# Tarquinus The Proud was NOT Proud
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 9, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558 "2013-01-09T00:02:56Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/21 "2013-01-09T04:45:14Z")
His son was Sextus “The Sextus Machine, Whether She Consents or Not, It’s All Good” Tarquinius
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/22 "2013-01-09T04:52:51Z")
Ivan the Terrible was what the Russians call _Ivan Grozniy_ – meaning “terrible” not in the sense of “horrible” but in the sense of "awesome, " as in “Oz the Great and Terrible.”
Ivan was terrible in **both** senses, of course.
(Australia – Oz – is terrible in neither sense, unless you count [the wildlife](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/UsefulNotes/AustralianWildlife?from=Main.AustralianWildlife) . . .)
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/23 "2013-01-09T04:57:09Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#):
>
> Well, that and slaughtering the Sabines.
“Slaughtering” is perhaps [not the best word](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_the_Sabine_Women) . . .
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/24 "2013-01-09T04:58:11Z")
Vlad the Impaler was surprisingly undersexed.
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/25 "2013-01-09T05:00:01Z")
You know, Leto II may have been a God Emperor, and he may have been a Tyrant. Time will judge him accordingly, eventually. Future time, like.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/26 "2013-01-09T05:28:31Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#):
>
> “Slaughtering” is perhaps [not the best word](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_the_Sabine_Women) . . .
No, that happened after the slaughter. At the Number Six Dance.
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### Author:  [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/27 "2013-01-09T05:49:00Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#):
>
> Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
Nobody knows if he was fat :). The nickname was coined in the twelfth century ( Charles lived in the ninth ) and was almost certainly related to mistaken impressions of his personality and ability based on political propaganda.
> [@pravnik](#):
>
> Similarly, Timur the Lame was not lame at all. He was freakin’ _awesome!_
Damn straight!
> [@Colibri](#):
>
> And Charles the Bald merely had a receding hairline.
Charles the Bald’s nickname _was_ contemporary, but may have been ironic. Baldness was considered a source of hilarity in his time and the suggestion has been made that instead of being bald he may actually have been exceptionally hairy ;). But nobody really knows on this one, either.
* * *
Just saying.
On a completely unrelated note I charge $25 per three second glance at my exam answers.
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### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/28 "2013-01-09T06:10:12Z")
I want to get in on this trend, but I need to check my facts first. Who do I see about having Richard the Lionheart exhumed?
Failing that, the alternative is to have every lion from the same time period examined and see if any hearts are missing.
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/29 "2013-01-09T06:17:10Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#):
>
> Damn straight!
Quiet, you!
😉
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### Author:  [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/30 "2013-01-09T06:36:48Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#):
>
> Everyone I’ve met called Tarquin has been a stuck up little turd.
The Grand Moffs are the worse.
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/31 "2013-01-09T10:02:28Z")
I have it on good authority that Bloody Mary didn’t present with particularly heavy flow. Also, despite the vicious rumours, Richard I Plantagenet had a perfectly normal, human heart.
Henri IV “the verdant gallant” really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that [pimp-ass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:HenriIV.jpg) motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He’s mentally undressing you _right now_.
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/32 "2013-01-09T14:49:15Z")
Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
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### Author:  [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/33 "2013-01-09T15:09:39Z")
Basil the Bulgar-Slayer really did slay Bulgars. Lots of them. For some reason, Bulgars really bugged him.
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### Author:  [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/34 "2013-01-09T15:53:46Z")
Ethelred the Unready was actually as well-prepared as anyone reasonably could have been, under the circumstances.
So there.
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### Author:  [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/35 "2013-01-09T16:26:08Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#):
>
> Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
Was he kinda butch?
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/36 "2013-01-09T16:29:17Z")
> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> \
>
> Henri IV “the verdant gallant” really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that [pimp-ass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:HenriIV.jpg) motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He’s mentally undressing you _right now_.
You wouldn’t think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn’t!
> [@smiling\_bandit](#):
>
> Was he kinda butch?
Not really. He did, however, want to be a lumberjack.
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/37 "2013-01-09T16:37:38Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#):
>
> Was he kinda butch?
Well, he was also called “Vigo the Swish.”
Once.
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/38 "2013-01-09T16:42:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> You wouldn’t think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn’t!
Oh yeah. And Kingy likee what he sees. Hm- **hm** mm, girl.
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### Author:  [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/39 "2013-01-09T16:43:26Z")
We can probably get a bunch of these threads out of the way now.
Cap’n Crunch was really an Admiral.
George Washington didn’t do his own laundry, nor did he weigh it.
And Gozer the Gozarian probably didn’t change to a blue eyed, blonde haired child of Germany.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tarquinus-the-proud-was-not-proud/646558/40 "2013-01-09T16:49:20Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#):
>
> Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
Mostly true, any way. But Moldavia explained it wasn’t really sorrow it was feeling - more like a sense of deep disappointment. Moldavia just felt Vigo could be doing so much more if he applied himself.
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