# Teenage girl, IRL meeting with internet "love". **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063 "2009-08-02T15:26:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![slumtrimpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@slumtrimpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slumtrimpet)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/141 "2009-08-05T15:28:51Z")
I agree, she’s lucky to have you, John Carter. And this does not bode well for her > [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > When we got back to civilization the boy had left maybe 30 messages on her phone and she was quite annoyed: “Dude, give me some air!” Maybe he’ll keep this up and she’ll get sick of it. He has nearly a week to piss her off and it seems that pissing her off isn’t that hard for boys to do. Not in a “don’t let her go because he’s a 50yr old raping ax murderer”, but in a “she’s not going to have a good time with an over the top, in your face, royal pain in the ass boy who’s company she’s stuck with 24/7 for an entire week” way. Good luck to her. This will be an interesting learning experience. Or, like you hope, she won’t go 'cause the boy will piss her off in the next week. Also not a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/142 "2009-08-05T15:36:27Z")
**Ruby** , I damn near jumped up to give you a standing ovation after reading your post number 97. Would have, if I wasn’t at work… If this were my child, I’d be pretty angry at her for allowing this situation to develop and we’d be having plenty of discussion about it. However, seeing as how you seem disinclined to put your foot down about this (and I’m not saying that you necessarily _should_), my next suggestion is that you go with her. Stay in a motel in the same town. Be with her when they meet for the first time. Be right there if she needs anything. And tough noogies if she doesn’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/143 "2009-08-05T15:57:39Z")
It might not be a bad idea to at least go stay in the same town, and let her know she’s got a base she can go to if she needs to. I think it would also be cool if you could get one of those cell phone recording devices like Liam Neeson had in _Taken_. That’s what I want for when my daughters go travelling on their own. I’d like the CIA contacts as well. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/144 "2009-08-05T16:32:08Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > 1.) 17 –\> 18 = 6% increase in life experience. > 2.) Living independently after high school, whether in college or working, changes you immensely. > 3.) This girl is still living at home, supported by her parents. And yet there’s no pandemic of college freshmen getting raped and/or murdered during their first week of school. At least, it’s no more likely than during any other week/year of college. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/145 "2009-08-05T16:46:54Z")
30 Phone messages in a 2 or 3 hour period? Does that seem like the young man is putting an excessive amount of pressure for contact with your grand-daughter to you? Its also a little unsetteling that she is already planning/focusing on her 21st birthdays’ drunken revels, when that birthday is still over three years down the road… * * * Frankly, it sounds like neither one of these youngsters are very mature; I wish the best to you and your family with this upcoming “excellent adventure.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/146 "2009-08-05T17:02:45Z")
That number of messages does sound excessive and could possibly be a warning sign of a controlling personality, but it’s just as likely to be a sign of smothering insecurity from a kid with little or no dating/relationship experience. Let’s be honest, if he had any game, he could have gotten a girlfiend in meat space. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/147 "2009-08-05T17:10:51Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > When we got back to civilization the boy had left maybe 30 messages on her phone and she was quite annoyed: “Dude, give me some air!” “You have to come, I bought you a ticket” + obsessive message-leaving when out of contact for only a few hours = massive ping on my creep-o-meter. If this guy were interested in **me** , right about now he’d be getting an, “Oh \*\*hell \*\*no, fuck off.” > [@Rilchiam](#): > > Well, **John Carter** , as far as you know, has she been sending naked or otherwise suggestive pictures of herself to this guy? I mean, in order for **Shot From Guns** ’s scenario to play out, she’d have to cooperate some kind of way. I didn’t say that I thought a similar thing was happening here–just that it \*\*is \*\*possible to fake a Facebook profile, and that teenagers \*\*have \*\*been fooled by fake ones. There’s also [the incident of the teenage girl](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Megan_Meier) who committed suicide after being bullied and urged to kill herself by an adult woman posing as a teenage boy. We have actual evidence of bad shit that went down because teenagers took online profiles at face value. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > And yet there’s no pandemic of college freshmen getting raped and/or murdered during their first week of school. I don’t think she’s going to get raped or murdered. I do think that, while probably benign, the situation can be viewed as somewhat shady, and I in general think that someone at the end of their first year in college or working full time is a very different person from someone at the end of their last year of high school. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/148 "2009-08-05T17:13:12Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > When we got back to civilization the boy had left maybe 30 messages on her phone and she was quite annoyed: “Dude, give me some air!” Maybe he’ll keep this up and she’ll get sick of it. He has nearly a week to piss her off and it seems that pissing her off isn’t that hard for boys to do. 30 calls in 2 hours is a call every 4 minutes. Bells should be going off in her head. I would ask her the nature of the calls and texts. If he is asking her what she was doing then this is a BAD sign and should be pointed out to her. This is an avenue that she can test by telling him she will be out of phone range for 24 hrs on a camping trip. If he is overly demanding of details then it should be obvious to her. I have to tell you that the more I read the creepier this gets. Sending an airplane ticket to a 17 year old that he’s never met just sets off every warning bell. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/149 "2009-08-05T17:26:11Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Its also a little unsetteling that she is already planning/focusing on her 21st birthdays’ drunken revels, when that birthday is still over three years down the road… Meh. I was already looking forward to my 21st-birthday drunken revels when I was 18, and I’ve only thrown up (due to overconsumption of alcohol) three times in my entire life- on my 18th birthday, my 21st, and my 25th. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/150 "2009-08-05T20:32:40Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > 30 calls in 2 hours is a call every 4 minutes. Bells should be going off in her head. I would ask her the nature of the calls and texts. If he is asking her what she was doing then this is a BAD sign and should be pointed out to her. This is an avenue that she can test by telling him she will be out of phone range for 24 hrs on a camping trip. If he is overly demanding of details then it should be obvious to her. > > I have to tell you that the more I read the creepier this gets. Sending an airplane ticket to a 17 year old that he’s never met just sets off every warning bell. I think the messages were in the tone of :“I’ve called/texted you 15 times! Why don’t you answer?” I’m starting to think this boy has some real security issues. Also, 30 calls/text messages in four hours isn’t that unusual for teenagers. I once conducted an impromptu poll of Granddaughter and several of her friends when they came here to ride horses. The average seemed to be 12,000 text messages a month. (They can check this number on their phones, in a heartbeat.) 12.000 a month boggles my mind, but they think it’s Normal. The 21st birthday discussion came up because one of her female cousins (not my side of the family) turned 21 last week. Suffice to say that the results weren’t pretty. My granddaughter was just exploring ideas of how to have the required blast without police involvement. Me going with her seemed like a reasonable solution. In three years she might not think Grandpa going along is such a great idea. Hopefully, a few more days will allow this boy enough rope to hang himself. I’m starting to get the feeling that he’s more pitiful than dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/151 "2009-08-05T20:37:27Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Also, 30 calls/text messages in four hours isn’t that unusual for teenagers. I once conducted an impromptu poll of Granddaughter and several of her friends when they came here to ride horses. The average seemed to be 12,000 text messages a month. (They can check this number on their phones, in a heartbeat.) 12.000 a month boggles my mind, but they think it’s Normal. 30 text messages from someone in four hours would be fine \*\*if \*\*they were part of a back-and-forth conversation. 30 \*\*one-way \*\*messages… is weird. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/152 "2009-08-05T21:09:34Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Also, 30 calls/text messages in four hours isn’t that unusual for teenagers. I once conducted an impromptu poll of Granddaughter and several of her friends when they came here to ride horses. The average seemed to be 12,000 text messages a month. (They can check this number on their phones, in a heartbeat.) 12.000 a month boggles my mind, but they think it’s Normal. 12,000? Normal? Wow. At about 10s per text, that’s over an hour every day just sending texts. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/153 "2009-08-05T21:22:12Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > 12,000? Normal? Wow. At about 10s per text, that’s over an hour every day just sending texts. I’m guessing these aren’t text equivalents of _War and Peace_–most of them are probably just a few words (or characters). ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/154 "2009-08-05T21:39:14Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Hopefully, a few more days will allow this boy enough rope to hang himself. I’m starting to get the feeling that he’s more pitiful than dangerous. It seems that way to me as well. If she doesn’t figure this out before getting on a plane, being trapped with him for days on end would probably end the infatuation once and for all. I can’t find the article, but yahoo ran a thing about how interviewers note that many young adults don’t communicate well. The upshot IIRC is that teens text these fragments back and forth, so they don’t develop the longer, more thoughtful responses that interviewers would like to hear. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/155 "2009-08-05T22:00:11Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > I can’t find the article, but yahoo ran a thing about how interviewers note that many young adults don’t communicate well. The upshot IIRC is that teens text these fragments back and forth, so they don’t develop the longer, more thoughtful responses that interviewers would like to hear. Of course, this could also be characterized as “communicate differently.” Granted, the power lies with the interviewer rather than the interviewee, but from an objective standpoint, it makes just as much sense for the interview to involve more back-and-forth, with discussion in smaller chunks, as it does for it to be lengthy question followed by lengthy response. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/156 "2009-08-05T22:27:59Z")
The more I hear about the situation the more my original assessment of “stop worrying, it’ll be fine” looks out of place. It’ll still be fine, but I think it’s looking more and more likely that your granddaughter will be sick of her would-be paramour before the week is over. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/157 "2009-08-05T23:58:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Of course, this could also be characterized as “communicate differently.” Granted, the power lies with the interviewer rather than the interviewee, but from an objective standpoint, it makes just as much sense for the interview to involve more back-and-forth, with discussion in smaller chunks, as it does for it to be lengthy question followed by lengthy response. I completely disagree. If the kid needs to be led by the hand to be able to give one monosyllabic reply after another, then he’s communicating poorly, not “differently,” and cannot be counted on to communicate in a job. ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/158 "2009-08-06T03:55:07Z")
As an aside, we have an 18 yr old girl working in our office. She sounds just like your grandchild. For example, we were discussing our weekends the other day and she said, “Oh I met this guy I really liked but then Sunday he texted me 8 times and it annoyed me so I never called him back.” And that was the end of that. Such strange fickle creatures, 18 yr old girls. I have a feeling yours will move on from her latest crush pretty quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/159 "2009-08-06T14:16:45Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I’m guessing these aren’t text equivalents of _War and Peace_–most of them are probably just a few words (or characters). Hence my assumption of ten seconds per text. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063/160 "2009-08-06T15:42:03Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I completely disagree. If the kid needs to be led by the hand to be able to give one monosyllabic reply after another, then he’s communicating poorly, not “differently,” and cannot be counted on to communicate in a job. But this is only seen as “communicating poorly” because of the dominant paradigm. If everyone else this person were working with communicated with similar short back-and-forth snippets, it would be the person who gave long, drawn-out answers to everything who would be “communicating poorly.” If you read what I said, it was that there was nothing objectively, inherently wrong with how the kid was communicating. It’s just a different kind of communication from what’s currently expected. Doesn’t change the fact that the person probably isn’t going to get the job if they can’t adapt to those expectations–but it doesn’t make their method of communication “bad” simply because it’s less mainstream. > [@Maeglin](#): > > Hence my assumption of ten seconds per text. 10 seconds is a hell of a long time to type out “wuts up.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenage-girl-irl-meeting-with-internet-love/505063.md?page=9)