# Team America - Oh my God that was awful. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 9, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008 "2006-05-09T02:46:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/41 "2006-05-09T15:07:40Z")
[QUOTE=ChuckForbin] But can someone remind me what the “panther” scene was ? It’s keeps getting mentioned but I can’t recall it. [/QUOTE] FAG members release a pair of panthers on two of the Team which are actually just a pair of black domestic cats. Their faces are shown in slow motion to mimick a panther roaring I’m not sure why I needed to spoiler that, but at least I can’t be accused of spoilering. My girlfriend liked that part which was a relief after seeing it in a cinema full of teenagers throwing popcorn and the vomit scene :o ---
**Author:** ![ChuckForbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@ChuckForbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckForbin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/42 "2006-05-09T15:12:06Z")
[QUOTE=FilmGeek] The “panther” was a black housecat. [/QUOTE] Ahh, thanks. Perhaps I wasn’t, um, fully coherent while watching it. Maybe that’s why I thought it was so funny. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/43 "2006-05-09T15:35:22Z")
This is one of the funniest movies ever and if you don’t think so you are just a communist. The truth hurts, I know, but it had to be said. “Dirka dirka dirka.” “Oh, dirka dirka dirka.” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/44 "2006-05-09T15:58:04Z")
Allah Mohammed Durka Jihad. ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/45 "2006-05-09T17:59:32Z")
[QUOTE=Hamlet] But this was like watching Michaelangelo paint dogs playing poker, or Meryl Steep doing porn. [/QUOTE] so… You wouldn’t watch Meryl Streep in a porn? 'Cause I would totally be down with that. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/46 "2006-05-09T18:24:25Z")
> [@](#): > > That’s exactly why it was funny! [QUOTE=cmkeller] FlyingDragonFan: To a certain point, yes. After a while, I found myself saying, “All right, already, get on with the movie, willya?” Matt & Trey have great comic timing, but it was a bit off on that scene. [/QUOTE] I think, perhaps, that they had just finished watching SNL. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/47 "2006-05-09T18:43:55Z")
[QUOTE=Hamlet] I didn’t see the director’s cut, and I probably never will… Yes, [the sex scene] was outrageous, but completely unfunny, which is kinda my point about the movie. [/QUOTE] If you saw only the R-rated version, then you didn’t see the part that triggered my reaction. I don’t think it would have helped your enjoyment of the movie, though. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/48 "2006-05-09T18:54:51Z")
[QUOTE=RandMcnally] Dude, they’re puppets…WITH STRINGS! How can that _not_ be funny? [/QUOTE] I would normally agree with this–the fifty foot tall marionette of Emily Dickenson in [Being John Malkovich](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120601/) made me crack up immediately–and yet in this movie…nope. Just another one of those things that was amusing for two minutes, tolerable for ten, and tedious after fifty. [QUOTE=sleeepy2] so… You wouldn’t watch Meryl Streep in a porn? 'Cause I would totally be down with that. [/QUOTE] Talking about Charlie Kaufman/Spike Jonze movies, you need to see [Adaptation](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0268126/). Stranger ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/49 "2006-05-09T22:15:05Z")
[QUOTE=KGS] If you saw only the R-rated version, then you didn’t see the part that triggered my reaction. I don’t think it would have helped your enjoyment of the movie, though. 🆒 [/QUOTE] Since I’m unlikely to go out and rent the DVD, but you’ve piqued my curiosity, could someone spoil this for me? What outrageous sex act did the puppets do? ---
**Author:** ![randwill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@randwill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randwill)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/50 "2006-05-09T22:19:05Z")
[QUOTE=iamthewalrus(:3=] Since I’m unlikely to go out and rent the DVD, but you’ve piqued my curiosity, could someone spoil this for me? What outrageous sex act did the puppets do? [/QUOTE] Name it. They do it. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/51 "2006-05-09T22:20:59Z")
iamthewalrus: > [@](#): > > Since I’m unlikely to go out and rent the DVD, but you’ve piqued my curiosity, could someone spoil this for me? What outrageous sex act did the puppets do? In addition to what moviegoers saw in the theaters, the Uncensored DVD adds a golden shower and puppet poop. I wish it had remained censored. It adds nothing enjoyable to the movie or the specific scene. Or, at least, I wish I knew before specifically seeking out the Uncensored version that that was the “big deal”; I would have been happy with the Rated-R DVD. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/52 "2006-05-09T22:29:30Z")
**Hamlet** , you’re getting old. This movie cracked me up. I like the way they make fun of everybody. I do agree that the dick/pussy/asshole part was overplayed, though. The key to this kind of humor is fast pacing-- anything that slows it down doesn’t work. Why you bust my balls, Hans Brix? I laugh just thinking about those scenes. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/53 "2006-05-09T22:44:20Z")
I saw the uncensored version and thought it was great. The bad news is that I saw it on the advice of my son. . . who is eleven. _That_ freaked me out. Oh, and does anyone have a link to the Meryl Streep porn??? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/54 "2006-05-09T23:24:18Z")
[QUOTE=John Mace] **Hamlet** , you’re getting old. This movie cracked me up. I like the way they make fun of everybody. I do agree that the dick/pussy/asshole part was overplayed, though. The key to this kind of humor is fast pacing-- anything that slows it down doesn’t work. Why you bust my balls, Hans Brix? I laugh just thinking about those scenes. [/QUOTE] > [@](#): > > Soldier: Hoi te? Han ching! Pae ja, Hans Brix bo tae so tae ka. [Sir, Hans Blix is here from the United Nations] > Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! [Enter Hans Blix] Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans! > Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won’t let me enter certain areas. > Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We’ve been frew this a dozen times. I don’t-have-any-weapons-a-mass-destwuction, ‘kay Hans? > Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the U.N.‘s collective mind. > Kim Jong Il: Hans, a-breakin’ my balls here, Hans, ya breakin’ my balls! > Hans Blix: I’m sorry, but the U.N. must be firm with you. Let me see your whole palace, or else. > Kim Jong Il: Or else what? > Hans Blix: Or else - we will be very, very angry with you… and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are. > Kim Jong Il: Okay, I show you, Hans. You’r ready? Stand a rittre to your reft. > [Hans Blix moves to the left.] > Kim Jong Il: Rittle more. > [Hans Blix moves further to the left.] > Kim Jong Il: Gewd. > [Hans Blix falls into a trap and is subsequently attacked by sharks.] > Kim Jong Il: There you go, Hans Brix. How you rike that, you fucking cocksucker! > [Hans Blix struggles to escape the sharks in vain] > Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how fuckin busy I am, Hans Brix? Werr, Fuck you! You want inspection? Werr, inspect that! You butt-fucking piece of shit! Courtesy of [wikiquote](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Team_America:_World_Police#Hans_Blix_in_Kim_Jong_Il.27s_palace). Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/55 "2006-05-09T23:39:04Z")
[QUOTE=cmkeller] In addition to what moviegoers saw in the theaters, the Uncensored DVD adds a golden shower and puppet poop. I wish it had remained censored. It adds nothing enjoyable to the movie or the specific scene. [/QUOTE] To be more specific, the puppets rotate through every sexual position that you can see in pornography today. One after the other after the other. It was getting really boring. You start to think, “Jeebus! How long are they going to drag this on? What is the point? Surely there can’t be anything more to this.” And you are just about to get up and get a beer when one puppet squats over the other one and poops. Took me by suprise and got a laugh out of me. Without that last act it would have been really boring. Like the entire rest of the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/56 "2006-05-10T01:15:34Z")
I thought the movies was an hilarious parody of big budget action films. I loved the way the puppet “acting” wasn’t very far at all from that of your average live-action action film. The lush lighting on the puppet’s faces during the close-ups was hilarious. The “silence of the goats” soliloquy had me in stitches. And the extended, explicit, multi-position XXX puppet sex scene had me in stitches, because it was preceded by all the sappy romantic cliches typical of action films. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/57 "2006-05-10T02:30:58Z")
[QUOTE=cmkeller] In addition to what moviegoers saw in the theaters, the Uncensored DVD adds a golden shower and puppet poop. [/QUOTE] Don’t forget the rim job! ---
**Author:** ![Rachael\_Rage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Rachael\_Rage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachael_Rage)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/58 "2006-05-10T02:47:19Z")
I agree that the movie isn’t as good as SP:BLU, but it’s a different movie. You might as well say it’s not as good as _Animal House_. [QUOTE=BabaBooey] My favorite unmentioned part is when the boss tells Gary “and if you were to get caught, you know what to do”, and he starts to hand him something that you’d figure would be a cyanide pill, but it’s just a hammer. [/QUOTE] This is an example of the type of humor that makes the movie for me. When you first see this moment, it’s kind of “meh,” but when you think about it for a second, it’s _hilarious_. And the “signal for help” joke keeps me laughing for days. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/59 "2006-05-10T04:32:42Z")
**Evil Captor** , good call: Parker and Stone said in an interview (it migh be on the DVD; I forget) that their goal in making the film was not to make a “satire” of a big-budget action movie, but to go ahead and just _make a standard big-budget action movie_, with stupid-looking puppets. Granted, at times the movie went WAY off into satire-land, but many of the scenes would have been completely unremarkable if they’d been shot with live actors and spliced into a movie like _Armageddon_ or _Pearl Harbor_. By the way, the action scenes in _TA:WP_ were choreographed by the same guy who did the fight scenes in the _Matrix_ movies. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008/60 "2006-05-10T04:58:25Z")
One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in my life. Couldn’t tell you why. It just was. My gut hurt and there were tears streaming down my eyes. It’s like watching your parents have sex and laughing your ass off and afterwards you wonder how you could laugh at something so awful you’re not supposed to laugh at, but you did. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/team-america-oh-my-god-that-was-awful/356008.md?page=4)