# Telemarketers that target businesses- burn in hell, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882 "2007-06-13T17:59:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/1 "2007-06-13T17:59:20Z")
I understand that various groups are likely suffering in the wake of the national DNC list. I mean, I can only imagine their employees- sitting in their offices, huddled together in the dark and shivering because the heat has been turned off. I really do worry for them, I do. So, because of this I can certainly understand why these businesses have started targeting other businesses, since there is no DNC for companies. They are just doing their job after all. (Alright, I just broke my sarcasm button, I can’t do it anymore. I’ll continue, but with genuine hate, rather than bitter, passive-aggressive sarcasm.) Of course, their job consists of bombarding our fax machine with offers for (allow me to grab the latest stack): “FINAL NOTICE OF FREE VACATIONS! TO: ALL CORPORATE EMPLOYEES! ONLY $323 PP FOR 6 DAYS! OCEANFRONT RESORT UPGRADE!!!”, “DO YOU WANT STOCK QUOTES? WE HAVE STOCK QUOTES!!!1111”, and “FREE HEALTH INSURANCE 4 YOUR SMALL BUSINESS!!11! CALL 2DAY!!1!” And naturally, these faxes happen about 10 times a day. But you know, the faxes don’t really bother me, as they are easy enough to ignore, plus we have a dedicated fax line. What really gets me are the _incredibly_ shady telemarketers. These people will flat out lie with the distant hope that they will find some idiot on the phone who will go for it. In fact, for the last three days I’ve received 4 calls a day from what I can assume is the same company. > [@](#): > > Me: 'Ello. \< business name \> > Bitch: Hi, miss. I’m Toya from your copy service company! Your manual has been updated and I’d like to send you a new copy. What’s the model or serial number of your machine again? “Ah, you shiesty bitch,” I think. I’m on to her like. . . well, someone who is really on to something. > [@](#): > > Me: Oh! That’s GREAT. Ok, you have all of our info on file? > Bitch: Yes! I just need to verify the model number! > Me: Great! Ok, well what do you have on file there? > Bitch: I, well, I, um, I need to just verify it. If you could just tell me. . . > Me: Oh, we have like, 12 copy machines here (not true at all) and I mean, I’d just HATE to not get the updated manual. Which one are you calling about? > Bitch: The, um, the, uh, the Canon. Yeah, the Canon. > Me: Ah, great. Ok, wait. Which Canon? We have 4. Which model? > _click_ Ah, silly girl. Our phone immediately starts ringing again and I giggle to myself as I answer and confirm exactly what I thought: the next number on her auto dial list is our other business number (which has a different area code because we have an office in another state, but the phones roll over to here). And even though I answer the phone by identifying the business, she doesn’t catch on. This time, I decide to do a fun idea that someone on this board mentioned. > [@](#): > > Me: Ello. \< business name \> > Bitch: Hi, miss. I’m Toya from your copy service company! Your manual has been updated and I’d like to send you a new copy. What’s the model or serial number of your machine again? > Me: Oh my! I don’t know _what_ we’d do without a proper manual. Hold on, let me check. > _puts down the phone for a good 5 minutes, next to a radio blaring rap_ > Me: K! Glad you’re still here Toya! Ok, I have the serial number! > Bitch: Great! What is it?" > Me: One. > Bitch: . . . > . . . > Ok, one then what? > Me: Just one! > Bitch: Oh, the numbers are generally longer. Like 16 digits. Any others? > Me: Nope. Just one. Wait! There’s more! > Bitch: Great! What are they? > Me: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 01. > _click_ Broke my heart, it did. I thought she and I had a great little rapport going on, ya know? I was really heartbroken that Toya was out of my life for good and I mean, what was I going to do without that manual? You’re also probably wondering while I’m calling her a bitch (aside from the fact that she was trying to scam us). Allow me to tell you about today’s calls. Things started much similar to the first call, except I asked her what company she was from. She said, “I’m Toya from your copy service company!” To which I replied, “So, the company’s name is “Toya from your copy service company” eh?” She hung up on me again ☹ She called me back immediately, I assumed she wanted to apologize and offer me some free toner, but instead she went through her little deal again. “Oh, TOYA! I’m SO happy you called back! See, I was excited by that manual and you must have accidentally hung up on me!” And then she said: “And I’m going to do it again. _click_” Mean. ☹ Asshole goat feltchers, the lot of them. It wouldn’t be too irritating, except for the fact that we get about 10 calls like this a day, per line (we have 3). ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/2 "2007-06-13T18:14:20Z")
Nice rant, but that wasn’t a telemarketer. That was a scammer. Her plan was to send your office fake toner and then an invoice that accounts person would have assumed was valid. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/3 "2007-06-13T18:17:09Z")
[More info](http://www.newschannel9.com/engine.pl?station=wtvc&id=1539&template=breakout_story1.shtml&dateformat=%25M+%25e,%25Y) ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/4 "2007-06-13T18:17:27Z")
[QUOTE=pizzabrat] Nice rant, but that wasn’t a telemarketer. That was a scammer. Her plan was to send your office fake toner and then an invoice that accounts person would have assumed was valid. [/QUOTE] Right, I knew exactly what she was doing (that’s why I was screwing with her). I hope in the OP I didn’t make it sound like I had no idea what was going on. I’d still argue she was marketing something via the telephone, she just planned on using that marketing in an unlawful way. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/5 "2007-06-13T18:21:33Z")
Ugh, I agree. We get: [ul] [li]Albany Times Union, who, while a _wonderful_ newspaper, has horrible telemarketing practices.[/li][li]Debt Solution Services.[/li][li]Some sort of vacation deal.[/li][li]Car Offers.[/ul][/li] All of these except for the Times Union are automatic phone messages. Um, NO. If you can’t bother to call me in person, I’m not even going to listen to your message. And that’s not including all the faxed crap. We have to pay for our own paper & toner, you know, and it’s NOT-FOR-PROFIT. We don’t have a lot of extra money. Idjits. ---
**Author:** ![Tierce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@Tierce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tierce)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/6 "2007-06-13T18:38:46Z")
My [recent thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=423904) on the DNCR aspect. I haven’t been hit with the copier scam yet, but I have had a long distance company slam me. Isn’t there at least a law against junk fax? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/7 "2007-06-13T18:41:07Z")
[QUOTE=pizzabrat] Nice rant, but that wasn’t a telemarketer. That was a scammer. [/QUOTE] Not that there’s really a significant difference between the two. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/8 "2007-06-13T18:47:06Z")
My office has four brand new lines for two new businesses. 1) We are on every goddamn “New Business! Market to Them!” list known to man, and 2) inundated with calls for the old owner(s). A good portion of my day is waiting through the automatic message now so POPULAR to get to where they tell me the secret number to push to get us off their list (thank god for speaker phone), or telling people they have the wrong number, or that no, we’re not interested in merchant services. My favorite so far (besides [this one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8434686&postcount=65)) is the guy that called asking for the owner. :rolleyes: Man, I hate those. There is no fucking way I’m passing this call to the COO or the CEO of the two companies I work for. He was calling for Earthlink. I said we’re not interested, take us off your list. He got snotty. “Are you the owner???” No. We’re not interested, take us off your list. “Well, I’d like to speak to the owner.” Look, I am authorized to tell you we’re not interested and to take us off your list. “Well, how would you know? Do you know what Earthlink is?” LOOK, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE (seriously, I was shouting into the phone. I’m glad I was alone in the office at the time) WE ARE NOT INTERESTED TAKE US OFF YOUR LIST!!! “Well, have you considered the benefits of” [SLAM]. Hung up the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/9 "2007-06-13T18:50:01Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] … automatic phone messages. Um, NO. If you can’t bother to call me in person, I’m not even going to listen to your message. [/QUOTE] Wouldn’t it be great if you had a button on your phone that would shunt them off to YOUR automated message? Just an endlessly repeated loop that would go something like “We do not accepted any telephone solicitations. Do not call again.” over and over. Imagine the look on the guy’s face when he’s checking his tapes at the end of the day all excited to see this long message only to find out it’s an automated loop! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/10 "2007-06-13T18:50:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Me: K! Glad you’re still here Toya! Ok, I have the serial number! > Bitch: Great! What is it?" > Me: One. > Bitch: . . . > . . . > Ok, one then what? 14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 58209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679 82148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128 48111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196 44288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091 45648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273 72458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436 78925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094 33057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548 07446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912 98336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798 60943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132 00056812714526356082778577134275778960917363717872 14684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235 42019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960 51870721134999999837297804995105973173281609631859 50244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881 71010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303 59825349042875546873115956286388235378759375195778 18577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989 38095257201065485863278865936153381827968230301952 03530185296899577362259941389124972177528347913151 55748572424541506959508295331168617278558890750983 81754637464939319255060400927701671139009848824012 85836160356370766010471018194295559619894676783744 94482553797747268471040475346462080466842590694912 93313677028989152104752162056966024058038150193511 25338243003558764024749647326391419927260426992279 67823547816360093417216412199245863150302861829745 55706749838505494588586926995690927210797509302955 32116534498720275596023648066549911988183479775356 63698074265425278625518184175746728909777727938000 81647060016145249192173217214772350141441973568548 16136115735255213347574184946843852332390739414333 45477624168625189835694855620992192221842725502542 56887671790494601653466804988627232791786085784383 See how far you can get before she hangs up. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/11 "2007-06-13T19:00:04Z")
Oh dear lord, yes. The toner scammers. The magazine subscription people. The policemen’s charity ball people. DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!\* - is this allowed? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/12 "2007-06-13T19:00:27Z")
[QUOTE=niblet\_head] My favorite so far (besides [this one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8434686&postcount=65)) is the guy that called asking for the owner. :rolleyes: Man, I hate those. [/QUOTE] Argh, HATE those. This is a family corporation, so I am both a partial (though certainly no where near the majority) owner, as well as the Vice President. I always defer important stuff, obviously, but I do have signing and decision making authority, per the whole being a corporation thing. Just yesterday someone called and asked to speak to the owner. Well, el Presidente is out of the office, so I said, “Sure, how can I help you?” I could just about hear the person’s :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: through the phone as they said, “Uh, are you SURE YOU’RE the owner?” I calmly replied, “Why yes. This is a corporation. There are two owners. I’m one of them. NOW, what are you calling about?” The person says, “Well, whatever ,can I talk to the OTHER owner?” “No, you may not.” “Ok, well I’m calling from _perks up_ AAAA ADVANTAGE HOME MORTGAGE SERVICE AND WE’D LIKE TO EXTEND OUR SERVICE TO YOU AND YOUR CLIENTS!” “Not happenin’. Take us off your list. And for the record, the other owner would have hung up on you two minutes ago, probably in a tirade of curse words. Have a nice day.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/13 "2007-06-13T19:03:39Z")
I’ve told a few of the telemarketers that call the business that we’re on the Federal DNC list and they must remove our number _immediately_ from their call list or I’ll be reporting them. So far, none of them have realized that there is no DNC for businesses. The ones that REALLY piss me off are the recorded sales pitches. There’s nobody to yell at, just a damned machine. If they happen to call outside of normal business hours, we get these huge long messages on our voicemail, and (can you believe this?) the “delete message” button on our voicemail system doesn’t work until you’ve listened all the way to the end of the message. Luckily, there’s a “skip forward 10 seconds” button, so I can just keep pressing that until I reach the end, and then delete their drivel. The junk faxes, BTW, are illegal in some states. The rationale is that when they call your phone, they’re paying for it, but when they send you a fax, they’re using up your paper and toner. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/14 "2007-06-13T19:05:38Z")
I honestly have a lot of respect for the intelligent, respectful telemarketer (yes, they exist). Not an easy job. But there’s soooooo many that just. don’t. get. it. Hey, dumbfuck, you’re making your job _harder_ and your quota \*harder to get to \* by being such a dumbass! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/15 "2007-06-13T19:12:42Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] Wouldn’t it be great if you had a button on your phone that would shunt them off to YOUR automated message? Just an endlessly repeated loop that would go something like “We do not accepted any telephone solicitations. Do not call again.” over and over. Imagine the look on the guy’s face when he’s checking his tapes at the end of the day all excited to see this long message only to find out it’s an automated loop! [/QUOTE] Ooo! Then I would put on a message for our own stuff: “Hello and thanks for calling the WalkAmerica line! WalkAmerica is on \_\_\_\_ this year and we sure hope you can attend. Please sign up at [www.walkamerica.org](http://www.walkamerica.org)!” … _click_ “Hello and thanks for calling the WalkAmerica…” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/16 "2007-06-13T19:19:44Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Oh dear lord, yes. The toner scammers. The magazine subscription people. The policemen’s charity ball people. DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!\* - is this allowed? [/QUOTE] As long as no Dopers are involved. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/17 "2007-06-13T19:47:55Z")
The office i work in has a block of phone numbers. Everything in about a 200 number range. One evening, a couple of years ago, the phones started ringing, one by one, starting at about 5:15pm. Phone one rings, phone two rings, the night bell rings (indicating a number not in use was called, and it rolled to the front desk) … Each time, if someone answered, it was a fax machine. It went on for several nights. Finally, someone timed it right and forwarded one of the calls to a fax machine. Out comes a fax offering great rates on mortgage refinancing. Weird thing is, there isn’t a phone number on the page, only a return fax number. So now we start faxing the thing back in reams, with messages to stop faxing scribbled across them. The calls keep coming. So someone looks up the lenders name, gets a phone number and we call them. Turns out that the faxes weren’t actually from the company listed. It wasn’t a happy scene. Eventually, the owner of the not-really-calling company was able to track them and get it shut down. Oh, the blessed silence. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/18 "2007-06-13T20:05:51Z")
What ever you do, [don’t give them the bosses name!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8657815&postcount=10) ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/19 "2007-06-13T20:18:19Z")
For my telecommuting PC my employer uses Comcast. I have had to call them ONCE due to a service outage in my neighborhood. That’s it. _riinnngggg_ Me: Thank you for calling [office name / division], this is MissTake. How may I help you? Comcast: Uhhh, is this [phone number] Me: Yes it is. Are you calling regarding your case? Comcast: Well, actually I’d like to talk about upgrading your cable service - we have a special offer Me: You DO realize you called a goverment office, right? Comcast: Our records indicate you currently have Comcast cable Me: Again, You DO realize you’re calling a government office right? I do not have the authorization to agree to any offers you may have, so please remove this number from your list. Comcast: Okay ma’am, thank you. **click** Ten minutes later… _riinnngggg_. I seriously have to go through it with them sometimes twice a day. I have asked the telecommuting honchos what to do and they said my one call was what started it all. Other tc’ers have the same problem and _NOTHING_ can get us off their list. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882/20 "2007-06-13T20:24:11Z")
[QUOTE=MissTake] Me: Again, You DO realize you’re calling a government office right? Other tc’ers have the same problem and NOTHING can get us off their list. [/QUOTE] If you’re Federal, you can have someone initiate legal proceedings, or threaten to. It’s illegal to solicit business from us Feds in this manner. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/telemarketers-that-target-businesses-burn-in-hell-please/407882.md?page=2)