# Teen Burglars Kill Goldfish To "Leave No Witnesses" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334 "2011-02-14T18:26:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/1 "2011-02-14T18:26:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday. [Chicago Tribune - Chicago News, Sports, Weather, Business & Things to Do](http://triblocal.com/arlington-heights/2011/01/26/fish-poisoned-during-burglary/) > [@](#): > > A 16-year-old Arlington Heights boy told police he poisoned and killed three fish because he “didn’t want to leave any witnesses,” according to Arlington Heights police. The boy is charged with residential burglary and cruelty to animals for his role in a Jan. 24 break-in on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road. [http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110211/news/702119847/](http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110211/news/702119847/) Will the scales of justice tip for the goldfish in this case? Once convicted, will these teens be wrapped in fishing line, with lead weights attached, and dumped into the Chicago River? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/2 "2011-02-14T18:31:52Z")
What an idiot! If he knew anything he’d know that goldfish only have a 20 second memory span\* and they’d never be able to identify him. \*Yes, I know goldfish having really short memory spans has been debunked but is that statement more ridiculous than someone killing goldfish to leave no witnesses? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/3 "2011-02-14T18:56:52Z")
They’re gonna send him to sleep with the fishes. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/4 "2011-02-14T19:10:24Z")
Although I find cruelty to “higher” animals more appalling, and frequently gut fish alive and eat them, I think it’s completely fitting that this dumbass(es) gets animal cruelty charges for a goldfish, and hope it (fish)sticks. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/5 "2011-02-14T19:55:54Z")
He’d betta get a good lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/6 "2011-02-14T20:01:31Z")
We had a break-in at my school where they killed all the fishes in the class fish tank, and they were caught pretty easily. But even they aren’t this stupid. It’s like my dream where I once took a bath to make a clean getaway. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/7 "2011-02-14T20:04:27Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > We had a break-in at my school where they killed all the fishes in the class fish tank, and they were caught pretty easily. But even they aren’t this stupid. > > … So why did they kill all the fish? Just for the halibut? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/8 "2011-02-14T20:04:42Z")
He had to give some reason; he couldn’t just admit he’d done it for the halibut. ETA: Curse you, **Wile E**. ---
**Author:** ![Disheavel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/9 "2011-02-14T20:06:50Z")
I wonder if Michael Cichlids will play the investigating police officer in the T.V. movie? ---
**Author:** ![FasterThanMeerkats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/278dde/32.png) [@FasterThanMeerkats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FasterThanMeerkats)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/10 "2011-02-14T20:07:22Z")
Why didn’t they steal them? Everyone knows the gold species always retain value. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/11 "2011-02-14T20:07:32Z")
_“Leave the hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices. Take the cannolli.”_ ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/12 "2011-02-14T20:09:15Z")
Will the teen perp slip the judge a fin to escape the scales of justice? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/13 "2011-02-14T20:10:18Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > So why did they kill all the fish? Just for the halibut? He did it on porpoise. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/14 "2011-02-14T20:11:51Z")
Maybe he should have just battered them. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/15 "2011-02-14T20:12:18Z")
I told the little bastard he needed to be more koi. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/16 "2011-02-14T20:13:19Z")
Perhaps the case should go to the Supreme Court so that Justice Scalia can give an opinion. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/17 "2011-02-14T20:15:15Z")
The kid couldn’t hear the goldfish scream because he was hard of herring. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/18 "2011-02-14T20:20:42Z")
> [@Disheavel](#): > > I wonder if Michael Cichlids will play the investigating police officer in the T.V. movie? 😕 Do you mean Michael Chiklis, aka Tony Scali, “The Commish”? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/19 "2011-02-14T20:25:09Z")
Cichlids are small, fresh water aquarium fish. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/20 "2011-02-14T20:38:34Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > 😕 > > Do you mean Michael Chiklis, aka Tony Scali, “The Commish”? Here, this hat will keep your head warm next time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334.md?page=2)