# Ted Haggard is a Big Fat Hypocrite **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 28, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442 "2009-01-28T21:39:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![outside\_artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@outside\_artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outside_artist)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/1 "2009-01-28T21:39:18Z")
Oh, so… you had impulses toward men but you’re NOT GAY??? Well, I had a relationship with a man before but I’m NOT GAY! I have temptations but they’re not compulsive. I have spiraled into the lowest point in my life as a sinner, but I’m NOT GAY! Because I fight these impulses every day but I’m NOT GAY! I need to pray and fast, pray and fast in order to quell these impulses, but I’m NOT GAY! So you said something to me that didn’t make sense before. Oh, well, I was lying. OH!!! OH! OH! You’re killing me. My fucking dog, just say you’re a gay minister and you married that poor woman because you needed a beard and shut the fuck up! You guys make your own rules when you need them, don’t you? Haggard, suck a dick, you’ll feel better. And so will we. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/2 "2009-01-28T21:49:03Z")
I’ve broken away from perusing my collection of Brad Pitt photos to make the point that I’m not gay. And even as I ponder bowing before Brad’s manly visage, clutching his sinewy thighs as I mash my face against the spongy bulge straining against the soft fabric of his Downy fresh jeans, I am grateful that but for the grace of God, there would go I in the footsteps of those horrible faggots. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/3 "2009-01-28T21:57:45Z")
I think you might be a bit late for this train. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Joe_Meager)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/4 "2009-01-28T22:05:03Z")
No, he is _not_. Fat. He is not fat. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/5 "2009-01-28T22:05:10Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I think you might be a bit late for this train. I’m sure ol’ Ted won’t object if someone wants to “run a train” on him. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/6 "2009-01-28T22:05:31Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I think you might be a bit late for this train. Nah. Ted’s on Oprah right now, saying all these things. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/7 "2009-01-28T22:12:13Z")
I feel sorry for the guy. His poisonous beliefs, likely instilled in him by others, has forced him to deny simple biological facts about himself. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/8 "2009-01-28T22:22:03Z")
Who is Ted Haggard? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/9 "2009-01-28T22:22:15Z")
Other breaking news stories: Magna Carta Authored Victory Declared in Pacific Internal Combustion Engine Invented Terrorists Hijack Jetliners and Fly into World Trade Center First Powered Flight A Success! Streets Rumored to be Paved with Gold in America Michael Jackson Beginning to Act Strange New President Harrison Gives 2-Hour Inauguration Speech, Expects Long and Productive Term ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/10 "2009-01-28T22:24:02Z")
As Roy Cohn put it in Kushner’s “Angels in America”. > [@](#): > > AIDS. Homosexual. Gay. Lesbian. You think these are names that tell you who a person sleeps with, but they don’t tell you that. . . Like all labels they tell you one thing, and one thing only: Where does an individual so identified fit into the food chain, the pecking order? Not ideology or sexual taste, but something much simpler: clout. Not who I fuck or who fucks me, but who will come to the phone when I call, who owes me favors. This is what a label refers to. Now to someone who does not understand this, a homosexual is what I am because I have sex with men, but really this is wrong. A homosexual is somebody who, in 15 years of trying cannot get a pissant anti-discrimination bill through the city council. A homosexual is somebody who knows nobody and who nobody knows. Who has zero clout. Does this sound like me Henry? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/11 "2009-01-28T22:27:22Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Nah. Ted’s on Oprah right now, saying all these things. Is the audience buying it? ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/12 "2009-01-28T22:27:40Z")
> [@outside\_artist](#): > > Oh, so… you had impulses toward men but you’re NOT GAY??? > Well, I had a relationship with a man before but I’m NOT GAY! > I have temptations but they’re not compulsive. I have spiraled into the lowest point in my life as a sinner, but I’m NOT GAY! > Because I fight these impulses every day but I’m NOT GAY! > I need to pray and fast, pray and fast in order to quell these impulses, but I’m NOT GAY! > So you said something to me that didn’t make sense before. Oh, well, I was lying. OH!!! > OH! OH! You’re killing me. > My fucking dog, just say you’re a gay minister and you married that poor woman because you needed a beard and shut the fuck up! You guys make your own rules when you need them, don’t you? > Haggard, suck a dick, you’ll feel better. > And so will we. I think the carriage return on your typewriter is broken. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/13 "2009-01-28T22:31:20Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Nah. Ted’s on Oprah right now, saying all these things. Why the hell are you people watching Oprah? Pit yourselves! ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/14 "2009-01-28T22:40:20Z")
Yep, Ted Haggard is indeed a big fat hypocrite. Everybody and his dog knows that (sorry, **Gangster Octopus** 😃 ) ; it’s a punchline anymore. Could it be that Ted Haggard is getting more people to realize the absurdity of the concept of homosexuality as a choice than the most strident advocate ever could? ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/15 "2009-01-28T23:01:05Z")
More seirously, though, Ted Haggard isn’t gay according to the conservative evangelical definition of “gay”, because for evangelicals like that, being gay isn’t a matter of wanting to have sex with men, or even having sex with men. Being gay is about being ok with the fact that you want to have sex with men, and accepting that as normal. That’s why they always say you choose to be gay. As long as you’re unhappy you have these “urges”, they’re ok with that. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/16 "2009-01-28T23:27:13Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Why the hell are you people watching Oprah? Pit yourselves! I didn’t watch! I walked into the room and my sister was watching, honest! ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/17 "2009-01-29T00:14:37Z")
Isn’t there a documentary coming out on HBO about his little problem? I suppose he and the beard are doing the rounds to promote it. I have to say, I certainly admire his balls of brass. And hers. And just a day after another ‘victim’ comes forward and outs him, again! I couldn’t watch. I wanted to punch him in his goofy face, and then punch the wife. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/18 "2009-01-29T00:23:16Z")
Anybody know what kind of salary this fraud Haggerty was paying himself? Those “megachurches” must be great cash generators…no woinder he wants to hang on to it! ---
**Author:** ![FarmerChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@FarmerChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FarmerChick)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/19 "2009-01-29T01:03:06Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Why the hell are you people watching Oprah? Pit yourselves! You made milk come out of my nose. It’s gross. > [@Jenaroph](#): > > I didn’t watch! I walked into the room and my sister was watching, honest! I call bullshit! ---
**Author:** ![outside\_artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@outside\_artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outside_artist)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442/20 "2009-01-29T01:03:45Z")
> [@](#): > > I think the carriage return on your typewriter is broken. That’s really helpful. I’m so glad you took the time to respond. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ted-haggard-is-a-big-fat-hypocrite/483442.md?page=2)