# Teach Me How Not To Be Stupid, Please **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 3, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624 "2012-10-03T21:13:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/1 "2012-10-03T21:13:08Z")
After the intellectual embarrassment that was [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=667453), I feel like I could use some help from the teeming millions. So I’m hoping we can cover such advanced topics as: [ul] [li]How To Walk and Chew Gum At The Same Time[/li][li]How To Walk and Talk At The Same Time[/li][li]How To Remember To Breath[/li][li]How Not To Run Into Things While Walking and Not Talking Or Chewing Gum[/li][\*]And so on[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/2 "2012-10-03T21:18:40Z")
Just put =INTELLIGENCE(150) into your protocols. Geez. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/3 "2012-10-03T21:42:21Z")
\*Breathe ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/4 "2012-10-03T21:47:52Z")
For starters, shed the bees. They sting. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/5 "2012-10-03T21:59:06Z")
God, how I wish there were an answer! I overlook stuff that is in plain sight…all the damn time. I fail to put two and two together. I was talking with my sister about meeting her on Friday, and, right there as I’m talking, I mention how I’m driving out of town on Friday. “How are you meeting me, then?” Duh? I hadn’t ever even consciously realized I was double-booking myself. The real answer to avoiding feeling stupid this way is to Pay Attention. But that’s tough. There simply isn’t an “attention” gland. Hey, could be worse… Some folks here have posted “Oh, yeah, you’re a \*\*\*\*” posts, thinking they were in the BBQ Pit. Oopsie! ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/6 "2012-10-03T23:10:40Z")
This Bush video may help: [Bush -Machinehead- Kingdom Hearts - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em44c0VEZF4) Advice begins at 36 seconds or so. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/7 "2012-10-03T23:25:16Z")
[quote=“Covered\_In\_Bees, post:1, topic:636624”] [li]How Not To Run Into Things While Walking and Not Talking Or Chewing Gum[/li][/QUOTE] This is my nemesis. I usually blame the fact that I have very poor depth perception, or else that I was thinking deep, important thoughts, but it does happen far too often for my liking. On my way home from the train station, there is a tree with low hanging branches that I walk into _almost every day_. At this point, I just sigh and think, “Oh, it’s that tree again. And surprisingly, it’s in the exact same spot that it was in the last time I walked into it.” ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/8 "2012-10-03T23:25:19Z")
- Breathe ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/9 "2012-10-04T00:04:20Z")
Just be careful with what you say. Be impeccable with your word, it is the magic you possess. By just keeping this one simple rule in mind everything else will fall into place. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/10 "2012-10-04T15:32:58Z")
You know what I want to learn? The Art of Turning Around Quickly and Dramatically and Exiting Hastily Without Running into Something. I always see them do this in the movies. I always know if it was me, my dramatic exit would be marred by me spinning around and running right into the wall. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/11 "2012-10-04T15:58:10Z")
A few years ago I started a thread titled “How to walk down stairs.” I should have titled it “How to fall down your own stairs like a dumbass.” ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/12 "2012-10-04T17:03:29Z")
I _would_ criticize your thread about determining the median, but it’s outside my mode of operation; I’m determined not to be mean. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/13 "2012-10-04T17:16:44Z")
First thing to avoid is getting distracted. For instance if you look outside and see a bird, like that red one there, probably a Cardinal. They come back every year here, or maybe don’t go anywhere for the winter. I don’t know, I don’t go out much in the winter. I hate the cold. I hate the heat too. Why do we say ‘the cold’ but not ‘the hot’? ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/14 "2012-10-04T17:35:00Z")
I don’t make a lot of mistakes in real life. Why? Because I figured out long ago that inside me lives a dumb ass. Someone whose work always needs to be triple checked, and whose speech needs all kinds of filters before being released to the general public. I’m sure there’s a mistake somewhere in this post, but this isn’t real life. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/15 "2012-10-04T18:43:51Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > [li]How Not To Run Into Things While Walking and Not Talking Or Chewing Gum[/li] I’ve been walking down the same hall in my home of 24 years and I still crash my shoulder into the doorways from time to time. I just bounce off and have another go at it. The stupid people are the ones who have to stop and concentrate hard on getting through doorways safely. That occasional crash is my reassurance that I’m not thinking about walking. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/16 "2012-10-05T12:33:20Z")
I found the anzwer onze on ow to nut be sTpid but forgat it. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/17 "2012-10-05T12:47:22Z")
When using the elevator, push the button for the floor you want to go to, not the floor you’re on. Why won’t this damn thing work? Oh. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/18 "2012-10-05T14:00:14Z")
> [@mack](#): > > When using the elevator, push the button for the floor you want to go to, not the floor you’re on. > > Why won’t this damn thing work? Oh. Heh. Also, make sure you’re actually in the lobby before exiting the elevator. Yes, I’ve gotten off on the wrong floor, and because there were other people in the car, I pretended that I meant to do that and stayed. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/19 "2012-10-05T14:56:04Z")
Another elevator-related one: Let people who are on the elevator off before you try to get on. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624/20 "2012-10-05T15:00:56Z")
Well, when faced with a situation or a complex choice, think of the smartest, most knowledgeble person you can. Then ask yourself, what would that person do in this situation? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teach-me-how-not-to-be-stupid-please/636624.md?page=2)