# Tell me about the roommate system in the US **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2015, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006 "2015-10-09T07:18:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/61 "2015-12-21T17:05:23Z")
> [@Barrett\_Bonden](#): > > Why head-to-heel? I’ve shared beds with other women, and never once wished I could be up close and personal with their feet. “Your genitals are still lined up!” – Seinfeld ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/62 "2015-12-21T17:49:46Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > I’m seeing what I’d consider roommate ads on [craigslist](https://amsterdam.craigslist.org/search/roo) - is that just thought of as something weird that only foreigners would use?. As I said, student grants DO permit the recepient living with flatmates. For all other kinds of non-institutionalized social assistance, you have to have your own front door. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/63 "2015-12-21T18:06:08Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Its also safer for a female to have a roommate. Um, you can’t make that blanket statement. A whole lot of female roomies either bring home new friends made at the bar or nightclub, and/or have a dodgy boyfriend. I always felt safer on my own. I know who’s in the house and when. I know all the windows and doors are locked. I know no drunks are coming home at ungodly hours with six new friends. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/64 "2015-12-21T18:15:51Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > As I said, student grants DO permit the recepient living with flatmates. For all other kinds of non-institutionalized social assistance, you have to have your own front door. But what about people who aren’t using social assistance? In other words - a 28-year-old. They’re out of school. They have a lower paying job. They make too much money for social assistance, yet they can not afford an entire apartment on their salary. Where do they live? Do they just stay with their parents? ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/65 "2015-12-21T18:39:43Z")
Frankly, dealing with dorm living with a shared bedroom was almost the worst. It absolutely ruined a great friendship I had. Living in a house with your own bedroom but shared everything else is only marginally better. That also ruined friendships I had. If I had any other choice I would’ve lived alone but money said otherwise. I’m pretty sure that’s how it is with most Americans - it’s simply a matter of money, and not their preference. And no matter how strong your preferences are, that feeling doesn’t translate directly into money to make it happen. During my shared living travails, I made too much money for any sort of assistance but not enough to hack it on my own. And I am one of those fabled Americans who spent all 4 years of undergrad in the dorms. I was directly across from the hall I spent 60-90% of my classes in, so I could wake up literally minutes before class and be there in time. As opposed to any other option, which would take much longer walking or waiting for the bus. Since it was all hellish shared living anyway I just stuck with the dorm for its location. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/66 "2015-12-21T18:47:04Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Um, you can’t make that blanket statement. A whole lot of female roomies either bring home new friends made at the bar or nightclub, and/or have a dodgy boyfriend. > > I always felt safer on my own. I know who’s in the house and when. I know all the windows and doors are locked. I know no drunks are coming home at ungodly hours with six new friends. Well to each their own. I was glad to have roommates because I lived in a dodgy area and my roommate and I worked different hours so really one of us was always there. An empty house attracts trouble. ---
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/67 "2015-12-21T19:06:31Z")
Well, that’s the effect of living in a dodgy area, I’d say. My last housemate situation was sheer hell. We lived in a decent part of town, but my housemates were not that concerned with security and left doors and windows unlocked all the time. I feel like my current situation is the safest. I live in a one bedroom apartment in a small garden complex where most of the units face the open courtyard. Someone’s always around, someone’s always awake. I don’t mind a little noise; I like the feeling of neighbors nearby. Since we’re near a major university, there are a lot of students so people keep all hours. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/68 "2015-12-21T19:21:34Z")
> [@Future\_Londonite](#): > > It’s not poverty-related, it’s just that London is so effing expensive - not just buying but also renting. You might not like the word poverty here but it is certainly economics that is causing the people to live together. This is actually the main problem when “household” incomes and other economic statistics are collected and reported. In poorer times a household will contain more people and in richer times they move out separately. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/69 "2015-12-21T21:12:22Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > Yes, there’s a classic scene in the beginning of _Moby-Dick_ about this. > > I guess mattresses must have been expensive back then. They were, and especially in frontier areas they might be hard to come by. You either slept in bed with your roommate, or you slept on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2015, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/70 "2015-12-21T21:45:07Z")
As a student “op kamers” in Rotterdam the situation was effectively that of flatmates - individual bedroom, shared everything else. While sharing a bedroom was rare in Holland, I know Nyenrode (Dutch business school) did it that way, likely as part of a deliberate attempt to mimic US college settings. And for sure in the Dutch military there were no single rooms for conscripts. European hostels, which often sleep a number of “strangers” in a room, seem to feel odd to Americans, whether they experienced dorm life or not. Dorm roommates are accepted in the US I think because that’s just “the way it is”. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/71 "2015-12-22T05:34:35Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > They were, and especially in frontier areas they might be hard to come by. You either slept in bed with your roommate, or you slept on the floor. Well on the frontier you had limited space. Cabins were very small and if it had a seperate bedroom or a sleeping loft, it was very tiny so only room for one bed. A mattress was usually a “tick” stuffed with straw, feathers, or corncobs. My father had 2 brothers and they all 3 slept in the same bed. And thing is a “bedroom” was only for sleeping. People didnt go hide away in them. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/72 "2015-12-22T10:45:52Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > In other words - a 28-year-old. They’re out of school. They have a lower paying job. They make too much money for social assistance, yet they can not afford an entire apartment on their salary. Where do they live? Do they just stay with their parents? You answered your own question: > [@amarinth](#): > > Also, it may matter that in the US, there’s a huge gap between “earning so little that you’re on welfare” and “earning enough to comfortably pay rent on a studio apartment in a major city.” If those two numbers are closer together (or even overlap) in the Netherlands - that might add to some of the confusion here. Yes, those numbers are much closer together in the Netherlands. Minimum wage is higher in the Netherlands, housing is cheaper and subsidized. If a 28-year old has a fulltime job, he can get an -small- apartment of his own. Most people in that situation would live in their student room untill they moved in with a boyfriend or girlfriend. So in a way, they do have a kind of flatmates. Lower educated people, who don’t move to a city to study there, might indeed live with their parents untill they get at job, marry and set up a home of their own. They usually marry younger, in their early twenties. But rarely do young working people follow the US model of renting a house and then seeking housemates. I started this thread because I do think that is a shame, in a way. The Netherlands see an emerging [discussion on basic income](http://qz.com/473779/several-dutch-cities-want-to-give-residents-a-no-strings-attached-basic-income/). If that would become a reality, I think much more people would live as flatmates. It can be unpleasant, but it can be a great solution, for instance for two single moms who are good friends form a “[mommune](http://www.babble.com/mom/single-mom-cohabitation-shared-housing-mommune/)”. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/73 "2015-12-22T11:28:34Z")
I think it’s partially financial (as much as the Dutch complain, we’re still _really_ well off compared to most other places) and partially cultural. For example, here in Italy many students share a bedroom between two or sometimes even more people. That for me (Dutch) is like, no way no how. But I think Italy and Mediterranean countries have a different concept of personal space. Even in everyday life they are much closer to each other, with hugging and kissing and touching etc. Me, like a good Dutchie, rent a tiny studio, and my neighbours, a couple, kind of feel sorry for me being “alone” and say I can always drop by for coffee and company. I love living along, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/74 "2015-12-22T15:04:03Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Well, the waiting list is for county subsidized housing. That kind of housing is cheap, good, the upkeep is good, and the houses are often in a prized central location. Most people enroll on that waiting list when they leave their parent’s home. The might be eligble for such housing 7 to 15 years later. And people have no problem subsidizing other people’s, who are obviously better off than they are themselves since they’re the ones in the coveted subsidized housing, housing for 7 to 15 years while they living in the bad part of town in a tiny apartment? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/75 "2015-12-22T17:51:30Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > But rarely do young working people follow the US model of renting a house and then seeking housemates. Just so you know, it’s often the reverse with friends first deciding to share an apartment and then finding the apartment. I’m really not sure there is one predominant model - there are all different ways that people end up sharing. You’ve got 1) a person who owns/rents a house or apartment and rents out a single extra bedroom 2) landlords who rent out each bedroom individually , where the current occupants have no say in choosing the other tenants (and no responsibility for that portion of the rent- the landlord collects rent from each person separately ) 3) people who rent an apartment and then look for roommates 4) people who decide to rent an apartment together and then find the apartment. Then there are people who originally started out in group 4 and have to find a replacement when one moves out … ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/76 "2015-12-22T20:20:33Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well to each their own. I was glad to have roommates because I lived in a dodgy area and my roommate and I worked different hours so really one of us was always there. An empty house attracts trouble. If this was true for you as a man why did you write that it was specifically important for women to have a roommate for safety? Why not men? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2015, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006/77 "2015-12-26T04:29:04Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > Yes, I stayed in a dorm all four years. But only in a double for two. I’m not sure what’s typical. Many schools don’t have the dorm capacity for more than a year or two of students. Me too. But I had a single all but the first semester my freshman year. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-the-roommate-system-in-the-us/734006.md?page=3)