# Teenager flirting with me. Weird visit to the inlaws! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 28, 2013, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546 "2013-05-28T15:14:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/41 "2013-05-29T18:04:15Z")
I guess I was wrong and it is common behavior. I’ve always taken it to be a sign of something very wrong. ---
**Author:** ![chargerrich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chargerrich/32/5399_2.png) [@chargerrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chargerrich)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/42 "2013-05-29T18:10:03Z")
> [@RyJae](#): > > Does your van offer free candy where it is parked? (Just joking!) Though seriously I would be wary and make sure other adults are always present. #$%^ I just spit up my energy drink all over my keyboard! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/43 "2013-05-29T18:22:14Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I guess I was wrong and it is common behavior. I’ve always taken it to be a sign of something very wrong. Take it as a sign something _might_ be wrong. Observe her behavior to see if there are other warning signs. It could be harmless or it could be something else. Regardless, the behavior is inappropriate and a parent should have a discussion about it with her. Tweens should not be flirting with adults. ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/44 "2013-05-29T18:26:42Z")
I agree you are a “safe” flirt to try her skills on in the sense that you are not her freinds dad or otherwise related to her. if this is a small town, then most likely every other male she meets she has know her entire life and so is recognised as family. She was expressing that she was aware that you are grown man (teenage hormones). I went through a time when two certain men made me hyper-aware that they were male, although I did not know at the tme any reason for my hyper-awareness. Both of those men were contemporaries of my father so not age appropriate at all. I don’t think they consciously did anything to attract my attention. The two men in question did have a habit of “adjusting” themselves which in my family, men did not do. I am not saying the OP did anything to draw her attention just saying what I determined was a factor for me. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/45 "2013-05-29T18:27:46Z")
I did this, unfortunately the ‘safe’ target was less safe. Glad you are proving a better choice for her. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/46 "2013-05-29T19:05:48Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I guess I was wrong and it is common behavior. I’ve always taken it to be a sign of something very wrong. Whoa, also very not wrong! It can absolutely be a sign something is very, terribly wrong. I have worked with way too many children who exhibited this behaviour (well, usually far more than just this) because of abuse. That is definitely a thing, and I wouldn’t want you to see a teenager giving an older relative a lap dance next week and think “meh, Dopers said it’s normal”. Being alert to this sort of behaviour is not a bad thing. The description just sounds within the normal range to me, and there don’t seem to be other warning signs. But it is definitely a reaction that some children might have, if they have been receiving attention for sexual behaviour. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/47 "2013-05-29T19:34:54Z")
[QUOTE=gracer] I remember when I got my super powers! [/QUOTE] What are these powers you speak of? ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/48 "2013-05-29T22:14:46Z")
Okay, this actually just gets creepier and creepier. Turns out I was wrong on her age. My wife said something about this whole thing to my SIL, and she clarified something for us. My grand-niece is 12, I knew Allie was one year different in age. I guess we _assumed_ that Allie was older. Turns out she is younger. Holy shit, this girl is **11**. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/49 "2013-05-29T22:44:37Z")
**leftfield6** , sounds like you’re a pretty perceptive guy. In this case, since you don’t have any idea what exactly is going on, I suggest you continue to trust your gut. If someone touches you and it doesn’t feel _right_ it probably isn’t. Same as what we teach our young. I’m a little startled at people who can brush this away as overreacting. It certainly does raise the question without requiring any action. Pehaps time has moved on and it’s normal for people not to have as good of social boundaries as they used to have. Maybe society even looks at this as a good thing, a sort of relaxing of uptightness. A coziness, even. But if a parent is going to teach social boundaries it starts the first time your two-year old grabs someone else’s fork at the dinner table or pulls her playmate’s hair. And by the time a child is eleven or thirteen she certainly must be clear on touching strangers, whether it’s a friendly touch, a spiteful touch or a sexual touch. She may or may not be aware of the possible consequences but many of us here are. Glad you are watchful of her well-being. The consequences for a fourty-eight year old man can be pretty disastrous as well. Our poor confused kids. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/50 "2013-05-30T00:48:13Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Okay, this actually just gets creepier and creepier. Turns out I was wrong on her age. My wife said something about this whole thing to my SIL, and she clarified something for us. My grand-niece is 12, I knew Allie was one year different in age. I guess we _assumed_ that Allie was older. Turns out she is younger. Holy shit, this girl is **11**. Children change an astonishing amount in those years. It seems like a small difference, but it actually changes things quite a bit. I went from feeling fairly sure it was innocent, to being a lot more suspicious. I would mention her behavior to her parents, and if they act unconcerned (bad) or weird and evasive (worse) I would consider carefully the next step, because I would be afraid this child has been exposed to something she shouldn’t have. IMHO ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/51 "2013-05-30T03:00:44Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Okay, this actually just gets creepier and creepier. Turns out I was wrong on her age. My wife said something about this whole thing to my SIL, and she clarified something for us. My grand-niece is 12, I knew Allie was one year different in age. I guess we _assumed_ that Allie was older. Turns out she is younger. Holy shit, this girl is **11**. Again, not out of the ordinary. A friend of mine is a grammar school teacher and he’s had many students try to flirt or make ribald comments (“Damn, Mr. L - you’ve got a nice ass!”). Luckily for him, he can cut things off with disciplinary action. There’s a grammar school down the block from my condo, and I changed my running route because passing the playground elicited too many comments from the young girls on the playground (and thus dirty looks from teachers). Even the ones that haven’t hit puberty want to experiment with male/female interaction and see what sort of responses they get to various behaviors. It’s interesting from a gender perspective. A young male flirting with older women tends to get stomped, but nothing less will discourage such behavior. Older men are generally more sensitive about it, and so girls typically don’t learn to rein things in until they encounter a sleazebag. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/52 "2013-05-30T03:18:20Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Okay, this actually just gets creepier and creepier. Turns out I was wrong on her age. My wife said something about this whole thing to my SIL, and she clarified something for us. My grand-niece is 12, I knew Allie was one year different in age. I guess we _assumed_ that Allie was older. Turns out she is younger. Holy shit, this girl is **11**. About the same as my peeking-in-flies niece, then. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/53 "2013-05-30T04:10:45Z")
Yeah, but is she a \*mature \*11? 😃 Sorry I couldn’t resist. Sounds really disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/54 "2013-05-30T09:50:07Z")
I experienced this multiple times, and I’m pretty sure not all of the kids could be abused. And, yeah, 11 makes more sense. 13 is about the age when it stops. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/55 "2013-05-30T15:45:05Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I experienced this multiple times, and I’m pretty sure not all of the kids could be abused. I’m thinking it depends on how we define abuse. Usually we think in terms of caretakers. But our whole society creates an atmosphere of sexualizing young females. Children whose sexuality is awakened before they are able to maturely process it,_and who have been reinforced by being rewarded in some way for it,_ are experiencing a more subtle form of abuse. It’s so pervasive that some of us don’t even notice it. I agree with other posters who say that not everything has to be about abuse and that sometimes we are too hasty in going there. We end up persecuting individuals when maybe we should be looking at the environment we create. But it’s also important to recognize that many people are confused about what abuse entails. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/56 "2013-05-30T17:58:00Z")
It may amount to nothing more than being exposed to adult content movies prematurity. And being from out of town means you probably have no need/way to, ‘keep an eye on’, anything! Now, stop for a moment and imagine, if you can, how much worse the creepy vibe is when it’s going in the other direction. From 48yr old male family member to unsuspecting 11/12yr old girl! And I can promise you that is way, way more common. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/57 "2013-05-30T21:07:16Z")
Some more anecdotes to broaden your the perspectives… Not abuse, just a bad example When I was in high school I’d go visit a friend’s place on the weekends. Our whole gang would spend entire weekends gaming or swimming in the pool – Pizza delivery is a wonderful thing! My friend’s new stepfather would have custody of his young kids-from-another-wife every-other weekend. The six-year-old girl shocked us teens all the time by walking up to one of us (guys or girls) and unzipping their fly, giggling as she did so. The stepfather told us that the six-year-old was learning that behavior from his ex-wife who was “making the rounds” and apparently wasn’t very discreet. We’d shake our heads and grumble “She’s gonna be pregnant before she’s our age!” but we weren’t in a position to complain (or even communicate at all) to the ex-wife. Not a crush, just a phase One of the high school girls taking courses at the English School where I taught in Japan was very flirtatious and would hang around after her group session ended. I had just turned 30 at the time and, remembering the step-sister of my old friend, wanted to keep myself out of trouble so I asked one of the other teachers to come in after that weekly session and tell me what she observed. She saw the same things I saw, but assured me “It’s just a thing. It’ll pass. Don’t let it make you nervous.” so I made a point of ignoring the kid and eventually she went back to acting normal like her classmates. Getting good at being bad Another teacher in the next town over said the high school girls in his English classes were worse. He claimed they would flash their underwear at him and ask him questions like “Do you think of me when you masturbate?” I talked to two teachers (one Japanese, one American) in my school about it, expecting them to expose the lie, but they both told me basically, “Yeah, some girls in their teens will experiment with being naughty or breaking the rules. But they’re not doing it for \; they’re doing it so they can brag about it and impress each other. \ is just a victim.” –G! I say Cool is the rule but Sometimes Bad is BAD …–Huey Lewis (…and the News) …_Bad is Bad_ …Sports ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/58 "2013-05-30T23:55:30Z")
I’ve had girls do this to me all my life. They’re like cats, the more you ignore them the harder they try. It could be anything from a school girl crush to a desire for attention from a father figure. Ignore it, they’ll get bored and find a ball of string or whatever else strikes their fancy. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/59 "2013-05-31T01:16:59Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > > [@gracer](#): > > > > I remember when I got my super powers! > > What are these powers you speak of? Does anyone have an answer for this? I’d love to know what **gracer** is referring to when she mentions these “super powers”. I asked before, but apparently no one saw it, so I am just re-quoting the post to see if someone has an answer for this. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546/60 "2013-05-31T01:21:37Z")
She’s talking about the female ability to attract the attention of and manipulate heterosexual men. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenager-flirting-with-me-weird-visit-to-the-inlaws/659546.md?page=4)