# Tasteless (heh) cannibal jokes here, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 30, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796 "2004-05-30T15:39:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/1 "2004-05-30T15:39:01Z")
I can’t explain it, and won’t even attempt to excuse myself, but I love cannibal jokes. Guess I’m just warped. Unfortunately, I only know/remember two of them: 1. Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other “Hey, does this guy taste funny to you?” 2. Two cannibals standing in front of a campfire, one says to the other “I hate my mother-in-law” and the other cannibal says “That’s okay; just eat the rice.” So, with a topic as sick, twisted, gross and entirely icky as cannibalism, there have to be lots more. So let’s have your best (oh, okay, and worst) cannibal jokes right here. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/2 "2004-05-30T15:45:34Z")
Two cannibals are eating this guy, one starts at the feet and the other starts at the face. The first cannibal asks his buddy “How are you doing?” The 2nd cannibal says “I’m having a ball!” So the first one says, “Jeeze, you eat fast…” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/3 "2004-05-30T15:52:11Z")
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped. Then there was the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle. Two cannibals have a woman in a giant cauldron. One says to the other, “It’ll have to be Manhattan-style. She’s on her period.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/4 "2004-05-30T15:54:32Z")
Two nuns are in a rapidly heating cauldron. One nun prays earnestly to her Saviour. The other nun starts laughing hysterically. “Why are you laughing?” asks the first nun, “We’re about to meet our Father!” The laughing nun says, “I just crapped in the soup!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/5 "2004-05-30T16:00:09Z")
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The Chief goes to the Frenchman and says, “We are going to kill you, eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin!” But, being a considerate tribe, the Chief offers the Frenchman a last request. The Frenchman asks for a large cognac. Naturally (since this is the way things work in jokes) he is granted a large tumbler of cognac, and is then killed. The Chief says to the Englishman, “We are going to kill you, eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin!” and offers the Englishman a last request. The Englishman chooses a pint of ale, after which he is killed. The Chief says to the New Yorker, “We are going to kill you, eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin!” and offers him a last request. The New Yorker asks for a fork. “A fork?” asks the Chief. “Yes, a fork.” So the New Yorker gets his fork. Immediately he starts stabbing himself over and over again while shouting, “Here’s your fucking canoe!” ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/6 "2004-05-30T16:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Johnny L.A._ > Two cannibals have a woman in a giant cauldron. One says to the other, “It’ll have to be Manhattan-style. She’s on her period.” :eek: I hereby pronounce this the most tasteless one so far!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/7 "2004-05-30T16:57:28Z")
What does Hannibal Lecter call Michael Jackson? The \*other \* white meat. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/8 "2004-05-30T16:59:59Z")
Did you hear about the two cannibals who had dinner at a comedy club? They split a gut! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/9 "2004-05-30T20:43:58Z")
Did you hear about the philanthropic cannibal who wrote a book called _How to Serve Your Fellow Man_? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/10 "2004-05-30T20:49:32Z")
This kind of stuff is why I love you guys! Keep ‘em comin’! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/11 "2004-05-30T21:06:26Z")
Buffet. [http://www.98cannibaljokes.com/](http://www.98cannibaljokes.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/12 "2004-05-30T21:17:30Z")
Didja hear about the beatnik cannibal? He ate three squares a day! ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/13 "2004-05-31T00:44:31Z")
While walking past the entrance to a cave, one cannibal sees another cannibal frantically gobbling down the many deposits of bat guano on the ground. “Are you crazy?” he asks. “Why are you eating _that_?” The other cannibal pauses from shovelling shit down his gullet and explains, “That last guy I ate turned out to be a lawyer and I have to get the taste out of my mouth!” ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/14 "2004-05-31T02:52:20Z")
Should we put the _classy_ cannibal jokes in another thread? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/15 "2004-05-31T03:56:53Z")
Ellen Barkin told this joke on Letterman’s show some years back: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? “Are you going to eat that?” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/16 "2004-05-31T11:31:22Z")
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the dinner guest who arrived late? “I’m sorry, everyone’s eaten”. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/17 "2004-05-31T11:59:28Z")
What did the cannibal give his wife on her birthday. A box of Farmer’s Fannies. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/18 "2004-05-31T12:13:51Z")
OK, this is bad, really, seriously, bad, but that’s what you expect right? Q. What did the cannibal lesbian say to the other cannibal lesbian? A. See you next month. > [@Snooooopy](#): > > Should we put the _classy_ cannibal jokes in another thread? 😃 Yes, I also am puzzled by the mysterious absense of classy cannibal jokes. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/19 "2004-05-31T13:49:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Shade_ > Yes, I also am puzzled by the mysterious absense of classy cannibal jokes. No need to be puzzled; I specifically requested _tasteless_ cannibal jokes, and these Dopers are a literal-minded bunch! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ColonelDax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@ColonelDax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColonelDax)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796/20 "2004-05-31T13:49:54Z")
A cannibal isn’t feeling well and goes to see the witch doctor, who asks what the cannibal ate most recently. “Well, yesterday I came across this short, fat guy who was mostly bald and wearing a brown robe, and I killed him, boiled him and ate him,” the cannibal replies. “There’s your problem,” the witch doctor says. “He wasn’t a boiler, he was a friar.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-heh-cannibal-jokes-here-please/247796.md?page=2)