# "Tank for Tua" OR The 0-16 NFL Season Thread (2019 ed.) **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [September 11, 2019, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066 "2019-09-11T20:03:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/101 "2019-10-08T21:47:53Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > It’s a shame the schedule rotation landed on the AFC East (Dolphins & Jets) playing both the AFC North (Bengals) as well as the NFC East (Redskins). It’ll be like Highlander, only with crappy football teams. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/102 "2019-10-08T22:40:52Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > It’ll be like Highlander, only with crappy football teams. 😃 I didn’t see the end of the game between the Bengals and Cardinals. Did Kyler Murray scream with lightning streaming into him after the win? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2019, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/103 "2019-10-13T20:24:10Z")
No way that screen pass on the 2-pt conversion was ever going to work. The Dolphins are going to win this thing, because they’re _trying harder_ (to lose)! ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2019, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/104 "2019-10-13T20:26:55Z")
That was pathetic, and par for the course. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/105 "2019-10-13T20:49:13Z")
Dolphins stay on top in their race to the bottom. I may have got that wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Harrington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac8455/32.png) [@Harrington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harrington)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2019, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/106 "2019-10-13T21:21:47Z")
It was a well orchestrated one point loss, you know, to fool the skeptics. I can imagine Brian Flores telling Ryan Fitzpatrick to take it easy. We made it look good, but we don’t want to win here. Fitzpatrick complied, even though he knows his efforts are designed to replace him. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2019, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/107 "2019-10-13T23:03:30Z")
Jets are currently leading the Cowboys. What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2019, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/108 "2019-10-14T01:15:31Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Jets are currently leading the Cowboys. What the hell? The return of Sam Darnold, clearly. 😉 And, just like that, we’re down to two winless teams: the Bengals, and the Dolphins. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/109 "2019-10-16T16:58:57Z")
And then there were two… The Redskins won because the Dolphins went for a two-point conversion instead of a tying point after. This was probably because a tie at the end of overtime was feeling inevitable. The Jets got their 1st Round QB back and beat the Cowboys. This disappointed fans of the awe-inspiring ineptitude, but delighted every non-Dallas fanbase in the country. Here are our remaining Two Telentless Teams, sorted by yards gained minus yards allowed. Also shown is average margin of loss, and their next opponent: **Miami Dolphins** 0-5, -205.6 yds/gm (-27.6 ppg) at Bills (4-1, +4.0 ppg) **Cincinnati Bengals** 0-6, -118.3 yds/gm (-10.3 ppg) host Jaguars (2-4, -2.3 ppg) I’ll now include 1-win teams, because they suck, too: **New York Jets** 1-4, -137.8 yds/gm (-12.0 ppg) host Patriots (6-0, +23.7 ppg) **Washington Redskins** 1-5, -98.5 yds/gm (-12.8 ppg) host 49ers (5-0, +16.6 ppg) **Atlanta Falcons** 1-5, +2.5 yds/gm (-8.5 ppg) host Rams (3-3, -0.2 ppg) ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/110 "2019-10-16T18:52:47Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Jets are currently leading the Cowboys. What the hell? How 'bout: “The hype surrounding that team from Texas was overblown after they won 3 games against three of the worst teams in the N.F.L. this season and now they’re being shown for what they really are - ‘just another team’ masquerading as a S.B. contender.” ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/111 "2019-10-16T19:36:27Z")
Somebody is going to “win” the NFC East. I’d bet the Eagles right now. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/112 "2019-10-23T16:47:16Z")
Fun little twist on the upcoming Miami vs Steelers game: > [@](#): > > Miami has the 2019 Steelers first round pick. Handing them an L on Monday night would move the Steelers into the bottom 5 records. Winning for Miami would move them from 1 to 2, and they would still be in control of their “Tua destiny”, as losing out from that point gives the Jets wins and the Bengals a win. This would guaranteed move the back into the #1 overall 2019 pick. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/113 "2019-10-23T18:49:04Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > I’ll now include 1-win teams, because they suck, too: > **New York Jets** 1-4, -137.8 yds/gm (-12.0 ppg) host Patriots (6-0, +23.7 ppg) I definitely think the Jets deserve to be back in the race after a monumentally pitiful effort against the Patriots. Coming off a solid performance against the Cowboys (quarterback rating 113.8), Sam Darnold was close to hopeless (11 completions, 4 interceptions, one lost fumble, QB rating 003.6, troubled by “ghosts”). ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/114 "2019-10-29T13:39:51Z")
I missed a Week Seven update, but never fear, nobody won then. After a Monday Night scare early, the Dolphins reverted to being very Dolphin-y, giving up 27 unanswered and never scoring again. Way to not give up on the dream, guys. They even got a little extra salt rubbed in by letting one of their tank trades intercept them twice. Meanwhile, the Bungles literally fell over themselves to give Cooper Kupp a career day, and generally acted as the Washington Generals so the Rams could give Londoners a show. Here are our remaining Two Substandard Squadrons, sorted by sacks per game. Also shown is average margin of loss, and their next opponent: **Cincinnati Bengals** 0-8, 1.13 sacks/gm (-10.8 ppg) on BYE **Miami Dolphins** 0-7, 1.29 sacks/gm (-23.0 ppg) host Jets (1-6, -15.3 ppg) None of the 1-win teams won, because they suck, too: **New York Jets** 1-6, 1.29 sacks/gm (-15.3 ppg) at Dolphins (0-7, -23.0 ppg) **Washington Redskins** 1-7, 2.38 sacks/gm (-12.0 ppg) at Bills (5-2, +1.7 ppg) **Atlanta Falcons** 1-7, 0.88 sacks/gm (-10.6 ppg) on BYE Miami has one of their many chances to screw this endeavor up this week with the Jets coming to town. Somehow I don’t think there will be ghosts to see in Hard Rock Stadium. (Or, as my two-year-old would put it, “No rawrs. All gone rawrs.”) But then again, the green New York City team is fully capable of shooting themselves in the foot. The Bills should pad their wildcard resume against Washington. Who’ll start at QB and will they finish the game? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/115 "2019-10-29T13:53:28Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Miami has one of their many chances to screw this endeavor up this week with the Jets coming to town. Somehow I don’t think there will be ghosts to see in Hard Rock Stadium. (Or, as my two-year-old would put it, “No rawrs. All gone rawrs.”) But then again, the green New York City team is fully capable of shooting themselves in the foot. The “attempted” 2-point conversion at the end of the Washington game was pretty definitive proof that the Dolphins are losing intentionally, and they will not be denied. The play had absolutely zero chance of succeeding. Had the Redskins just stepped aside, I’m certain Fitz still would have just thrown the ball at the RB’s feet. It was the most obvious dive I’ve ever seen in the NFL. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2019, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/116 "2019-11-04T02:19:08Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > … > Miami has one of their many chances to screw this endeavor up this week with the Jets coming to town. … Sure enough, the Dolphins screwed themselves by winning. Proving bad teams can’t even tank properly. According to [tankathon.com](http://www.tankathon.com/nfl), they’d pick 4th if the draft happened now. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/117 "2019-11-05T23:52:47Z")
**we’re #1!!! We’re #1!!! We’re #1!!!** ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2019, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/118 "2019-11-06T18:42:48Z")
I think the Bengals would definitely pick a QB at #1. Or #2 #3 or #4. I picked “Tank for Tua” for the thread title because it sounds catchy, but it seems Tagovailoa is underperforming. Justin Herbert, too. I haven’t really gotten to watch any college football. Anybody else have a scouting report for top prospects? ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2019, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/119 "2019-11-06T18:44:35Z")
The good news for the Dolphins is that they still play the Bengals and the Jets again. So if they lose out they’ll be back in the #1 spot. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2019, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066/120 "2019-11-06T18:57:22Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > I picked “Tank for Tua” for the thread title because it sounds catchy, but it seems Tagovailoa is underperforming. Justin Herbert, too. > > I haven’t really gotten to watch any college football. Anybody else have a scouting report for top prospects? Is Joe Burrow a senior? He could be the next Tom Brady. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tank-for-tua-or-the-0-16-nfl-season-thread-2019-ed/840066.md?page=7)