# Teen Burglars Kill Goldfish To "Leave No Witnesses" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334 "2011-02-14T18:26:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/41 "2011-02-15T03:10:15Z")
I hope when the judge sentences the culprit it puts the fear of cod into him. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/42 "2011-02-15T03:34:05Z")
Yeah, I hope they throw the hook at him. ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/43 "2011-02-15T12:27:08Z")
All these puns are giving me a haddock. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/44 "2011-02-15T13:10:47Z")
I’m feeling eel. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/45 "2011-02-15T13:11:34Z")
> [@cards](#): > > All these puns are giving me a haddock. That’s easier to deal with than a case of the crabs. ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/46 "2011-02-15T13:18:03Z")
And to top it all off: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/6l1GvDWtccI/hqdefault.jpg "Wet Dream - Kip Addotta") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/47 "2011-02-15T13:50:08Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > [http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110211/news/702119847/](http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110211/news/702119847/) (Almost) from the quoted article: > [@](#): > > Police were able to track down some of the stolen items the boys sold to local prawn shops, Hernandez said. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/48 "2011-02-15T14:04:40Z")
So the perp stole this stuff out of sheer shellfishness? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/49 "2011-02-15T16:24:54Z")
Yes, they need to punish this kid severely. You can’t cock a snook at the law and expect to skate by. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/50 "2011-02-15T19:42:12Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Be careful folks, one of the anti-punners is likely to appear anytime and threaten to put our heads on a pike. Little do they know that threats only encourage us and we won’t let the thread flounder. Aw, screw 'em. We can take this thread and filet up with puns. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/51 "2011-02-15T23:30:59Z")
I can’t believe no one has been able to tank his thread yet. We should be finished by now. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/52 "2011-02-15T23:46:43Z")
Yeah, we’re starting to flounder, now. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/53 "2011-02-16T02:02:53Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yeah, we’re starting to flounder, now. getting this far was just fluke. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/54 "2011-02-16T02:29:55Z")
I know I can’t take any mora this. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/55 "2011-02-16T05:44:05Z")
I think I smelt something fishy. ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/56 "2011-02-16T05:49:12Z")
The next punster is going to have his head put on a pike. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/57 "2011-02-16T07:01:42Z")
Huh. Guess I’ve just been schooled. ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/58 "2011-02-16T07:56:43Z")
I do admit, some of these are Brill-iant. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/59 "2011-02-16T10:20:21Z")
I believe there have been a few cases where prosecutors have tried to get animals accepted in court as witnesses. Specifically, parrots and/or other talking birds, who supposedly could verbally ID the criminal. IIRC one of these birds did a verbal reenactment of his owner’s murder, including saying the name of the murderer. AFAIK, no judge has allowed that kind of testimony into a trial. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334/60 "2011-02-16T11:33:42Z")
The perp will go to jail, and be surrounded by many gar-ds. He will then be beaten up, and require a sturgeon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teen-burglars-kill-goldfish-to-leave-no-witnesses/571334.md?page=4)