# Teenage girl, IRL meeting with internet "love". **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063 "2009-08-02T15:26:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/181 "2009-08-10T14:47:21Z")
> [@Glory](#): > > I’m a little confused - if the guy can text her 30 times from his house, why can’t she use her cell phone from his house? If she has access to a computer to update FB - she should have at the very least, sent you an email letting you know she got there okay. Good point. presumably her mother has the boy’s home number? I’m sure nothing is wrong…but it’d be silly to not insist on a phone conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/182 "2009-08-10T17:11:40Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Update#2: She just called me from an airport where she has to change planes. “How do I do this? Where do I go now?” She’s never ever even flown anywhere by herself? Jeeze. > [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Finally, tonight, after she’s been gone since early Saturday morning, there’s a cryptic post on her facebook to the effect “having a great time, sorry no cell service, be home as planned”. Well that’s creepy. I agree that it’s almost certainly her just having a little tantrum, but that doesn’t mean it’s not an incredibly selfish and childish thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/183 "2009-08-10T17:33:16Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > She’s never ever even flown anywhere by herself? Jeeze. Come on. I’m 27 and I’ve never flown anywhere by myself. My mother is going to be 53 and she never has either. Some people just never have the need to travel alone, I don’t see why that’d be weird. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/184 "2009-08-10T17:46:05Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > would follow through on calling home because responsible adults know that others will be bewildered if the agreed-upon call doesn’t come. Reminds me of the day when my college roommate and I got the giggles because we were listening to a college buddy fail to explain to his mom why it wasn’t a big deal that he forgot to call her the minute he arrived on campus. He didn’t find it funny. We were amused because of the similarities to a conversation in Korean that we had just been treated to, thanks to another roommate’s failure to live up to her responsibility to call home the moment she arrived back on campus. “Bewildered” is not the word I would use–I’d probably opt for “furious”. And note that many responsible adults learned the hard way or by observing others about the importance of calling home when traveling a significant distance. I also recall a story from a friend in graduate school when his new house proved to have a leaking toilet. First response? He called Dad. Dad said “What do you expect me to do? I’m halfway across the country” Son said “Nothing, I just instictively called for a bit of sympathy. I’ll start solving the problem later, but for now, I wanted my Dad to tell me everything will be all right” The transition from child to responsible adult does not happen overnight. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/185 "2009-08-10T17:46:27Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Some people just never have the need to travel alone, I don’t see why that’d be weird. Sorry, that wasn’t really a very clear post, was it? My actual meaning was, “She’s never flown anywhere by herself, the first time she’s going is to see someone she’s never met before in a place she’s never been to before, she didn’t think about how the connecting flight was going to work until it happened, and then her best idea was to call Grandpa instead of asking someone who works for the airline or the airport?” ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/186 "2009-08-10T18:33:48Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > 10 seconds is a hell of a long time to type out “wuts up.” Who has time to type eight characters? My twelve-year-old just sends, and I quote, “sup”. That was the entirety of his first text message to me (from across the cell phone store). “‘Sup’?” I said to him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Damn kids. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/187 "2009-08-10T19:15:16Z")
> [@SCSimmons](#): > > That was the entirety of his first text message to me (from across the cell phone store). “‘Sup’?” I said to him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Perhaps he was suggesting that you sally forth together in search of somewhere to have dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/188 "2009-08-10T23:51:14Z")
Jesus, relax. If they did indeed meet on facebook, then it would be nigh on impossible to fake who he is without looking really suspicious. He’s probably got 300 similarly aged friends on there who he interacts with all the time. You can’t just fake that. It’s too late for this specific instance but if you want some guidance on how to be a responsible adult in a child’s digital life, I recommend the book [Born Digital](http://borndigitalbook.com/). It’s written by a bunch of academics and cuts through a lot of the hype that the mainstream media likes to put up about the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Leiko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Leiko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leiko)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/189 "2009-08-11T00:13:02Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > I would have liked an update too. Or any sort of communication at all. Finally, tonight, after she’s been gone since early Saturday morning, there’s a cryptic post on her facebook to the effect “having a great time, sorry no cell service, be home as planned”. > > So either: > > 1. she’s already been chopped up into pig food and the FB note is a fake > 2), she’s pissed because nobody here got all happy about this adventure and gave her a bunch of money to spend > 3), there really is no cell phone service in a good sized town in Ohio. I live in a good sized town in Washington state, but I have incredibly unreliable cell service at my own house- calls dropped if they connect at all, a whole minute to send a short text to someone on my network- so she could be having trouble with service. Or covering for forgetting to charge her phone. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/190 "2009-08-11T00:35:31Z")
> [@Leiko](#): > > I live in a good sized town in Washington state, but I have incredibly unreliable cell service at my own house- calls dropped if they connect at all, a whole minute to send a short text to someone on my network- so she could be having trouble with service. > > Or covering for forgetting to charge her phone. If I was a betting man, (based on what John Carter Of Mars has mentioned about his grand daughter’s maturity level) I would bet sulking because she didnt get the infusion of $$$ from her family that she felt entitled to… ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/191 "2009-08-11T01:48:03Z")
> [@Glory](#): > > I’m a little confused - if the guy can text her 30 times from his house, why can’t she use her cell phone from his house? If she has access to a computer to update FB - she should have at the very least, sent you an email letting you know she got there okay. Well, there ya’ go! One of the things she said when she was trying to convince us that this trip was a good idea was that she and this boy have spent hours talking to each other on their cell phones. Even if for some weird reason her phone won’t work she should be able to use his for a brief “I’m ok” call. WTF ever. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/192 "2009-08-11T02:39:50Z")
I’d bet the cell works just fine, except for a case of the “I’ll show thems” by its owner. And I’d also bet the idea of landline just simply didn’t occur to her. I suggested to my daughter that she might be able to use the phone book to find a number or an address for a friend in town, and she was surprised. Mostly at herself, because it just didn’t come to mind. She was all set to call a couple of friends to see if they had the info. That doesn’t excuse the granddaughter, and somebody needs to read her the riot act when she gets home, to let her know she screwed this up. Letting people know you’ve arrived safely is what adults do. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/193 "2009-08-11T02:47:26Z")
Don’t you or your grandaughter’s parents have any contact information for this boy and his family? Have you tried calling her cell phone? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/194 "2009-08-11T03:16:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Don’t you or your grandaughter’s parents have any contact information for this boy and his family? > > Have you tried calling her cell phone? No. I started to call her and then decided I would not. The mother is supposed to have a phone number, but she hasn’t tried to call her either. Just a few minutes ago **Darling Granddaughter** [sup]**TM[/sup]** posted a shit-load of pictures on her Facebook page. Trip to a zoo, pictures of G’Daughter with The Boy’s little sister, family cookout with a bunch of relatives, Boy and G’daughter making kissy-face and so on. From the look of things she is safe. The rest will have to wait until I get her one-on-one. We’ll go over some stuff then, you betcha’. Right now I’m packing for a week’s Walkabout, which starts early tomorrow morning. I won’t be around a computer for the week, but I BET my cell phone will work, at least sometimes. Thanks to all that contributed to this thread, it’s been real. Y’all hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/195 "2009-08-11T03:20:19Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > I’d bet the cell works just fine, except for a case of the “I’ll show thems” by its owner. And I’d also bet the idea of landline just simply didn’t occur to her. I’d bet you are correct on both counts. It also may not have occurred to her that I’m going to ask why she didn’t use The Boy’s phone to place a quick call. Be that as it may, I’m gonna’ ask that question! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/196 "2009-08-11T03:48:46Z")
At least you know she’s safe, which is what you really [ineeded\* to know, but she’s not demonstrating a ton of maturity in lying about the cell phone. ---
**Author:** ![Casserole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b77776/32.png) [@Casserole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casserole)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/197 "2009-08-11T05:00:25Z")
I came here to post that I’m interested in hearing to make sure she’s safe. You showed tremendous trust in letting her go, even if you’re still planning on wringing her neck the moment she steps back onto the tarmac 🙂 I want to urge the people here not to assume things about her. Yes, she’s doing something many of us would find reckless and irresponsible, but everything seems to be going well, and there’s nothing **JCoM** needs to do except be vigilant, and stay in cell phone reception. Perhaps she is just too busy to phone, because she is having so much fun! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/198 "2009-08-11T05:51:47Z")
She shouldn’t have lied about the cell phone, but it’s not necessarily “sulking” or “vengefulness” that’s driving her not to call. Going on a trip like that at that age when you’re in the full throes of can’t-wait-two-weeks teenage love is all-consuming, and it’s easy to get so enraptured that stopping to call PARENTS is such a drag as to be unbearable. Again, not saying it’s okay, but it’s another explanation for why. - Sincerely, been there done that. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/199 "2009-08-11T06:08:23Z")
> [@Miss\_Violaceous](#): > > She shouldn’t have lied about the cell phone, but it’s not necessarily “sulking” or “vengefulness” that’s driving her not to call. Going on a trip like that at that age when you’re in the full throes of can’t-wait-two-weeks teenage love is all-consuming, and it’s easy to get so enraptured that stopping to call PARENTS is such a drag as to be unbearable. > > Again, not saying it’s okay, but it’s another explanation for why. > > - Sincerely, been there done that. This was my thought as well. I’d interpret it more of a “I’m having lots of fun and I don’t feel like checking in with anyone, see you guys in two weeks” rather than any kind of sulking or revenge. I know when I went off on my late teen adventures by myself, I didn’t always want to check in with the folks, so I’d warn them I’d be incommunicado for days at a time, even though I had access to lines of communication. My folks would worry less if they knew they couldn’t hear from me from days rather than if I said I would call and then either forgot or decided not to call because I was wrapped up in something else at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/200 "2009-08-11T14:48:40Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Jesus, relax. If they did indeed meet on facebook, then it would be nigh on impossible to fake who he is without looking really suspicious. Go back and read the rest of the thread. I gave two concrete examples where teenagers were fooled by someone else’s Facebook or Myspace profile, with nasty results (one had teenage boys extorted into sex acts with another teenage boy, the other involved a teenage girl manipulted into suicide). It is not impossible to fake accounts on networking sites, and there are plenty of teenagers who aren’t savvy enough to spot the warning signs. Not that that’s what happened in this particular instance, but saying that networking sites are fake-proof is dangerously ignorant. > [@pulykamell](#): > > I know when I went off on my late teen adventures by myself, I didn’t always want to check in with the folks, so I’d warn them I’d be incommunicado for days at a time, even though I had access to lines of communication. Yeah, but \*\*she \*\*didn’t warn them. She promised to call, and then lied about her phone being unusable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063.md?page=11)