# Tasteless jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567 "2007-09-18T01:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/121 "2007-09-20T17:20:16Z")
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first vampire tells the bartender “I’ll have a pint of O-negative blood, slightly chilled.” The bartender serves him thusly. The second vampire says to the bartender “I’ll have a pint of B-negative blood, light on the hemoglobin.” The bartender serves him thusly. The third vampire says “I’ll have a cup of hot water.” The bartender is slightly thrown by this unusual (for a vampire) order. Nevertheless, he produces the requested hot water. “I’m a little confused,” asks the bartender “Since you are a vampire, don’t you want to drink blood?” Just then, the vampire produces a used tampon. “No, I’m having tea.” ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/122 "2007-09-20T17:21:37Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] How can you tell when a French woman has an orgasm? She drops her baguette. We could riff on this all day! [/QUOTE] I think that would have to be “She puts out her Gauloise.” ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/123 "2007-09-20T17:36:52Z")
How do you make a baby stop crying? Pull your dick out of its ass. What’s the difference between 20 dead babies and a Ford Mustang? I don’t have a Mustang in my garage. What’s the difference between a dead baby and an apple? I don’t come on an apple before I eat it. ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/124 "2007-09-20T18:33:37Z")
What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will fuck anyone, and a bitch will fuck anyone but you. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Rosewater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mr.Rosewater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Rosewater)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/125 "2007-09-20T19:14:57Z")
[QUOTE=niblet\_head] Did you know there’s three streets in Chicago that rhyme with vagina? Paulina. Regina. And Lundt. [/QUOTE] Just to further nitpick this joke, the second street should be [Melvina](http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=touhy+and+melvina,+chicago&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=57.424512,112.851563&ie=UTF8&ll=42.013033,-87.781878&spn=0.006664,0.013776&z=16&iwloc=addr&om=1). There is no Regina in Chicago. My contribution… Why was Jesus so popular with women? Because He was hung like this!{hold your arms out} ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/126 "2007-09-20T19:33:56Z")
Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek? Because it takes place in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/127 "2007-09-20T19:35:35Z")
What hates sex and won’t stop crying? The 10-year old Mexican boy locked in the trunk of my car. Knock knock. _Who’s there?_ Amy. _Amy who?_ Amy Fisher - BANG! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/128 "2007-09-20T19:40:33Z")
A black man takes a girl home from a night club. She says “Show me it’s true what they say about black men.” So he stabbed her and stole her purse. (Courtesy [Sickipedia](http://www.sickipedia.org/).) ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/129 "2007-09-20T19:40:48Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Rosewater] Just to further nitpick this joke, the second street should be [Melvina](http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=touhy+and+melvina,+chicago&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=57.424512,112.851563&ie=UTF8&ll=42.013033,-87.781878&spn=0.006664,0.013776&z=16&iwloc=addr&om=1). There is no Regina in Chicago. [/quote] Well, hell, Paulina and Melvina don’t really rhyme with vagina! Screw it. I never tell this joke to people from Chicago. I’m stickin’ with Regina. I think the joke works better that way. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/130 "2007-09-20T19:49:31Z")
How can you tell if your sister’s on her period? Your dad’s cock tastes of blood. And my favourite ever: What’s blue and fucks children? Me, in my lucky blue suit! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/131 "2007-09-20T20:08:00Z")
[QUOTE=niblet\_head] Well, hell, Paulina and Melvina don’t really rhyme with vagina! [/QUOTE] Au contraire, my provincial friend. Paulina \*is \*pronounced “Paul-eye-na”. I’ve never actually heard Melvina said out loud, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Melvina also has a long I. We can discuss Devon (“Duh-VAHN”) and Goethe (“GO-thee”) next if you like. Or maybe more dead vampire baby slut jokes instead… ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/132 "2007-09-20T20:16:02Z")
I’ll jump in before this thread sinks or is closed… Did you know that toothpaste was invented by a West Virginian? Yup, anyone else would have called it “Teeth Paste” Why do women have legs? So they don’t leave a slime trail. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/133 "2007-09-20T20:21:35Z")
What do you do if there’s an epileptic in your bath? Throw in your washing. What do you call a leper in the bath? Porridge. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/134 "2007-09-20T20:23:58Z")
Here is the official “Going to hell now” joke around here. What’s white and runs down the cross? The second coming of Christ. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/135 "2007-09-20T20:26:30Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] What do you call a leper in the bath? [/QUOTE] Stu. Why did God invent women? Because sheep can’t type. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/136 "2007-09-20T21:33:23Z")
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? The phone rang and she answered the iron. How did she burn the other side? They called again. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/137 "2007-09-20T21:42:12Z")
“Mommy, mommy! I HATE my sister’s guts!” “Shut up and eat what’s in front of you” What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who floats in water? Bob! What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who hangs on a wall? Art! What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who lies in a ditch? Phil! What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who floats in a pot of boiling water? Stew! What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who props open a door? Jim! What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs who lies on the floor? Matt! What do you call a one-legged girl? Eileen! What do you call a one-legged girl from China? Irene! What do you call a one-legged girl on the beach? Sandy! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/138 "2007-09-20T22:00:52Z")
My favorite from Sickipedia so far: > [@Sickipedia](#): > > uncle chester is at his niece’s birthday party. when they are alone he says, “my present is a surprise. you have to close your eyes and i’ll put my finger in your belly button.” > > the girl closes her eyes. and then says, “hey, that’s not my belly button!” > > “surprise! that’s not my finger either!” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/139 "2007-09-20T22:11:22Z")
What do Kodak film, peanut M&Ms, and Woody Allen have in common? They all come in a yellow box. ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2007, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567/140 "2007-09-20T23:18:01Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? The phone rang and she answered the iron. How did she burn the other side? They called again. [/QUOTE] Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive?Because she’s a woman! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tasteless-jokes/419567.md?page=8)