T07:49:20Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > [Here’s mine.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7343595#post7343595) Shit, great story bro. And really piqued my interest in the thread. Deja vu as I had a post in your original thread as well. Thanks for bringing back memories. To the OP, only thing I know is that everyone I know that’s ever been in boot appreciated a letter or a postcard. Keep 'em going. If it would help and not draw the attention of her DI, maybe post the addy and the teemings can drop a line. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/36 "2015-12-08T07:57:34Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Well, that’s the problem. You need to write the POTUS and cc. the unit CO. That’ll get a little attention and a steak dinner. Thank you! I was wondering when SOMEBODY would say it! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/37 "2015-12-08T08:04:46Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Ivygirl had been spinning her wheels and on her own decided to join the Army. She started boot camp last Tuesday, 12/1. > > She’s been able to call home twice, once to let us know her mailing address (if anyone wants to drop her a line of support, PM me) and on Sunday (yesterday) to confirm her Holiday Block Leave (I guess they’re allowed two weeks home for Christmas, which is a new one on me.) > > Both times she sounded shaky and teary. Before she went in Ivylad, who was in the Navy, and other friends who were in the military, told her to keep her head down and do as she was told, that if the DIs knew her name that was bad. > > Well, they know her name. :eek: > > She was called a princess because she didn’t get from standing to push-up position fast enough on the first day, her hair is too frizzy (they don’t cut the women’s hair in the Army, but it does have to be bunned back on the neck with no wisps escaping) and she was so excited about getting her M4 she was chatting about it in chow and got it taken away from her (although it was returned to her by another DI, I guess because they were not told NOT to talk about it in chow.) > > I told her last night she would get better and she did say the other girls are helping her with her hair, so that’s a good sign. I know this is at least 75% a mental game and she has to be broken down before she can be built back up. But she’s my little girl and I’m worried. I want her to do well. > > Can you share your experiences of boot camp, either being in it or having a kid go through it, and let me know I’m fretting over nothing? I keep fearing she’ll call saying, “I washed out, they’re sending me home,” (to his credit, Ivylad laughs at me, saying I always look for something to worry about.) > > I’ve written her already, telling her we’re very proud of her and that she can do this. I can’t really help much, but, I’m mystified…a two week break in boot camp? ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/38 "2015-12-08T11:27:32Z")
I’d like to ask, 1. How physically fit was your daughter going in? 2. Has she ever been yelled at or pushed around by an authority figure like say a coach? 3. Does she make friends easily especially friends outside her race or current social circle? 4. What are her goals in joining like a certain career or something? ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/39 "2015-12-08T12:46:46Z")
I really enjoyed my time in basic training, I think because I got in shape before I joined, so it wasn’t nearly as difficult and because I was 23, five years older than most of the other guys so I just didn’t take it as seriously and recognized that a lot of it was just a mental game. I really laughed my ass off most of the time because listening to drill sergeants insult people is pretty hilarious, and then they hear you laughing and smoke the shit out of you. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/40 "2015-12-08T12:53:36Z")
I attended Navy OCS (Officer Candidate School) in 2002, which is boot camp for officers, run by Marines. It was by far the toughest experience of my life to that point. For me it was an incredible shock to the system. It never became “fun”, and I always looked forward to the end, but it was endurable and it definitely made me stronger and better. Your daughter will be fine. Even if she washes out, she’ll be fine. If she makes it through, she’ll come out stronger and better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723.md?page=3)