# Tantrums and insanity...mine. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602 "2001-08-16T18:42:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/21 "2001-08-17T05:46:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Deej \* > Last thing…I found that once I stopped phrasing what I wanted him to do in the form of a question, it gave him almost no opportunity to tell me “NO!”, so there was little to no chance of even starting with a battle of wills Fantastic advice! I must be an idiot for not realizing this. Thank you! BTW, welcome to the boards! And when you post, look above the typing area for this: > [@](#): > > Forum Rules: > Who Can Read The Forum? Any registered user or guest. > Who Can Post New Topics? Any registered user. > Who Can Post Replies? Any registered user. > Changes: Messages CANNOT be edited by their author. Messages CANNOT be deleted by their author. > Posts: HTML code is Off. **Smilies** are On. vB code is On. [IMG] code is Off. and hit the “smilies” link. That’ll tell you how to do them all. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/22 "2001-08-17T06:44:25Z")
You’ve gotten great advice here. I went through all of it with both of mine, and ignoring it/remaining consistent/not taking it too seriously got us through. The only thing I can think to add is that when my oldest (and most stubborn) was at the tantrum stage, I sometimes had a very hard time controlling my own anger and frustration. When I found myself getting so upset that I was afraid I was going to scream at her or hit her, I learned to give _myself_ a time out. That happened pretty rarely, but when it did, the sight of Mommy putting herself in her own room for 5 or 10 minutes startled my little Myth right out of her own tantrum. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/23 "2001-08-17T07:07:06Z")
Removing the audience is my attempted tactic most of the time. Primaflorette Number One threw hideous awful dramatic tantrums which were hell on earth to live with. I never found much that was effective but time has helped and I certainly can detach myself from the strength of his emotion now. According to the childcare which has the pleasure of Primaflorette number two, he throws world beating temper tanties too but in comparision to his brother, he is totally outclassed. I pick my battles carefully. Most of the time. It will get better. Or so they tell me 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/24 "2001-08-17T07:23:19Z")
As a former toddler I can say that what worked for my mother was that she was the proverbial hard place. There was always outside (we lived in a forest with no bad animals) or my bedroom. Or if I was really being a snot, my sister’s bedroom (me being male). I never ever won a tantrum and was smart enough to recognize the fact that not only was I acting like a fool but I was not getting anything from it. So I ended up not doing it very often. My sister on the other hand was not as fast of a learner as I was and so had a lot more of them. And they lasted until … well … until my sister moved out at 17. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/25 "2001-08-17T08:51:08Z")
Dear Sue, When I was younger, I had twins. Sometimes, they got the best of me too. All I can advise is to try your hardest, and make sure you have someone to talk to when it gets to be too much. I will never forget laying down on the floor between the cribs, rocking one with my hand, the other with my foot, making car noises at 3AM. Try to hold on to the knowledge, which I’m sure is already there, that it’s all worth it. And if you need someone to yell at, gimme a call. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/26 "2001-08-17T13:44:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Deej \* > **Last thing…I found that once I stopped phrasing what I wanted him to do in the form of a question, it gave him almost no opportunity to tell me “NO!”, so there was little to no chance of even starting with a battle of wills. Instead of saying things like “Let’s go take a shower now, OK?” or "It’s time for you to take a nap/eat your lunch/get your diaper changed now, OK?"** We had a child psychologist come speak at my daughter’s pre-school and he told us something similar. Kids get upset when they don’t have any choices - they want to be in control. Give them choices _that aren’t really choices_…they feel like they are in control because they get to decide what to do but YOU have limited the choices in such a way as to have predetermined the outcome. “Do you want to put your shirt or your pants on first?.. you decide?” “Do you want to clean your room or take a bath first…its your pick?” “Want mommy to change your diaper on the bed or on you changing table?” For my kids making them part of it also really helps. “Can _you_ bring daddy a fresh diaper so we can get you changed?” “Which color soap do you want to choose for your bath?” etc… Oh, and welcome to the boards **Deej**. NP: **The Ramones** - _Loco Live_ ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/27 "2001-08-17T16:08:34Z")
Since you got good advice already, may I suggest you “go runnin’ for the shelter of mother’s little helper?” ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/28 "2001-08-17T16:21:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > \*\*Since you got good advice already, may I suggest you “go runnin’ for the shelter of mother’s little helper?” \*\* If that has anything to do with a bottle of Cabernet, I spent most of last night in that shelter. ToddlerNym is once again tantrumming, she’s up in her room and I could care less. Maybe I should just be hungover every morning. ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/29 "2001-08-17T16:27:02Z")
Hey, that was quick. Retraining working! Thank gaw. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/30 "2001-08-17T16:37:23Z")
Thanks for the free birth control Sue! ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/31 "2001-08-17T16:43:33Z")
I’m all for the redirecting her to something else. That makes it easier for all concerned. As said above, DO NOT make it seem like she is being rewarded for her behavior. Make it something that you would have to do anyway, such as doing the wash, and see if the little one wants to help (eg. making piles on the floor of the socks, whites, pants, etc.) The Babette and I also give in to her sometimes when she asks nicely to change our minds. She’s 4.5 now, though. When the Nymlet gets old enough, get her to understand that she can try to change your mind, and you might give in. Also tell her firmly, that if she cries/whines/does an tantrum-like (Tantric?) display, you will NEVER give in. Re: corporal punishment, we will on occasion give the older one (since the age of about 2.75 or 3) given her a pinch for exceptionally bad behavior. It is reserved for maybe 3-5 times per year. She gets the idea that this is a bad one, but it is not so violent as a jerk/slap/spanking, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/32 "2001-08-17T16:46:42Z")
Oh, yeah, The Babette also gave herself a time out a few times and closed herself in the bathroom for a few minutes. The first couple of times that really freaked out Baby Babe I. Now she knows that if this happens, that means that mommy is getting REEEEEEALLY upset. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/33 "2001-08-17T20:05:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manservant Hecubus \* > \*\* I will never forget laying down on the floor between the cribs, rocking one with my hand, the other with my foot, making car noises at 3AM. \*\* Word around the **Straight Dope House** is that you still do it. Did it just last night in fact. It does explain the rhythmic creaking coming from your room. 😃 \<—sneaking away really really fast… Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602/34 "2001-08-18T05:41:11Z")
i remember that funny tantum toddler nym threw when we drove up together for the “Alcatraz that wasn’t trip”. And then later that day how she kept slipping out of her stroller. I’m sure it was hectic for you though :). Anyway, mom used to wait out the tantrums my brothers and I used to throw. She told me she’d say “you can come out when you can behave” and just leave us in our rooms, and waited for us to come out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tantrums-and-insanity-mine/76602.md?page=1)