# Television crossovers that can only end in fisticuffs. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 3, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590 "2013-07-03T22:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/1 "2013-07-03T22:23:39Z")
Anyone’s who’s watched both THE MENTALIST and NCIS has surely noted the similar origin stories of of the central characters; both Gibbs and Jane are hypercompetent investigators, difficult to get along with, who abandoned their former careers after the murder of their wives & daughters. But though they would doubtlessly be sympathetic to one another in some ways, it’s hard to imagine the two of them interacting for more than five minutes without a fistfist breaking out; Jane doesn’t know when to stop pushing, and Gibbs is deficient in patience. A fight between them is unavoidable. Wait, that’s not exactly right. It’s more than Gibbs would surely beat up Jane at some point. Not only is the former far more martially competent, but there’s good odds that Jane won’t have any support from his team. Van Pelt is iffy, but Lisbon, Cho, and Kimball, upon finding Jane on the floor bleeding with Gibbs standing over him, are probably going to say, “What did you say, Jane? Never mind, no one cares. We apologize for whatever he did, Agent Gibbs.” Anyway – what other TV show crossovers would surely involve a fight breaking out between the characters, would you say? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/2 "2013-07-03T22:35:16Z")
Captain Kirk of the original series and Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood. Two supreme hypersexual alpha-males - it can only end in fighting or fucking, and Captain Kirk doesn’t swing that way (as far as I know). ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/3 "2013-07-03T22:35:50Z")
I just had the wonderful image of Mal punching Janeway in the face. Thank you. Of course, it would be only once, a straight jab in the nose and mouth when he got sick of her shit and wanted to leave. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/4 "2013-07-03T22:40:28Z")
Oh oh oh - thought of another one - Lois from “Malcolm in The Middle” versus Debra from “Everybody Loves Raymond” - two überbitches square off! ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/5 "2013-07-03T22:41:17Z")
David Spade as Rusty on Rules of Engagement or whatever show he’s in nowadays versus Christian Kane as Eliot Spencer from Leverage. Wouldn’t be much of a fight, of course, but I’d find it enjoyable. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/6 "2013-07-03T22:47:06Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Oh oh oh - thought of another one - Lois from “Malcolm in The Middle” versus Debra from “Everybody Loves Raymond” - two überbitches square off! Lois would have her dismembered and in a quicklime bath before Debra had a chance to react. My entry: Laverne Defazio and Myrna Turner. There can be only one. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/7 "2013-07-03T22:52:04Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I just had the wonderful image of Mal punching Janeway in the face. Thank you. > > Of course, it would be only once, a straight jab in the nose and mouth when he got sick of her shit and wanted to leave. Malcolm Reynolds, you mean? Can’t quite see it.Mal would judge Janeway as needing a punch in the face, but despite his doing so to Saffron he’d not be able to make himself do so unless she started something. That said, Zoe will get tired of Kathryn’s shit in short order and punch her her in the gut. Then Seven kicks Zoe’s ass. Then .. well, it ends badly for the crew of Serenity, sadly. Voyager’s got a lot more numbers, and one of those is Seven. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/8 "2013-07-03T22:57:15Z")
Reese from _Person of Interest_ and Casey from _Chuck_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/9 "2013-07-03T23:06:06Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Reese from _Person of Interest_ and Casey from _Chuck_. Very interesting match-up - this one probably would end in gunfire rather than fisticuffs, though. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/10 "2013-07-03T23:07:15Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > David Spade as Rusty on Rules of Engagement or whatever show he’s in nowadays versus Christian Kane as Eliot Spencer from Leverage. > > Wouldn’t be much of a fight, of course, but I’d find it enjoyable. I haven’t seen much of RoE. Which of Eliot’s buttons would Rusty push? Not the violence against children, surely. Even threatening harm to a child in Eliot’s presence is probably best interpreted as a suicide attempt. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/11 "2013-07-03T23:07:28Z")
Sheldon Cooper visits Roseanne Conner’s household. Pretty much anybody there is likely to kick his ass before the first commercial break. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/12 "2013-07-03T23:09:35Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Sheldon Cooper visits Roseanne Conner’s household. Pretty much anybody there is likely to kick his ass before the first commercial break. How about Sheldon Cooper and Data from The Next Generation? I can see a slapfight breaking out there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/13 "2013-07-03T23:10:58Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Sheldon Cooper visits Roseanne Conner’s household. Pretty much anybody there is likely to kick his ass before the first commercial break. It’s necessary to have the “Don’t I know you?” scene between him and David first, though. Then David can beat him up. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/14 "2013-07-03T23:12:24Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > How about Sheldon Cooper and Data from The Next Generation? I can see a slapfight breaking out there. 😃 Nah. Sheldon hates Wesley Crusher, so I am willing to infer that he loves Data. And even if he doesn’t, Data doesn’t do slapfights. His violence settings are binary. If he didn’t find it logically necessary to murder Sheldon on the spot, he’d just ignore him. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/15 "2013-07-03T23:20:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Malcolm Reynolds, you mean? > > Can’t quite see it.Mal would judge Janeway as needing a punch in the face, but despite his doing so to Saffron he’d not be able to make himself do so unless she started something. > > That said, Zoe will get tired of Kathryn’s shit in short order and punch her her in the gut. > > Then Seven kicks Zoe’s ass. > > Then .. well, it ends badly for the crew of Serenity, sadly. Voyager’s got a lot more numbers, and one of those is Seven. Zoe doesn’t lose fights. That’s Mal’s job 🙂 Also, you must’ve missed the movie _Serenity_. Numbers do not guarantee anything. Don’t see any of those fights happening anyway. Now Jayne and B’Elanna Torres, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/16 "2013-07-03T23:23:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Nah. Sheldon hates Wesley Crusher, so I am willing to infer that he loves Data. And even if he doesn’t, Data doesn’t do slapfights. His violence settings are binary. If he didn’t find it logically necessary to murder Sheldon on the spot, he’d just ignore him. Sheldon loves Data but Brent Spiner is on his Enemies List. That is in-universe canon. Data would probably overload and go all Star Trek robot crazy when faced with the contradiction. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/17 "2013-07-03T23:25:31Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > It’s necessary to have the “Don’t I know you?” scene between him and David first, though. Then David can beat him up. Well, if you’re gonna go there, then Darlene gets to kick his ass, and so does Jackie. Gonna be a long day for Sheldon… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/18 "2013-07-03T23:25:35Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > Zoe doesn’t lose fights. That’s Mal’s job 🙂 Also, you must’ve missed the movie _Serenity_. Numbers do not guarantee anything. While I mock your contention that Zoe is invincible, I am reminded that River would be on the Serenity crew’s side, and that tilt the numbers in Serenity’s favor. They’d still lose, but the Voyager crew would know they’d been in a fight. > [@](#): > > Don’t see any of those fights happening anyway. Now Jayne and B’Elanna Torres, maybe. Please. Janeway could piss off anybody. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/19 "2013-07-03T23:46:48Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Captain Kirk of the original series and Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood. Two supreme hypersexual alpha-males - it can only end in fighting or fucking, and Captain Kirk doesn’t swing that way (as far as I know). 😕 Kirk is straight? 😕 The man whose relationship with his First Officer _created_ the term “Slash Fiction”? 😕 No way in hell. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590/20 "2013-07-03T23:49:57Z")
I was thinking, _‘hey, how about that class-system stalwart the Dowager Countess of Grantham, versus noted socialist…er…um…’_ Then I realized I couldn’t think of any television characters known for being in favor of a level playing field and the end of inherited privilege. ☹ I mean, there are some sort of vaguely-progressive characters from various Aaron Sorkin shows, but none of them are really fierce advocates for the end of social hierarchy. Next I was thinking, _‘hey, how about noted masculinist Don Draper, versus noted feminist…er…huh…well…’_ And I realized that every “feminist” character in television is basically a joke, or the Plot Obstacle, or isn’t really interested in seeing any changes to the status quo. …So I guess I should concentrate more on less-political sources of TV-character conflicts. :dubious: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/television-crossovers-that-can-only-end-in-fisticuffs/662590.md?page=2)