# Talking Toilets **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 3, 2007, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331 "2007-07-03T11:17:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ColonelDax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@ColonelDax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColonelDax)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/1 "2007-07-03T11:17:06Z")
Apparently commodes will be conversing with their users soon, according to [this](http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/newsindex.shtml?/cgi/news/release?id=202192) delightful statement released today on PR Newswire. Messages wil be along the lines of “Remember to wash your hands,” the release says, which I guess beats hearing one’s toilet say “Yow! What a log!” or “Jeez, what crawled up your ass and died?” Anyway, color me :dubious: , what does the rest of Doper Nation think? ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/2 "2007-07-03T12:20:08Z")
“We sampled the urine from that drunken chick you brought home last night.” “It’s gonna start burning when you pee, dude.” :eek: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/3 "2007-07-03T12:35:05Z")
Well, I see it as a logical cost-cutting measure for companies that have had to offer public toilets. They won’t be paying for any TP for me to use. There are several appliances that I could see having some kind of useful communication from. The fridge, for example, might be usefully set to monitor expiration dates of things put into it. (Oy! Are you meshuggeh? Have you seen what’s growing on that stuff that used to be salad when you put it into me last week? Spare us both anguish, and **get it out of here!** ) But the toilet is not something I want to have talking at me. Nor the shower. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/4 "2007-07-03T12:43:57Z")
Have a look at this thread from February: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=408647&highlight=talking+urinals](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=408647&highlight=talking+urinals) Evidently the idea is spreading. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/5 "2007-07-03T12:59:47Z")
“What are you looing at?” ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/6 "2007-07-03T13:08:20Z")
Forget the voice, what about a little LED readout for _presentation_ and _delivery_. With a “high scores” feature. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/7 "2007-07-03T13:12:27Z")
“I’m honored to accept your waste.” ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/8 "2007-07-03T13:16:39Z")
I want one with a bidet. So, when the bidet kicks on, it goes “glaglaglaglaglagla.” ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/9 "2007-07-03T14:57:45Z")
A progress report might be nice. _“Your turd clipper’s clean. You may go now.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/talking-toilets/410331/10 "2007-07-03T15:04:19Z")
Super glue through the speaker grate.