# Tell me about Catholic wedding ceremonies, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 21, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620 "2009-10-21T16:11:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/21 "2009-10-21T18:58:08Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > 12.) \*\*Do not \*\*take Communion if you are not Catholic. The Roman Catholic Church teaches the transubstantiation of the bread and wine into the literal body and blood of Jesus–to eat it if you don’t share those beliefs is incredibly insulting. If you feel weird about just staying in the pew/chair, it’s okay to go up but not take anything. > [/SIZE] As a lapsed Catholic, the same applies. When I visit my mom and she wants company at church…I do not take communion. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/22 "2009-10-21T19:07:02Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > As a lapsed Catholic, the same applies. When I visit my mom and she wants company at church…I do not take communion. Yup. It basically boils down to, “If you’re not someone who believes that what you’re about to eat is the literal body and blood of Jesus, don’t eat it.” IIRC, Catholics themselves should also be in a state of grace to recieve Communion (i.e., haven’t committed any major sins since their last Confession). ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/23 "2009-10-21T19:10:10Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > If you feel weird about just staying in the pew/chair You almost certainly won’t be the only one doing so- there will probably be other non-Catholic guests (your family is not Catholic, right?). There’s no need to feel weird about it. If you stay in your seat, the communion part of the Mass will go quicker. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/24 "2009-10-21T19:13:47Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > ETA: Pssst, **smiling bandit** , read two sentences after the one you quoted–I pretty much said the same thing. _No, you didn’t_. You said he could get up and go along, but had no useful ifnormation about what he should do about it, and no mention whatsoever about the common practice for receiving a blessing but not the host. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/25 "2009-10-21T19:13:57Z")
To make it as simple as possible: There’s nothing wrong with just sitting in the pew quietly and respectfully the whole time. If you want to stand and kneel when everyone else does, or join in the songs, or walk up for Communion with everyone else (but not partake), that’s all fine, but not necessary. And I’ve seen regular Sunday masses go as short as half an hour, or twenty minutes for a daily (which only have one reading + Gospel, not two + Gospel like a Sunday), but that’s pretty rare. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/26 "2009-10-21T19:17:52Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > You almost certainly won’t be the only one doing so- there will probably be other non-Catholic guests (your family is not Catholic, right?). There’s no need to feel weird about it. If you stay in your seat, the communion part of the Mass will go quicker. Occasionally, the priest will announce that non-Catholics can come up with the others during communion and choose to have a blessing instead of receiving the sacrament. This happens at about 10-15% of the Catholic ceremonies I’ve attended. As a lapsed Catholic/agnostic, I do not take communion for the reasons posters have given above. It’s not like anyone knows what’s in your heart, but it is disrespectful, IMHO, to those who do believe. edit: sorry, **smiling bandit** , somehow I glossed over your post re: the blessing. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/27 "2009-10-21T20:03:22Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > You said he could get up and go along, but had no useful ifnormation about what he should do about it, and no mention whatsoever about the common practice for receiving a blessing but not the host. Ah, quite true. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/28 "2009-10-21T20:35:42Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > This is true, but you can get up, walk along with everyone, and cross your arms. In most parishes this is a clear signal for “Bless me,” and they will do so without offering you the Host. The **bandit** is correct, and this is one way to handle it without standing out like a sore thumb. FWIW, Orthodox are entitled to receive Catholic communion; it’s their own church stopping them. And many other churches believe in the Real Presence in communion, but are not welcome to receive Catholic communion. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/29 "2009-10-21T20:46:50Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I shoot weddings for a living How much meat do you get off of one of those? ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/30 "2009-10-21T21:03:08Z")
> [@Shot From Guns](#): > > Ah, quite true. Oh second read, I realize the emphasis I added may have been very rude of me. I apologize. > [@Chronos](#): > > To make it as simple as possible: There’s nothing wrong with just sitting in the pew quietly and respectfully the whole time. If you want to stand and kneel when everyone else does, or join in the songs, or walk up for Communion with everyone else (but not partake), that’s all fine, but not necessary. Though I recommend standing for a practical reason: it’s hard to see or hear if you don’t! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/31 "2009-10-21T21:13:00Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Oh second read, I realize the emphasis I added may have been very rude of me. I apologize. Maybe, but it was in response to a comment of mine that could have been construed as insulting to you (you were, after all, contributing something new). So, apologies and hearty handshakes all around, then? ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/32 "2009-10-21T21:17:54Z")
Also, I should add that you shouldn’t be surprised to see people who don’t know anyone in either wedding party. It is a Mass and thus open to everyone. I actually had a friend who was worried about missing Mass as he had to work on Sunday, he was a nurse, and couldn’t make it to any of the Saturday ones. We drive by a church and saw a wedding about to start. So, we stopped, went to Mass, said congratulations to the families, and left. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/33 "2009-10-21T21:30:51Z")
I come from a long line of Catholics and as a result, have been to many Catholic weddings (15? 20? maybe more). Not every Catholic wedding includes a full mass; mine didn’t. It was on Saturday morning and we had two readings and the Gospel, then the priest gave a beautiful homily, then we did the candle-lighting thing for the mothers of the bride & groom, a couple prayers, exchange of rings and vows, and Bob’s your uncle. No communion. We were in the limo on the way to the reception in less than an hour. The upside is, short ceremony and the party starts earlier. Downside is, you wake up the next day, your first day as a married couple, and go back to church for a regular service. The way to get around this is to have the ceremony later in the afternoon on Saturday, so it can be a full mass and it counts for the weekly mass attendance. And then your reception can go long, since you’re the last one of the day and they don’t have to turn the room around for the next gig. However, the later receptions tend to be more expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/34 "2009-10-21T21:50:06Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > You’ll know what to do by watching the little old lady in front of you, though. It’s customary here for the sitting/kneeling/standing instructions to be printed in the wedding booklet. Then the non-Catholics (and those Catholics who haven’t been to mass in such a long time that they’ve forgotten) can know what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/35 "2009-10-22T00:31:42Z")
To be honest, though, the “watch the little old lady in front of you” method is what most actual Catholics do at a regular mass, too. Occasionally you’ll get an amusing moment when one of the little old ladies gets it wrong, and the congregation finds themselves half-standing, half-kneeling for a few confused moments. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/36 "2009-10-22T00:34:44Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > To be honest, though, the “watch the little old lady in front of you” method is what most actual Catholics do at a regular mass, too. Occasionally you’ll get an amusing moment when one of the little old ladies gets it wrong, and the congregation finds themselves half-standing, half-kneeling for a few confused moments. It’s funny 'cuz it’s true. I watched my (little old lady) grandmother whenever I was in church. You can’t go wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/37 "2009-10-22T02:45:22Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Apropos of nothing (other than the fact that this thread references Catholicism), what is the sacramental wine like? Soft and tannic like a good Pinot Noir? Sweet and juicy like a good Sangria? > > Enquiring (Protestant) minds want to know! The wine at my church is a blush, like a white zin. I’ve been to some churches where the wine was almost hard-cider ish. But the most common, IME, is some sort of blush. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/38 "2009-10-22T02:49:37Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > To be honest, though, the “watch the little old lady in front of you” method is what most actual Catholics do at a regular mass, too. Perhaps in your neck of the woods. But here I’d say that the vast bulk of regular mass-going Catholics themselves know when to stand/sit/kneel. In any event, the clutch of little old lady parishioners isn’t likely to be in the front pews at a wedding. Hence the usefulness of having the directions written in the booklets. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/39 "2009-10-22T03:30:48Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Apropos of nothing (other than the fact that this thread references Catholicism), what is the sacramental wine like? Soft and tannic like a good Pinot Noir? Sweet and juicy like a good Sangria? > > Enquiring (Protestant) minds want to know! Whatever the priest in that parish likes\*. Or can afford – they use hefty quantities each Sunday. Generally something bland and inoffensive – those also tend to be cheaper. \*But often the priest will keep ‘the good stuff’ for his own use at home, using a more generic inexpensive wine for services. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620/40 "2009-10-22T04:35:03Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Apropos of nothing (other than the fact that this thread references Catholicism), what is the sacramental wine like? Soft and tannic like a good Pinot Noir? Sweet and juicy like a good Sangria? > > Enquiring (Protestant) minds want to know! Sangria is not wine, it’s a cocktail. Some locations use red wine (often watered down by half); moscatel (a sweet white) is very popular as well. There’s specific brands which are sold as “Mass wine” but the priest can use any wine. Watching my paternal grandmother in Mass would have worked; the maternal one watches her own daughter and every time she’s taken by surprise when there’s bits where other people kneel or stand and Mom doesn’t (medical problems)… so be careful with that method. Please do not go up if you won’t take Communion, you’re just slowing things down and anybody who thinks ill of you for not walking up is an arse (with my apologies to behinds). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-catholic-wedding-ceremonies-please/514620.md?page=3)