# Teenagers, don't post about your bully problems in the Pit. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 6, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424 "2003-12-06T20:13:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/21 "2003-12-06T23:37:29Z")
So **why** is behavior tolerated in junior high and high school that would, without qualification, result in charges in an adult setting? Why is assault, harassment, and slander tolerated because “kids will be kids”? If they started punishing this kind of shit like they do with adults, kids would no longer “be kids”. They might actually act like human beings for a change… ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/22 "2003-12-06T23:55:43Z")
Only bits and pieces of the things quoted in the OP are in the least mean-spirited. Most of it is sound advice that is not framed in totally soothing language because mostly we are not professional counselors here. What I do see are others who are drawing from their own experiences in surviving the hell hole that high school can be. Look at the responses from the OP again: > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Chastain86** : > Maybe people pick on you because you use phrases like “I can’t be arsed” and you’re from Ohio. If **Chastain86** were really “spoiling for a fight,” chances are that she or he would have come up with something with a little more teeth to it. The Ohio remark sounds a little bit more like teasing to me. Maybe it was inappropriate under the circumstances to tease, but for some of us, that’s how we show our affection and test the waters. Not all teasing is mean. Sometimes it is an unconscious test of how cool and relaxed someone is. If you get huffy, that’s a negative response. If you laugh and poke a little fun at yourself, the sting is gone and you come across as a fun to know. These comments also apply to this quote: > [@](#): > > You think it’s slander and libel to call you the “sniper”? Hey, it’s called “teasing”. If they are no longer teasing you to “test the waters” to see if you can handle it, then it is possible that they are teasing just for the “team sport.” When they are members of a group of people who are teasing someone as a gag, it is all too easy to justify to themselves what they are doing. The activities seem funny to them and they don’t let themselves stop and think about what the targeted person is feeling. They may not even think of themselves as bullies. But there may come a point where the teasing changes to taunting for the purpose of getting a reaction out of someone. The more reaction they get, the more they taunt. That is plain old mean-spirited bullying. When this level of bullying is going on, there are some suggestions that I would make. Don’t react in any observable way. Have witnesses nearby who are aware of what to watch and listen for. Document everything with time and date and who said what. If it is legal in your state, tape it – especially secretly. Then get your parents involved. If it were my kid, I woud have their feet to the fire and their parents in court. Considering the nature of the society we live in, that kind of bullying should no longer be tolerated. Back to the OP responses: > [@](#): > > **Chastain86** : I also inferred that perhaps he’s having a rough time is because of a holier-than-thou attitude, which even seems evident in the title of the Pit thread. Notice the word _inferred_! **Chastain** is explaining her or his feelings and thoughts in response to the wording in the original thread. There is no accusation – just a suggestion that **perhaps** that is part of the problem. It was **Chastain’s** comment that was twisted. ## [quote] **Rilchaim** : Or twist what you say and call you a crybaby for taking a sensible course of action instead of letting the situation get out of hand, like quote: ## Originally posted by **Knowed Out** : **TMWTGG** apparently doesn’t understand what we’re saying either, comparing his situation to Columbine. I suspect he’s probably been sheltered his whole life, and is used to having his parents constantly protect him. More power to him for getting the principal to intercede, but neither the principal or his parents can protect him all the time. He’s going to have to learn how to cope with these types of problems himself. No where do I see him called a cry baby. Talk about twisting! To the contrary, **KnowingOut** suggests that he did the right thing by involving the school officials. He does offer a friendly reminder that eventually he is going to have to learn to deal with this on his own. **What part of that statement is wrong**? > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Boo Foo Foo** : > In your last post above you gave off the air of someone who was enjoying the role of victim just a little bit too much for comfort there. Again, someone is telling **The Man** _how he comes across_ – not necessarily how he _is_. **Boo Foo Foo** would probably be the first to acknowledge that he doesn’t actually _know_ what **The Man** is feeling. ( **Unless Boo Foo** is from Florida…but that’s another story.) And the “twinkie on the folding chair” is right about at least one thing. The title of the original thread was a mess and _seemed_ to make assumptions. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/23 "2003-12-07T00:05:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jayjay \* > \*\*So **why** is behavior tolerated in junior high and high school that would, without qualification, result in charges in an adult setting? Why is assault, harassment, and slander tolerated because “kids will be kids”? > > If they started punishing this kind of shit like they do with adults, kids would no longer “be kids”. They might actually act like human beings for a change… \*\* The mentality towards school yard bullying that I hear from some people reminds me about one talk show I was listening to a couple years ago when military hazing incidents were big in the news. One guy called in and said that they were a wonderful thing and talked about going through it as a great bonding experience and how it helped to form great friendships with his fellow army buddies :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/24 "2003-12-07T00:12:51Z")
**Road Rash** – Pussy is worthless shit? I must disagree. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/25 "2003-12-07T00:19:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joel \* > \*\*The mentality towards school yard bullying that I hear from some people reminds me about one talk show I was listening to a couple years ago when military hazing incidents were big in the news. One guy called in and said that they were a wonderful thing and talked about going through it as a great bonding experience and how it helped to form great friendships with his fellow army buddies :rolleyes: \*\* There are definitely times when I’m convinced there are actually two different species making up _Homo sapiens_: the bonders and the loners. Because at no time in my life has hazing/bullying/harassment/assault made me _bond_ with my attackers. It’s only made me hate them with a passion that dwarfs the proverbial million blazing suns. There are still people from high school that I wouldn’t stop to piss on if they were on fire (unless I could somehow piss Everclear). It’s been 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/26 "2003-12-07T07:44:40Z")
I skipped my 10 year high school reunion because I had to go to school with a lot of assholes (no one that beat me up, but still assholes nonetheless). I might try the 15 or 20 year reunion, see if they changed and grew up yet. Or maybe I can go and gloat over how they got bald and fat and divorced 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/27 "2003-12-07T09:20:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Joel_ > **Oh, well, sorry to repeat what someone else said, but to be honest, I usually don’t read links to other SDMB threads.** **Joel** , you weren’t quite repeating what the other person ( **Knowed Out** ) said. What s/he said was, “Anybody at the workplace who acts as immature as Isaiah isn’t going to last 5 minutes anyway. This is a different situation.” They **are** different situations, but mainly because an adult being harassed in the workplace isn’t likely to be criticized for filing a complaint with HR, while a student filing a complaint with administration is subject to accusations (more on this later). Anyway, you **should** follow links, to better form your own opinion on the subject that’s being carried over to the second thread! **Fretful Porpentine** and **TMWTGG** : You’re welcome. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Boo Foo Foo_ > **Go back and look at the title of your original thread and try and tell me that your ego didn’t influence the title.** What do you want him to do—agree with Isaiah and them that he’s worthless? You yourself said that he’s made good posts on other subjects; is it only okay for other people to speak well of him? > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jayjay_ > **If they started punishing this kind of shit like they do with adults, kids would no longer “be kids”. They might actually act like human beings for a change…** Amen, brother. **Zoe** : > [@](#): > > **The Ohio remark sounds a little bit more like teasing to me. Maybe it was inappropriate under the circumstances to tease, but for some of us, that’s how we show our affection and test the waters. Not all teasing is mean. Sometimes it is an unconscious test of how cool and relaxed someone is. If you get huffy, that’s a negative response. If you laugh and poke a little fun at yourself, the sting is gone and you come across as a fun to know.** Can’t hear inflections or see facial expressions on the net. It _came across_ as a criticism, and an unfounded one. You give some good advice in the next three paragraphs, but… > [@](#): > > **No where do I see him called a cry baby. Talk about twisting!** You’re not gonna do that thing where, unless I counter a post exact word for exact word, then I’m putting words in the other poster’s mouth, are you? **KO** _inferred_ that **TMWTGG** has been “sheltered by his parents”, and from that phrase, I _inferred_ that **KO** thought **TMWTGG** was being a baby. What else was I supposed to _infer_ from that phrase? > [@](#): > > **To the contrary, KnowingOut suggests that he did the right thing by involving the school officials. He does offer a friendly reminder that eventually he is going to have to learn to deal with this on his own. What part of that statement is wrong?** What’s wrong is **KO** ’s obliviousness to the fact that **TMWTGG** **did** deal with the problem on his own. Now for the “more on this later”. Suppose an adult poster’s co-workers printed up the same fliers and made the same comments about the poster being the sniper. S/he would be counseled, if they posted about it here, to go directly to HR. The phrase “deal with it on your own” wouldn’t even come up. When you’re in school, the principal, headmaster, dean, whatever, **is** your HR. What part of **TMWTGG** seeking their assistance was wrong? > [@](#): > > **Again, someone is telling The Man how he comes across – not necessarily how he is.** And I’m telling **KO** , and now you, how you come across. Not necessarily how you are. Joel, again: > [@](#): > > **One guy called in and said that they were a wonderful thing and talked about going through it as a great bonding experience and how it helped to form great friendships with his fellow army buddies.** Perhaps he meant the guys who were being hazed along with him. Surviving a tough situation **together** can create strong bonds. But the operative word is “together”. I see no parallel with a situation where someone’s being singled out. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/28 "2003-12-07T11:22:37Z")
No, I think that the caller ment that he bonded with those that hazed him. Hey, It worked out fine in the end for him, but I think it’s stupid that that’s what it takes to earn the respect of others. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/29 "2003-12-07T11:24:41Z")
Oh, and also, my point was that the caller was saying that hazing was a good thing and that he was talking about it in “Boys will be boys” and “It’s good for you, it builds character” terms just like some talk about school bullying. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/30 "2003-12-07T20:31:36Z")
I see. To me, all that means is that the hazers end up transferring their aggression to the hazees, who will then pass it on to others. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/31 "2003-12-07T20:34:31Z")
They could also absorb it themselves, allowing it to fester… ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/32 "2003-12-08T07:46:29Z")
Or they could be pre-warned about it and remain among civilized people. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/33 "2003-12-08T18:26:44Z")
**matt** , do you mean the hazers or the hazees? ---
**Author:** ![E.T.Bass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@E.T.Bass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.T.Bass)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/34 "2003-12-08T18:29:25Z")
Well, I want to pit about something that happened to me as a teenager in the early 1980s. I learned how to drive around 1983-84. I live in a suburb of Memphis, Tennessee called Germantown, which is where upper middle class and wealthy types live. Of course, as a teenager, I did not know how to drive well and had a lead foot. I was working then, and was stopped in Memphis for a violation. No biggie, I went downtown, paid the fine and was done with it. Then, I got a ticket in Germantown. They had (have) a rule stating that if you are under 18, you had to go to court with either a parent or a legal guardian. Shit! I even tried to go down there to pay them their money and they would not take it. So, I had to go home and tell Daddy that I got me a ticket and we were going to spend Thursday night going to court. So, here I am, wearing a stupid jacket and tie in a room with half the damn high school waiting around for Mayberry Justice. Almost 20 years later, that little event still pissed me off. ET ---
**Author:** ![sleeping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@sleeping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeping)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/35 "2003-12-09T03:49:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \* > I see. To me, all that means is that the hazers end up transferring their aggression to the hazees, who will then pass it on to others. Very true. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424/36 "2003-12-09T13:07:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by E.T. Bass \* > \*\*Almost 20 years later, that little event still pissed me off. > > ET \*\* And this has _what_ to do with the thread in which you posted it? Besides, I see it more as the precinct doing something about a lack of parental supervision. Folks under 18 are, no matter how old they act or feel, still legally minors, and their parents can be held liable for any damage or injury they cause. Therefore, bully on Germantown for making sure your adult parents knew what was going on in the legal life of their minor child. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/teenagers-dont-post-about-your-bully-problems-in-the-pit/217424.md?page=1)