I am not a coward and I don’t lose my head in emergencies. I’ve seen other people around me lose it and I just haven’t yet. It’s just a trait I have, like being able to curl your tongue or do the Vulcan sign with your fingers.
I know literally everything about music; I know more about music than any other person I’ve ever met, online or off, and I’m on message boards with people that trade the most esoteric stuff you’ve never heard of. Moreso, I’m not just a “music fan,” rather, this knowledge extends to music history, music theory, recording equipment and the recording process, instruments, etc. Speaking of which, I can play most instruments competently, and am particularly adept at several. And then there’s the actual artists…I can talk your ear off about my 20 favorite primitive blues artists only to turn around and talk about my favorite rap singles of the past month, my favorite electro-punk bands from the late seventies, compilation-only garage bands from Ohio from the mid-eighties, and then write a 15-page article on the link between Danny Elfman’s soundtrack to The Forbidden Zone, Steve Reich’s Electric Guitar Phase, and Claude Debussy. Then turn around and do the same thing for Missy Elliot and the Velvet Underground. Yeah, I’m “Music Guy.”
I can take charge when someone to take charge is needed; at the same time, if someone with actual alpha genes and his head screwed on right is around, I’m perfectly happy to let them take charge. But I do have a problem following orders I don’t understand (like this boss I have right now, who hired a team of creative go-getters but wants to make all the decisions herself and is not interested in hearing ideas… someone please explain it to me? Or don’t bother, I’m changing jobs)
I can shuffle, twist and clean up data like nobody’s business. It doesn’t even have to be data I understand, although that of course helps. Recently I cross-referenced some stuff for the ladies in Finance and handed it back to them with a remark on trends I’d noticed; they looked up reports from previous periods and the same trends were there, only nobody had seen them. I’m not sure what the trends meant, but apparently they’re very exciting if you’re Finance.
One of the IT guys who sits close-by had the red-eye today. I handed him a dose of eyedrops and he informed me that I’m wonderful. His boss agreed.
Often, people get stuck on details. Let me use a parable. Say they’ve been using bottled water and the bottled water came with a screw-on cap. Now they’re getting a water fountain and they insist that the water fountain must have a screw-on cap, because, you see, “our water has always had a screw-on cap”. I’m good at figuring out where the problem comes from and at selling them the notion that “water fountains do not need a screw-on cap thanks to the spigots. Spigots are Good For You.” This is particularly important when I’m involved with a bunch of people who speak different languages (Factorish, Consultish and Financish is a common combo; sometimes we get Programish thrown in, for extra fun).
I have built more simulated nuclear weapons from more countries than anyone else I’ve ever heard of.
I am the most grumpy person I know. It’s an art perfected over many years.
Oh, and I can breathe fire too.
Are you a Scarey Faerie Dragon perchance?
No, but at work I’m known as The Gatekeeper, in a “none shall pass” kinda way!
I really can draw. On a good day, with the right conditions, I’ll draw a little kid’s portrait and their Mom will just bust out bawling.
I’m good at cutting hair, especially my own.
I have really fantastic taste in music. My collection of Christmas CDs is out of this world.
I have fantastic, amazing kids.
I’m a great father. That doesn’t mean I don’t discipline my kids- I do, but I balance it and I sincerely believe my wife and I are raising our kids about as well as anyone can.
I’m a talented home renovator.
I am a generous and skilled lover, and have received unsolicited praise from many past lovers. I have also gotten laid by friends of past lovers because the women I had been with had told them of my mad skilz. 
I’m in great physical shape for my age.
I’m a great public speaker. If summoned on the spur of the moment, I can stand in front of any sized group of people and speak about the topic at hand, without nervousness.
I have a reputation with my friends and coworkers for “knowing everything.” (Without getting on their tits that way, I guess. Okay, there’s that one guy who rolls his eyes and calls me “Rain Man” all the time. I think I get on his tits a bit.)
I like hanging out here because it allows me to feel below-the-median in that department.
Ditto here, but I suspect this impression has a lot to do with selection bias. I’m sure that all the that women I slept with only once and whom found my technique “creepy and infantile” or summat didn’t go out of their way to let me know what went wrong.
I’m a great procrastinator. I can indefinitely postpone anything, even absolutely vital stuff. Hell, I could put off my own heart transplantation.
I am another of The Spelling People.
I’m no VC03, but if it was played on the radio during the sixties, seventies, or eighties, there’s a good chance I can identify it. Since I know a lot of people IRL who don’t remember this stuff, I feel smart when they ask me about it.
I have the longest, strongest, cleanest, prettiest fingernails in the world!
I have great taste in music. It’s something I’m very proud of. Lots of people (outside the Dope anyway) trust and respect my taste in music and I’ve changed people’s lives for the good, literally and no kidding, through my taste in music (in a they-wouldn’t-have-met-this-or-that-person-and-gotten-married and all the good things that can come from that if not for me kind of way). That’s about all I’m good for. I also have great taste in movies, but that hasn’t impacted anyone’s life.
I have great taste in shoes and my shoe collection has carefully cultivated and selected. I get compliments daily on my footwear and it always makes me happy. (which is an incredibly shallow thing to take pride in, but there it is.)
I also have great hair, a gorgeous color which almost makes up for my incredible lack of skin pigmentation.
I also row and have competed on the national level and placed which, considering my chubby and slothful teen years, is still amazing to me.
I’m really, really good at sucking up. tremorviolet, I’ve never seen such gorgeous hair before in my entire life. And pinkfreud, your hand is absolutely stunning.
I’m the best effects artist in the games industry. It’s rare that I can spot an effect in a game and not say, “I can do better than that, for cheaper, and on a crappier system.”
Wow, you really are excellent! 
I’m VERY persuasive. I can talk just about anyone into just about anything.
I also have a great rack.
As a fellow Marylander who has also been complimented on his drinking ability, perhaps we should meet up and provide an early Christmas present for a lucky bar owner? It must be noted that when I moved out of DC, the bar I frequented went out of business within five months (they claim they lost their lease, but I know better).
Besides my drinking ability, I have few other exceptional skills. I’m generally better-read than most, and know more about politics and public policy, but I’d say I’m only in the top ten percent in these areas. In groups of real experts, I feel quite inadequate.
One thing that I used to brag about was that I could say something to almost anyone and make them angry. For some reason, people doubted me and questioned this ability. For an equally strange reason, I used to feel that I needed to prove it. Let’s just say that I always won those discussions, which if I were wiser I would not have tried to win.
I am a perfect asshole.