# Tell me about your unplanned pregnancy. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944 "2011-01-25T18:40:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/21 "2011-01-25T21:11:30Z")
Gaaah! 20 WEEKS. _Weeks_. Not months. Sorry! ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/22 "2011-01-25T21:36:37Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > When I found out I was pregnant with Whatsit Jr. (now age 9) I wasn’t married, Mr. Whatsit (then Boyfriend Whatsit) had just been laid off from his job, and we were living in a little one-bedroom house that was totally, totally inappropriate for kids. To say that the timing was bad would be an understatement. > > It totally worked out OK, though. And you will be OK, too. No matter what you decide. For reals? Change the gender of the kids and subtract a year, and that was my situation exactly—not married, BF not working, one-BR apartment living over a pizza shop and a liquor store. Honestly, **overlyverbose** , I envy you a little. We were never in a position where _deciding_ to have a 3rd was going to happen, but I am always a little bit sad that we stopped at 2. A surprise would have taken care of that nicely. 😉 Good luck with whatever you decide. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/23 "2011-01-25T22:05:54Z")
My daughter was a surprise. And while we wanted two, my son had just arrived (he was adopted and arrived home at 6 months) and I was not ready to have two within a year. There was the possibility that the agency might recommend re-placing our son with another family - to have two children arrive in the home within a year is not an ideal adoption circumstance and can lead to issues with attachment - both with the parents and the kids. She is 11, he is twelve, and the family is well attached and bonded. Well, the kids hate each other, but its normal sibling hate - not serious dysfunctional hate. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/24 "2011-01-25T22:54:27Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > I just thought of something else kind of funny (my sense of humor is returning - this is good): in the thread about ideal child spacing, I said I wished my kids had been no more than 18 months apart, but no more than 2 years. I guess you should be careful what you wish for. > > If we have this one, my two youngest will be just under 2 years apart, give or take. There are almost six years between our first and second. Between the second and third? 11 days short of two years. It wasn’t the way I wanted it, but it did work. How you feel is okay. You’ll figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/25 "2011-01-25T23:06:33Z")
It will be all right, regardless of what you choose to do. (And glad your sense of humor is returning.) My unplanned one is in my lap nursing right now. Her father and I were seriously dating, engaged, but not yet married, when … TA DAH! Not such an unusual situation, except that we were both 40, I thought I was finished with reproducing, and he had been told many years earlier that he would never father a child, thanks to some previous medical issues. Today, we are very happily married, and proud parents of 10-month-old Lily - who is also doted upon by her 10-year-old sister and her 13-year-old brother. (We’re just hoping that we get her out of diapers before we need Depends!) ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/26 "2011-01-25T23:23:05Z")
No pregnancy of mine has been planned. My youngest is 6 and I got pregnant with him by the “rebound guy” after my divorce. He was supposed to have had a vasectomy. I cried and stomped my feet and yelled and screamed. I didn’t like being pregnant, I was fresh off heartbreak, I had just bought a new pair of size four jeans for the first time, and I had just gotten rid of the diapers with his older brother. I know no one (probably) is going to come in here and say “damn I regret my kid” and I’m not going to say that either. It can be hard. But I really can’t imagine it any other way. I got “fixed” when I had him and I’ve always known he is the end, last one out of Saigon, empty manger, no more babies point and maybe that (and maybe a little guilt over how I handled the news of his presence) has given us a bond that is a bit different - it’s cuddlier; it’s made me more affectionate with him and his brother. I’ve been proud of how his older brother has shown such a gentleness and sense of humor in our little family. It’s the three us and that has made it sometimes difficult and more loyal to one another than I would have imagined. I did not want children, but I am so appreciative of how the experience of both my boys has changed me. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/27 "2011-01-26T06:34:55Z")
My “surprise” is 19 years old (as of last September). Up until the time I got pregnant, I thought an unplanned pregnancy would be the absolute end of my life. It all worked out okay. Sure, things were very difficult financially for awhile, but the time when they’re small doesn’t last that long. It’ll be okay, really! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/28 "2011-01-26T08:39:45Z")
Whatever you choose, it will be OK. I wish I’d known about Planned Parenthood when I was first in the US, as a graduate student - I also think that as **Ferret Herder** already mentioned they’re likely to be the best option for many women in this kind of situations, both because of the affordability and because they offer both options and push none. Whatever way you go, it will be OK. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/29 "2011-01-26T09:56:12Z")
It occurs sometime in the future - when I’m so stinking rich my girlfriend, who is only after me for my money (which is OK 'cause I’m only there for her tits), announces that my vasectomy failed. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/30 "2011-01-26T12:40:56Z")
Thanks again for all your support - I knew I could count on the Dope! My husband and I talked last night. We’re going to talk to the doc tomorrow to see how far along and whether it’s healthy and go from there. Assuming it’s healthy, we’re both leaning heavily toward keeping it, though with serious reservations. Still, you’re all right. It’s not the end of the world, and I could be in a much, much worse situation than I am now. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/31 "2011-01-26T12:48:28Z")
**overlyverbose** , after re-reading I forgot to add my support and luck wishes. Please know that I meant to make you smile, I wasn’t making light of your situation. Best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/32 "2011-01-26T13:52:05Z")
Sounds like you’re in need of a prescription of chocolate and ice cream! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/33 "2011-01-26T14:23:48Z")
Would that be chocolate ice cream or melted chocolate poured over ice cream, **Quartz**? ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/34 "2011-01-26T14:37:50Z")
My kids were unplanned, and every time it took me months to adjust, accept, and realize we’d find a way to manage. Your reaction sounds pretty normal. Don’t be hard on yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/35 "2011-01-26T15:32:49Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Would that be chocolate ice cream or melted chocolate poured over ice cream, **Quartz**? Why not both? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/36 "2011-01-26T16:34:44Z")
Boy, do I understand. Both of our children were, well, not on our schedule. My cycles were regular, so we were on the pill, a contraceptive foam, and rhythm method. All at once. And both times, I became pregnant. The first was frightening, in that we found out the exact night my husband was planning to propose. He has a very strict family, and we figured we were in for it when we told them. But they welcomed the news and were all at the hospital when he was born. Our daughter is 13 months younger than our son, and as they have grown up, we think it’s the perfect age difference. They are the best of friends, in the same school grade, same activities at church, and even play the same instrument: and they love being around each other. Most of the time, anyway. 😃 No matter what you decide, it will all work out. And you have the support of all of us, no matter what. {{{ **overlyverbose** }}} ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/37 "2011-01-26T17:11:49Z")
It will be OK, **Overly** , it will, it will _it will_! I’m the proud owner of a [darling 6-year-old boy,](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v180/Soileau/blog%20photos/IMG_3869-1.jpg?t=1296061849) which I delivered about a month shy of my 41st birthday. Upon reading the pee stick, I burst into tears! Such an old ma! But now I think I’ll be young forever. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/38 "2011-01-26T17:18:38Z")
Both my girls were unplanned. First pregnancy I was 18 and just married for two months. It was nothing but wonderful. Father and I didn’t last more than a few months so it was just us together for years and years. Now she’s 21 and we’re very very close. I had a miscarriage when I actually tried to get pregnant when I was married for the second time so I won’t go into those details, but I was told without surgery I’d probably never carry to term or even get pregnant because I had such scarring in and around my girlbits. Imagine my surprise when I was 35, enjoying the single life and my fun job in construction, finding out I was pregnant and the father was a guy I really liked but had no serious relationship with! I almost had an abortion. It wouldn’t have traumatized me, having been through it at 15. I really didn’t want to be pregnant again and of course I couldn’t work at all, probably shouldn’t have been in the first place given all the chemicals I was exposed to. I don’t know why I didn’t. I just kinda lived in denial until it was too late, to be honest. But it’s turned out great. My little Bellita is an amazing girl. She was born with sensory issues and language comprehension issues but at six she has become such a charmer. I’ve never regretted anything, even when things were really really bad. And now things are really really good so it’s all worked out for the best. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/39 "2011-01-26T18:15:33Z")
My mom was forty when she had me (unplanned). I think she never really bounced back from the post-partum depression. ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/40 "2011-01-26T18:53:33Z")
Wow! I could have written that OP. Our first child was unplanned but hoped for, our second (three years later) was planned, and only six months into enjoying that baby, I found out I was pregnant again. He became our only son, who is sixteen now and six feet tall. Looking back, I don’t know how I coped with three that close together, but having friends with babies helped. Each mom took one morning a week and kept all the kids, while the others could do errands. That was great, and realizing that diapers and bottles don’t last forever helped, too. I’ll repeat the mantra from above: It Will Be Okay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944.md?page=3)