# Techniques for getting women riled up for sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2012, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877 "2012-09-26T13:16:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![core\_dump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@core\_dump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/core_dump)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/41 "2012-09-27T01:14:53Z")
A black eye seems to do the trick. _From observations, not experience._ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/42 "2012-09-27T02:19:04Z")
Just agree to the first amount she asked for. Stop haggling for a discount. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/43 "2012-09-27T02:22:46Z")
Okay, serious answers. 1. Be a good husband/boyfriend/whatever. Do nice things for her without expecting anything in return. 2. Take a look in the mirror. Are you holding up your end on the physical attractiveness scale? 3. When you have sex, work on her enjoyment not yours. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/44 "2012-09-27T03:09:13Z")
Try to be a few inches bigger. ---
**Author:** ![khere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@khere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/khere)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/45 "2012-09-27T03:21:44Z")
Give her time to get in the mood without expecting anything. I know my partner gets big brownie points for understanding if I’m tired or whatever, and letting me know that he’s fine to just snuggle or give a back massage. When he’s generous in this way, more often than not I end up wanting to have sex with him anyway - I just need to not feel pressured before I realize it 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lightlystarched](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Lightlystarched](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightlystarched)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/46 "2012-09-27T03:41:19Z")
Just be physically attractive to OTHER women. Women are competitive - if she thinks you can turn other female heads, she’ll work really hard to keep your interest. 😉 DO NOT try to get sex by doing housework (dishes, laundry, etc.). Doing this actually reinforces less sex. Hey, look what he’ll do if I just hold out! Woot! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/47 "2012-09-27T03:47:29Z")
> [@khere](#): > > Give her time to get in the mood without expecting anything. I know my partner gets big brownie points for understanding if I’m tired or whatever, and letting me know that he’s fine to just snuggle or give a back massage. When he’s generous in this way, more often than not I end up wanting to have sex with him anyway - I just need to not feel pressured before I realize it 😉 +A billion Mrs. Cad kept complaining that being pre-menopausal she just was not into sex. It was hormonal and nothing I could do right? I decided not to argue with her about little things, rub her back and brush her hair while we watch TV, etc. Basically be nice to her. The sex life once I started doing that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/48 "2012-09-27T04:12:52Z")
I tried a cattle prod, but that just got them angry riled, not sexy riled ☹ ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/49 "2012-09-27T04:53:37Z")
Find a way, somehow, to let her know that you can be trusted with her sexual secrets. In my (admittedly limited) experience – it’s a rare man that can keep his mouth shut. For all the bitching guys do about women and their incessant talking I’ve found women to be more tightlipped about bedroom matters than men. Most guys who score will eventually blab to at least one of their buddies. Be that guy that a woman can do _ANYTHING_ in bed with and she knows you’ll never, ever tell a soul and you’ll probably never lack for female companionship. Plus what other people said – find someone compatible, don’t be a dick, etc. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/50 "2012-09-27T13:02:44Z")
When you do have sex, pay attention to what she seems to be enjoying and do _that_ a lot. Ask her what kind of things turn her on, and do those things too. Let her know she can be honest with you about what she finds weird, painful or annoying. Stop doing those things. This is not rocket surgery. The goal is to make sure she enjoys having sex with you as much as possible. Example: boyfriend really, really prefers sexytime in the morning. I kind of dislike it. We discussed this. He thought I wasn’t as interested in sex; told him I just wasn’t super interested at 8 am. Conversely, he’s not always into it at night, so we mix it up now and everybody’s happy. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/51 "2012-09-27T13:42:07Z")
If find that simply stating “I would like to have sex with you now” is enough. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/52 "2012-09-27T19:50:22Z")
> [@IMfez](#): > > Thanks for the response! I’m curious, how would you go about it (if you can share here)? Blessed if I know - but I exhausted the audience’s patience on this one years ago, and I’m not prepared to go through all the name-calling again. But time is on your side - after enough years of being persistently made to feel like a nuisance for wanting it for more than five minutes at a time once or twice a month, advancing age will catch up with you. Lowered testosterone levels will take care of the physical frustrations and you’ll look back and laugh at the ridiculous lengths you used to go to try and get laid. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/53 "2012-09-27T19:54:27Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Sure it is. Its not an exact science. We are talking in generalities. Someone who has a high sex drive should be with someone with a high sex drive. That does not equate to both wanting sex exactly 4.5 times a week. But someone who requires sex multiple times a week needs to find someone who also feels that way. With the understanding that life sometimes gets in the way. No, it simply isn’t possible for everyone, for the obvious reason that there are far more men with a high sex drive than women with a high sex drive and furthermore that the ages are out of whack. There is no solution there that will match most people to appropriate sex drives. I do agree with you that it is possible for any one person to find a partner with an appropriate sex drive, but that is only because it isn’t many people’s no. 1 priority. If it were then you just couldn’t make the matchings work. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/54 "2012-09-27T20:30:12Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > No, it simply isn’t possible for everyone, for the obvious reason that there are far more men with a high sex drive than women with a high sex drive and furthermore that the ages are out of whack. > > There is no solution there that will match most people to appropriate sex drives. > > I do agree with you that it is possible for any one person to find a partner with an appropriate sex drive, but that is only because it isn’t many people’s no. 1 priority. If it were then you just couldn’t make the matchings work. Cite? Far more? I think the percentage at the extreme high end might have more men than women but most everybody falls in the middle somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/55 "2012-09-28T05:15:18Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > Treat her with kindness, tell her frequently that you love her, do everything you can to lift her up and make her happy, smile often, be romantic, surprise her with nice things (they don’t need to be expensive, outlandish or outrageous; gifts, dinners at nice restaurants and earnest compliments are all nice things), respect her. Do this, every day, and you’ll have pretty much all the sex you want. My guy surprised me with a tiny toy wind-up scooter from our local toy store/hobby shop today. Yep, it’s the little things. > [@badger5149](#): > > A simple concept " When we fall in love we fall in love with the way that person makes us feel about ourselves". > I am 64 yrs old, average endowed and surly not a great lover, but my women are always happy to please me and do it often. They like to feel appreciated, sexy, protected, cared about and mostly just know how important they are to you. You can’t be an ass hole in the morning and Mr. charming at night. Foreplay is a 24/7 game. You and **Winston Smith** are gentlemen. Your posts made me smile. > [@ultrafilter](#): > > Just lick your eyebrows every once in a while. And yours almost made me spit coffee on my laptop 😃 > [@Loach](#): > > Sure it is. Its not an exact science. We are talking in generalities. Someone who has a high sex drive should be with someone with a high sex drive. That does not equate to both wanting sex exactly 4.5 times a week. But someone who requires sex multiple times a week needs to find someone who also feels that way. With the understanding that life sometimes gets in the way. Well said. Yes, life does get in the way-- that’s where good communication and patience become just as important. I enjoyed reading this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/56 "2012-09-28T05:44:22Z")
Fingering. That is all. And do close and careful work – you aren’t playing a cello. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/57 "2012-09-28T11:38:24Z")
I think as some upthread have alluded, it’s a 3-step plan: 1. Take out the trash, tidy up after yourself, listen to her about her day, and her needs. Let her have the TV remote. 2. ??? 3. She’s a sex maniac! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/58 "2012-09-28T16:35:08Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > Fingering. That is all. And do close and careful work – you aren’t playing a cello. No, it’s not all. Taking out the trash and cooking for the kids isn’t all either. Being a gentleman isn’t all. Little gifts aren’t all. Some people just flat-out aren’t that interested in sex and nothing is going to make a difference to them. Ideally, find out ahead of time if this is the case but many, many people have been bait-and-switched, either intentionally or not (because it’s perfectly possible that when your tongue writes checks that your body can’t cash, you didn’t intend them to bounce when you wrote them). ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/59 "2012-09-28T16:35:34Z")
I think sex drive needs to be defined. There are a lot of things in life that will manifiest themselves as sex drive when we really just want to do something to feel better about ourselves. An orgasm produces chemicals that give us a good feeling. Lots of negative aspects to our lives can make us desire sex. Boredom, loneliness, lack of self esteem, even anger can generate a strong desire for sex. I find when my creative juices are flowing the strongest my thoughts about sex are deminished even though I may respond to it very well when seduced or even just flirted with. Getting a little ballance in our lives will usually ballance out our sex drive as well, sometimes it will increase or decrease but it should help to stablize it. In a relationship I feel like a sexual encounter should be “successful” as often as possible. Success doesn’t neccessarily mean an orgasm. If I feel a resentment was resolved, or a bond was strengthened or maybe I just felt like she walked away feeling a little more sexualy powerful I consider the encounter successful. I very much enjoy the feeling of being seduced, I also enjoy watching a woman gain confidence as her seduction works it magic. I feel very appreciative that she was able to steal my mind away from something I may have been obsessing over and steer it toward focusing on her body. I like the way women behave after they have successfully transformed my entire thinking process and I am happy to give them the small reward they seem to want which is usually no more than some undivided attention and affection. Sex is a beautiful ritual that can fix a lot of imperfections in a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877/60 "2012-09-28T16:39:24Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > I think as some upthread have alluded, it’s a 3-step plan: > > 1. Take out the trash, tidy up after yourself, listen to her about her day, and her needs. Let her have the TV remote. > 2. ??? > 3. She’s a sex maniac! ??? = “you aren’t actively suppressing her interest in having sex with you” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/techniques-for-getting-women-riled-up-for-sex/635877.md?page=4)