# Tarantula Claus! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 22, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540 "2003-12-22T22:15:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/1 "2003-12-22T22:15:27Z")
Gather round children, uncle Inky has a Christmas tale to tell you all – a _cautionary tale_. Now, we all know that on Christmas eve Santa Claus brings toys and goodies to the good boys and girls of the world, and coal to the naughty kids. But what about the really, _really_ naughty kids? Well I tell you, these poor souls get a visit from TARANTULA CLAUS!! Yes, Tarantula Claus. What, you’ve never heard of Tarantula Claus? Well maybe if you turned off that stupid Nintendo box once in awhile you’d learn something, smartass. Now sit down and listen. Tarantula Claus is an eight foot tall mass of tangled, matted brown fur. His eyes are grey and soulless and there is no laughter in his tight-lipped grin. On Christmas eve he harnesses together his pod of magic flying dolphins and… Yes, flying dolphins. Yeah, and flying reindeer makes perfect sense does it? Sit down Cindy. As I was saying, he harnesses his flying dolphins onto his magic ornamental bridge and soars through the night, searching for naughty little boys and girls so he can steal their gall bladders to sell in Chinese medicine shops!! What’s that Bobby? Oh no, Tarantula Claus wouldn’t come looking for you. No, Tarantula Claus only comes after _naughty_ little children, the kind of children who go peeking at the magazines uncle Inky keeps under his matress, but we don’t know anybody like that, do we… Say, what’s that noise? You don’t really think it might be … [HIM!?](http://www.dazzled.com/inkygreen/) AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/2 "2003-12-22T22:26:41Z")
[sub]Mommy.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/3 "2003-12-22T22:39:43Z")
I finally figured aout who stole my gall bladder in christmas 92. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/4 "2003-12-22T22:51:08Z")
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the first example of Reasons Why Christmas Should Be Banned In Places Where There Is No Snow. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/5 "2003-12-22T23:11:20Z")
If I’m really good will Tarantula Claus whisk away a politician of my choice and cocoon him up for dinner? On Flipper! On Jones! On Dorsal and Blowhole! ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/6 "2003-12-23T00:10:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*Ladies and gentlemen, I present the first example of Reasons Why Christmas Should Be Banned In Places Where There Is No Snow. \*\* It’s got nothing to do with snow, California is a just a weird reality unto itself. Oh, if anybody’s interested I’ve discovered that [my neighbor](http://www.dolphinsbycindy.com/Dolphins.htm) will make you a dolphin for between $450 and $650. Great for that hard-to-buy-for person on your Christmas list! ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/7 "2003-12-23T00:20:30Z")
I [thought](http://www.dolphinsbycindy.com/Birds.htm) it was a donkey’s head. I wonder if my gall bladder whas pulverized and sold to some tourist looking for home remedies? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/8 "2003-12-23T03:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macrophage \* > \*\*I [thought](http://www.dolphinsbycindy.com/Birds.htm) it was a donkey’s head. \*\* … a donkey smoking a cigarette! ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/9 "2003-12-23T07:36:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manduck \* > \*\*… a donkey smoking a cigarette! \*\* Exactly! Kinda more like weed actually. ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/10 "2003-12-23T08:02:50Z")
That reminds me of one of my favorite online comic strips: [http://www.plif.com/archive/wc062.gif](http://www.plif.com/archive/wc062.gif) ---
**Author:** ![radar\_ralf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@radar\_ralf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/radar_ralf)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/11 "2003-12-23T08:23:53Z")
You guys are scarin’ me over here… ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/12 "2003-12-23T08:24:52Z")
Don’t worry. I don’t think tarantula claus can make it all the way to Tbilisi. ---
**Author:** ![radar\_ralf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@radar\_ralf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/radar_ralf)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/13 "2003-12-23T09:12:43Z")
LOL! Good one, **Macrophage**! I’ll sleep better tonight… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/14 "2003-12-23T20:34:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manduck \* > \*\*… a donkey smoking a cigarette! \*\* …_and_ wearing a blindfold. Dear God, this Cindy person creates mosaics of donkeys being executed by firing squad! Sick, sick, sick… ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/15 "2003-12-23T22:28:57Z")
Welcome, **Hal**!! It’s always interesting to see what thread will lure in a new victim… er, I mean poster!!! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarantula-claus/220540/16 "2003-12-23T22:55:33Z")
Thanky, **DeVena** …It’s only taken, ohhh, four years or so of lurking. Oh course the fact that the holidays have made the workplace rife with slack helped give a push to finally post.