# Tattling on an old sex offender. What to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652 "2010-12-28T22:24:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/21 "2010-12-29T00:43:04Z")
Say something. She needs to know what he is, even if she doesn’t have kids right now. It’s a pity that the SOL have run out. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/22 "2010-12-29T00:53:56Z")
Do it – if you prevent just one victim, it’s worth it. Either way, what have you got to lose? ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/23 "2010-12-29T01:14:05Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Do it – if you prevent just one victim, it’s worth it. This. Regardless of whether there are kids currently involved in his world..the girlfriend should know what she’s dealing with. Maybe she has a best friend who is a single mother, and they would end up baby sitting for her kid. You don’t need to fight him, and you don’t need to save the world from itself..but you can try to let her make an informed decision on who she is dating. If you are worried about the legal side of the issue..is there a law school in your city? The one I used to work at provided free legal advice in some situations. It may be an easy way to get some answers. Good luck. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/24 "2010-12-29T01:15:19Z")
The real question is whether the OP is doing this for “the good of someone” or “for revenge” No one but the OP can answer that question. I guess you’d have to try distancing yourself. For instance, one could ask oneself, “Would I say something if the abuse had happened to a cousin of mine?” Since there’s no right or wrong here, the motivation is the key. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/25 "2010-12-29T01:22:54Z")
> [@](#): > > The real question is whether the OP is doing this for “the good of someone” or “for revenge” the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/26 "2010-12-29T01:31:53Z")
I’m not sure why my motivation is relevant. Either you think it’s an important thing to mention or you don’t. Which is it? I’m a very inertial (read:lazy) person, and would prefer to do nothing unless compelled otherwise. If that answers your question? If I were compelled to exact revenge, there are an enormous host of more effective ways to go about that. To put it plainly, I’m not seeking revenge. Which you would already know if you read post# 9. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/27 "2010-12-29T01:40:39Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m a very inertial (read:lazy) person, and would prefer to do nothing unless compelled otherwise. If that answers your question? If I were compelled to exact revenge, there are an enormous host of more effective ways to go about that. To put it plainly, I’m not seeking revenge. Which you would already know if you read post# 9. having been a recipient of the same kind of “attention” you were (though thankfully not within family) I really do feel for you. though as I said I’m a spiteful, vindictive prick so I would really want to inform whoever I could (especially his SO) for any number of reasons. that he “cries himself to sleep” is all well and good but it doesn’t undo anything, and doesn’t mean he won’t re-do the same things again. though, along with being spiteful and vindictive, I’m also an Internet Tough Guy so the chances of me following through on anything like that are slim. so, I guess, my advice would be to just go with your gut. only you know your family and the people you know, so you’ll just have to balance the upside with the potential downside. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/28 "2010-12-29T01:51:16Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > having been a recipient of the same kind of “attention” you were (though thankfully not within family) I really do feel for you. though as I said I’m a spiteful, vindictive prick so I would really want to inform whoever I could (especially his SO) for any number of reasons. that he “cries himself to sleep” is all well and good but it doesn’t undo anything, and doesn’t mean he won’t re-do the same things again. > > though, along with being spiteful and vindictive, I’m also an Internet Tough Guy so the chances of me following through on anything like that are slim. so, I guess, my advice would be to just go with your gut. only you know your family and the people you know, so you’ll just have to balance the upside with the potential downside. Thanks! I can be an internet tough guy elsewhere so I know how it is 🆒. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/29 "2010-12-29T02:05:18Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > It was very recently brought to my attention that my father, who molested me several times when I was 11 (15 years ago), also molested another young female in our family. One of my cousins. I didn’t tell anyone about it until I was 24 (couple years back), and she didn’t tell anyone until just now. I was not aware that this was something that had happened to anyone other than me, and for various reasons it got me thinking. > > The statute of limitations on filing charges tolled a long time ago, so I’m not looking to do that. I am wondering if I should out these skeletons to his girlfriend. I do not know much about her or whether she has any children, but I have a legitimate concern that he may do things to another young girl if given the opportunity. I haven’t been in contact with him for a few years now. But I know that I could get his address from my sister. > > I guess I just wonder if I should say anything to her, or if I should just keep doing what I’m doing now (which is nothing). I was reasonably content to just cut off contact with him but again, I am worried about him re-offending if given the opportunity. > > Thoughts? The man should be outed to all and sundry! ---
**Author:** ![pudytat72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pudytat72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pudytat72)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/30 "2010-12-29T03:40:58Z")
You need to tell. My dad molested my two older sisters and me. Then, 19 years after he stopped molesting me, my mom came home from shopping to find him in bed with my sister’s 4 year old daughter. Don’t let your dad hurt anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/31 "2010-12-29T04:14:56Z")
oh, and Rachel, whatever you decide to do, don’t think of it as “tattling.” Tattling is a kindergartener telling the teacher that mean old Braden pulled her hair. this is a little more significant. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/32 "2010-12-29T06:37:11Z")
I’m certainly outnumbered by those who say blow the whistle loud and long and I can understand why. I still think it better to consider ALL the possible consequences, if there are any. If you’ve done that and are prepared to accept those consequences, if any, then I am in favor of speaking up, which I said above. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/33 "2010-12-29T07:25:42Z")
Seriously, you should talk to someone in your county prosecutor’s office, and get some more authoritative information on whether in fact he can no longer be prosecuted. Also, if you lived elsewhere as a child, that state may have a different date when molestation can’t be charged anymore. If you moved around a bunch as a kid, there may be a bunch of jurisdictions to research. Do you know how long ago this happened to your cousin? And where? Perhaps if it was more recent he could still be charged for those rapes. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/34 "2010-12-29T07:27:33Z")
She’s already indicated that she’s not interested in prosecuting him. And that’s okay. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/35 "2010-12-29T10:27:45Z")
Tell, and brace yourself to not be believed. You’ll probably be accused of lying, being a troublemaker, seeking revenge, evil, malice, mental illness, etc. None of that matters. Get the truth out there and hope that a seed of doubt will be sown that might prevent this ever happening again - and if it does, you will at least know that you didn’t allow it to happen by remaining silent. Tell. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/36 "2010-12-29T14:40:49Z")
He has molested two people that you know about. I have a hunch you aren’t the only two. The man is a serial offender. Eve if his girlfriend doesn’t have children, she no doubt has nieces ro cousins or friends with children. If you don’t tell and later find out thisd man molested them, how are you going to feel? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/37 "2010-12-29T14:49:03Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > She’s already indicated that she’s not interested in prosecuting him. And that’s okay. It’s actually _not_ ok because he’s still a danger to other children. ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/38 "2010-12-29T15:23:21Z")
He almost certainly has child pornography stashed somewhere, on his computer most likely, that could get him busted. If you tell his girlfriend maybe she’ll go snooping around and find it. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/39 "2010-12-29T19:56:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s actually _not_ ok because he’s still a danger to other children. It isn’t the victim’s responsibility to prevent further attacks. Obviously, if the victim is capable of dealing with the consequences of a prosecution, it is a good idea to do so, but if she says she isn’t capable, that’s the end of it, and she doesn’t need to feel guilty. This was thrust on her as a _child_, for goodness sakes; nothing about it is her fault. Especially considering the SOL has run out, and that the chances of his being found guilty are fairly low. Telling his SO is a great idea to protect kids, if she is able to handle that, but if for some reason she didn’t feel mentally healthy enough to deal with that either, then that would also be a reasonable decision. These things are very very hard, but the evil and pain was begun by the perpetrator, and ultimately all the guilt is his. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652/40 "2010-12-29T20:18:15Z")
The only other advice I can give you is – if you tell anyone, you need to be prepared to tell everyone. First, these things get around. Second, there may be unexpected consequences. If the girlfriend does have children, and he’s been left alone with them, and she does some further checking and finds evidence of molestation, for example. Or the family starts talking, and all the sudden a bunch of other victims speak up, and some of them were molested a lot more recently. This isn’t to say you’d be asked to testify in court, though that’s possible too. But you might be interviewed by investigators as the original source of the story, and you need to be ready to stand by what you say. Victims who accuse and later recant can cause all sorts of problems. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tattling-on-an-old-sex-offender-what-to-do/565652.md?page=3)