# Teen Burglars Kill Goldfish To "Leave No Witnesses" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334 "2011-02-14T18:26:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/21 "2011-02-14T20:43:15Z")
They didn’t have to KILL the fish- they could have just cut out their tongues, so they wouldn’t talk! Or, they could have just taken one of the fish hostage in a Ziploc bag- that way, the other to would clam up for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/22 "2011-02-14T20:48:21Z")
Glad to see that sucker go down. ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/23 "2011-02-14T20:52:04Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > Will the scales of justice tip for the goldfish in this case? Do goldfish even have scales? I thought they just had a protective slime. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/24 "2011-02-14T20:52:04Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > 😕 > > Do you mean Michael Chiklis, aka Tony Scali, “The Commish”? A cichlid is a type of fish, so “Michael Cichlids” is another fish pun, though perhaps it has less _finesse_ than some of the others. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/25 "2011-02-14T21:02:20Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > They didn’t have to KILL the fish- they could have just cut out their tongues, so they wouldn’t talk! That’s silly. The fish could still use sign language. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/26 "2011-02-14T21:10:52Z")
He should have targeted a home with a sign saying “Bivalve on Board”. You can always trust in the silence of the clams. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/27 "2011-02-14T21:14:20Z")
They’ve made a rod for their own back. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/28 "2011-02-14T21:16:44Z")
He did the right thing. Goldfish are notorious tattletales. Snitches of the sea they are. > [@tdn](#): > > The fish could still use sign language. I once learned to lip read fishes. Unfortunately they don’t have anything interesting to say. They just keep repeating “O. O. O. O. O…” and nothing else. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/29 "2011-02-14T21:23:09Z")
He thought he was safe with John Ritter dead. too obscure? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/30 "2011-02-14T21:25:11Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > A cichlid is a type of fish, so “Michael Cichlids” is another fish pun, though perhaps it has less _finesse_ than some of the others. In his defense, the Tony Scali reference is a pun unto itself. ---
**Author:** ![Disheavel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/31 "2011-02-14T21:25:22Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > A cichlid is a type of fish, so “Michael Cichlids” is another fish pun, though perhaps it has less _finesse_ than some of the others. I thought it brilliant! But yes, the fact that it relies on a mispronunciation does make it a crappie fish pun. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/32 "2011-02-14T21:57:30Z")
Be careful folks, one of the anti-punners is likely to appear anytime and threaten to put our heads on a pike. Little do they know that threats only encourage us and we won’t let the thread flounder. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/33 "2011-02-14T22:08:03Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Be careful folks, one of the anti-punners is likely to appear anytime and threaten to put our heads on a pike. Little do they know that threats only encourage us and we won’t let the thread flounder. They can go carp somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/34 "2011-02-14T22:27:03Z")
Alright, that is enough with the puns boys and gills… ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/35 "2011-02-14T22:42:29Z")
I don’t want to carp about the subject, but this isn’t sole-ly about animal cruelty. Goldfish can easily sell to the tuna 2 or 3 dollars each. I hate herring this kind of news story, and I’m dismayed that salmon cod do something like this which has no plaice in a civilized society. Danio think this teen was some kind of suburban hick with a mullet? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/36 "2011-02-14T23:37:28Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > A cichlid is a type of fish, so “Michael Cichlids” is another fish pun, though perhaps it has less _finesse_ than some of the others. OK. I have never heard of that word before in my life. Ignorance fought. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/37 "2011-02-14T23:53:06Z")
No problem. This thread needed some schooling. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/38 "2011-02-15T00:07:42Z")
\<\*\*Bosda \*\* SLAPS the Young Idiots With A Wet Trout\> ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/39 "2011-02-15T00:19:25Z")
Could the detective tell genuine clues from the dead herring? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/40 "2011-02-15T00:52:32Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > Could the detective tell genuine clues from the dead herring? He knew there was something fishy from the beginning. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334.md?page=3)