# Talk Me Down: My Daughter is in Boot Camp and I'm Worried **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723 "2015-12-07T18:20:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/61 "2015-12-09T14:49:13Z")
You know, that may be a good idea. I’ll get her father to yell at her while she’s doing it. What do you think, **Bear\_Nenno**? Anything I should add? ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/62 "2015-12-09T16:44:28Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > You know, that may be a good idea. I’ll get her father to yell at her while she’s doing it. What do you think, **Bear\_Nenno**? Anything I should add? Keep the same schedule for rise and shine and bedtime -no variations Keep the same eating habits (I recall x number of glasses of water) Keep some form of PT/Marching/Walking going Occasionally walk in her room in the middle of the nighte and yell “GAS GAS GAS” - Part of basic is developing some good habits - 2 weeks off in the middle can break ALL of them. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/63 "2015-12-09T16:47:01Z")
> [@Spgsamuel](#): > > one of the lessons the military teaches is discipline this is done by forcing people acknowledge authority. its not a game like some people treat it or appear to. it is good to become subservient almost entirely loose all ties to what your brain tells yourself you should do and actually admire and respect people, tell the truth and speak in plain facts followed by ‘sir’ and try to sound like you enjoy it, in fact enjoy it and learn to enjoy it. > > i mean personally, this might make me sound nuts, but you should ask yourself why you joined there are many reasons such as ‘as a means to better myself spiritually through discipline or as a means of education’ in such case fighting isn’t going to be top of your lists of fun things to do. and its worthy making a mental note of this as there are many positions in the military that don’t feature heavy combat and many that are valued as non combatants such as a petty officer in one of their specialist fields. > > i mean if you want to shoot terrorist. then you need to keep that in mind. the military loves that kind of attitude > > so basically what I’m saying is she needs to focus on whats she doing because its much more likely to start happening and inevitably it will happen. > > attitude is hard to learn, difficult to force and can be a real pain with no experience. but pain is not the enemy here if it hurts your probably winning right there. when an officer pushes you its not criticism, it is belief in your ability. he doesn’t talk like that to anyone else because they do not have the same potential. I think you raise some good points - but its not “subserviant” or ‘shutting off your own brain’. People don’t join just to “shoot terrorists” - (well, some may - but thats not why all do) Its more akin to learn a) break down some individuality (everyone’s a pickle) b) learn chain of command (whys that guy sqad leader, we got here same time) c) a whole lot of processing d) learn new habits It isn’t ‘summer camp’ - but its also not ‘brain washing’. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/64 "2015-12-09T17:11:11Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I think it’s a mistake too, but I don’t think she was given an option. They’re shutting down basic training for Christmas. She called me before ticketing day to see if I’d purchased her ticket home. If not, she was going to have to do it. So one way or the other, they’re sending her home. She could have waited to start after the holidays but she didn’t. So we’ll have to muddle through. There will be soldiers who simpky cannot afford to fly back home and others who just don’t want to. She definitely has the option. Training is shut down, but there will be Drill Sergeants designated to stay back and “baby sit” the soldiers who don’t go home. Usually a specific co.pany in the brigade is designated as the rear detachment company. On the last day before Exodus, soldiers are divided up into groups according to their method of transportation home. Soldiers being picked up by family, soldiers going to the airport, soldiers going to the bus station, etc. One group will be soldiers not going home at all. These soldiers will be marched to the hold-over company and considated with others from across the brigade. So she wont be staying in her current living area and wont be with her current drill sergeants or battle buddies. She will go back after break is over though. She cannot be forced to take leave or purchase tickets. There is definitely a plan for soldiers to stay back. Block leave is treated like a compex operation (because it is). They have been planning it for at least the last month or so, and they definitely have a plan for soldiers who either dont want to or can’t afford to go home. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/65 "2015-12-09T17:14:55Z")
PM me her mailing address. I will use it to look up the staff duty number of her battalion and ask about the soldiers’ options for block leave. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/66 "2015-12-09T18:14:34Z")
Hmm. It wasn’t presented as an option. Either we bought the ticket or she did out of casual pay, which I believe is an advance on her January pay. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/67 "2015-12-09T18:32:03Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Serious question: What’s the worst that can happen? … Serious answer … she could die. Military people are killed in all kinds of training accidents. They’re putting weapons in the hands of people who don’t know how to use them. They’re pushing kids beyond physical limits that they’ve never faced before. They get tired and inattentive and … they make a mistake. Not to say this is common, and sorry to be a downer, but it is certainly possible. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/68 "2015-12-09T19:00:48Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Serious answer … she could die. Military people are killed in all kinds of training accidents. They’re putting weapons in the hands of people who don’t know how to use them. They’re pushing kids beyond physical limits that they’ve never faced before. They get tired and inattentive and … they make a mistake. > > Not to say this is common, and sorry to be a downer, but it is certainly possible. Scariest training day: everyone has to toss a live hand grenade. There is invariably someone who cannot throw more than 3 feet, or someone who thinks it’d be cool to cook one before tossing. The only event I ever saw Drill visibly nervous. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/69 "2015-12-09T19:51:37Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Scariest training day: everyone has to toss a live hand grenade. There is invariably someone who cannot throw more than 3 feet, or someone who thinks it’d be cool to cook one before tossing. The only event I ever saw Drill visibly nervous. Don’t they practice with dummies first? ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/70 "2015-12-09T20:10:34Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Ivygirl had been spinning her wheels and on her own decided to join the Army. She started boot camp last Tuesday, 12/1. > > She’s been able to call home twice, once to let us know her mailing address (if anyone wants to drop her a line of support, PM me) and on Sunday (yesterday) to confirm her Holiday Block Leave (I guess they’re allowed two weeks home for Christmas, which is a new one on me.) > > Both times she sounded shaky and teary. Before she went in Ivylad, who was in the Navy, and other friends who were in the military, told her to keep her head down and do as she was told, that if the DIs knew her name that was bad. > > Well, they know her name. :eek: > > She was called a princess because she didn’t get from standing to push-up position fast enough on the first day, her hair is too frizzy (they don’t cut the women’s hair in the Army, but it does have to be bunned back on the neck with no wisps escaping) and she was so excited about getting her M4 she was chatting about it in chow and got it taken away from her (although it was returned to her by another DI, I guess because they were not told NOT to talk about it in chow.) > > I told her last night she would get better and she did say the other girls are helping her with her hair, so that’s a good sign. I know this is at least 75% a mental game and she has to be broken down before she can be built back up. But she’s my little girl and I’m worried. I want her to do well. > > Can you share your experiences of boot camp, either being in it or having a kid go through it, and let me know I’m fretting over nothing? I keep fearing she’ll call saying, “I washed out, they’re sending me home,” (to his credit, Ivylad laughs at me, saying I always look for something to worry about.) > > I’ve written her already, telling her we’re very proud of her and that she can do this. I went through basic training when I was a bit older (23) so it wasn’t nearly as difficult for me as it was the 18 year olds (I really felt sorry for the 17 year olds they had the worst time of anyone). The chances of her “washing out” are almost non-existent so long as she doesn’t give up. (BTW nothing good ever came from trying to get out of the Army when you’re in basic training. You have 6 months during which you can get out and basically get an annulment but if you take that option while you’re still in basic your life will suck and it will take months to “process” the paperwork.) The Drill Sergeants (never DI) never do anything for sadistic reasons, rather they always have a reason for the things that they do. Think of it this way though. Imagine how much it would cost to go through basic training in the real world. Your daughter is getting an all expenses paid health spa experience. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/71 "2015-12-09T20:12:45Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Don’t they practice with dummies first? Yes, not the same thing especially for some dummy who wants to do something stupid. Also the average woman can’t throw a grenade beyond its effective range, fortunately when you throw it you’re behind a bunker and you don’t get to watch it blow up (you duck). ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/72 "2015-12-09T20:18:33Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > No Soldier who has taken that advice has ever regretted it. You originally weren’t expecting her home for the holidays anyway. Let her stay there and get in an extra 2 weeks of PT and 2 weeks of studying all her Warrior Tasks and Drills. And then she will have earned leave available when it’s time to take leave again in the future. > > She just left home. It is such a waste of time, money, leave, training and effort to take that 2 weeks off. > > That’s my advice anyway. How can she stay on base if the base closes? Doesnt that mean the dining hall also shuts down? Where would she eat? Do the gyms or exercise facilities also shut down? Would they clear the snow if they get that? What if the heat goes down? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/73 "2015-12-09T20:37:24Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Don’t they practice with dummies first? They do. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve done it or are somehow familiar with high explosive kabooms. Growing up I was a boy’s boy–have always been able to run, jump, throw, climb, shoot, deal with mild to moderate cuts & sprains, whatever. It was nothing for me to pick up the dummy grenade and chuck it within a couple feet of where it was supposed to go. But waiting in line to throw the live one, you hear dozens go off before it’s your turn. Well, yeah you hear them, but you also _feel_ them. The concussion is simply unsettling in its power (don’t get me started on claymores!) and you’ve got all that time to hear & feel it, and to think about how bad it would be if something goes wrong like that one in a million time as a kid when you threw a baseball and managed to hit yourself in the back of the head. By the time it came to be my turn I was shaking a bit and definitely had some butterflies. Drill noticed, said the kindest thing I’d heard in a month to help me get myself together, and I got the thing thrown. To the uninitiated, “Throw a live hand grenade” being a requirement sounds like a waste of time and grenades. It is absolutely not, IMHO. More germane to the OP, it really sucks that that Ivygirl’s training is getting broken with a 2 week holiday. Basic is full of daily trials, like grenade range day, that create both stress and confidence. It’s a crucible of sorts to deal with so much in so short a time with not much time to reflect. One day it’s all over and you’ve graduated, and that’s when it really sinks in that you’ve done a LOT in 2 months in addition to carving yourself a new body. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/74 "2015-12-09T20:49:56Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > How can she stay on base if the base closes? Doesnt that mean the dining hall also shuts down? Where would she eat? Do the gyms or exercise facilities also shut down? Would they clear the snow if they get that? What if the heat goes down? Bases do not “close down” for the holidays. There are permanent people there who are stationed at that base that still have to work. The context for this is the formal BASIC TRAINING aspects of the base may stop for 2 weeks, but there is still a functioning base there. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/75 "2015-12-09T21:23:10Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Scariest training day: everyone has to toss a live hand grenade. There is invariably someone who cannot throw more than 3 feet, or someone who thinks it’d be cool to cook one before tossing. The only event I ever saw Drill visibly nervous. My husband has met MORE THAN ONE drill sergeant with a hand injury caused by having to think fast when a new soldier utterly and completely borked the grenade toss. Threw it the other way. Dropped it. Didn’t clear the wall that’s right there. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/76 "2015-12-09T21:26:23Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Don’t they practice with dummies first? Yes, they call them “recruits”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/77 "2015-12-09T21:39:10Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > As for the 2 week vacation thing. I will recommend to you the same thing I recommended to all of my initial entry soldiers. Don’t do it!! > Yes, every training base in the Army shuts down for 2 weeks and allows the soldiers to go home. It’s really the worse time to ship off and her recruiter should have explained this to you. I was in AIT (Advanced Individual Training – the job-type training after Basic [remember, it’s the Army and they call it “Basic Training” not “Boot Camp”]) at Ft. Gordon during the Christmas Exodus, I stayed on base and I don’t regret doing it. Everyone who stayed got marched over to one battalion that we shared with other trainees and we had to do half days of post beautification duty but then we were “free” in the afternoon. I got a 3 day pass when my mom came to visit for Christmas and I didn’t go into the hole with leave time. I went on leave the two weeks between training and shipping out to Turkey and it was a better time to do it. My advice is that she should just keep her head down and do what needs to be done. It’s tough mentally and physically but then it’s over and she’ll be done. My other piece of advice is that being able to imitate your drill sergeant is a mixed blessing. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/78 "2015-12-09T21:58:13Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > … > > You’d be surprised at how many Soldiers start training for a couple weeks, go home for Christmas vacation for two weeks and then piss hot when they get back. They are immediately out-processed and sent back home permanently. Wow, _in my time_, there would have been an army of somewhere between 0 and -1 if that applied. Hell, we even passed the smoke on the bus on the way to our physicals. But then, selective service /= voluntary enlistments in today’s armed forces. ETA, a 2 week break, I bet the army would have spend the next 6 months rounding up the recruits if that happened then. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/79 "2015-12-09T22:11:41Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Hmm. It wasn’t presented as an option. Either we bought the ticket or she did out of casual pay, which I believe is an advance on her January pay. Did you already buy them? I just called them and they confirmed that there will be a hold-over company for Soldiers who choose to stay. Oh well, if the tickets are purchased, time to just focus on enjoying her holiday time with the family. Fortunately she has a long AIT, so at least she won’t be in the hole by the time she gets to her first duty station. She will be at 0 days, but thats better than -15. And yes, casual pay is an advance on next month’s pay. She would have already received a casual pay for her Eagle Cash card when she arrived as well. So she wont see a real paycheck until February. Of course… she wont need one by then, either. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you and/or your Soldier! ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723/80 "2015-12-09T22:14:11Z")
I’ll echo being scared at the grenade range. We had to stand in this long concrete dug-out type building standing side-by-side and across from each other with a grenade in each hand, I was only scared because all it would have taken was for some idiot or suicidal private to pull the pin and pop off the little clip and blow everyone away, it could easily be done without a chance to run away or get out in time. The best days were the one doing all the obstacles with nets and repelling down the wall and getting to shoot all the different weapons. It is amazing how quick you get in shape too, when I got there I ran my first two mile in like 19 something minutes when I left I ran my last pt test in 14:30, which isn’t particularly fast compared to some but I could tell I had greatly improved from a cardiovascular standpoint and I could break through to the extended scale with my push-ups which was what I was always best at of the three events. It’s really crazy to learn how much physical endurance really is just mental, with your brain overriding the body and making it continue, you find out you’re capable of way more physically than you think, especially if you didn’t have any kind of athletic background or play many sports before going through basic, I saw many amazing physical transformations from people who were overweight when they got there, it really builds your confidence. I had also never experienced runner’s high up until that point and starting off the morning with a six mile run really makes the rest of the day feel like gravy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talk-me-down-my-daughter-is-in-boot-camp-and-im-worried/739723.md?page=5)