# Tell me about your unplanned pregnancy. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944 "2011-01-25T18:40:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/41 "2011-01-26T20:32:12Z")
You know what is right for your- trust yourselves and it will be ok. You know you’ve always got us to moan to anyway! ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/42 "2011-01-26T22:40:37Z")
Whatever you choose will be right. A good friend of mine did not have her surprise 3rd child. It was the right thing for her. What a great husband, to respond with laughter. It reminds me of when I rang my parents to tell them of my (very) unplanned pregnancy and told dad I had a problem, I was pregnant. Dad, who had been my biggest supporter of not wanting the responsibility of motherhood for the past 32 years replied; “Ok, you’re pregnant. Now, what’s this problem you’ve got?” It meant rearranging my whole life, but she’s still the best surprise I ever got. Hugs. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/43 "2011-01-27T08:12:56Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Why not both? 🙂 I like how you think 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/44 "2011-01-27T11:38:08Z")
I’ve known so many women who’ve gone through unplanned pregnancies and you know what? It almost always turns out okay. Hardly ever easy, but I think almost every case I have heard about they feel they made the right decision, whatever it was. My littlest sister was a ‘surprise’ (as my parents like to say) and of course she is awesome. My parents certainly weren’t planning on having a third child, didn’t want kids close together (I am 5 years older than second sister - little sisters are 25 months apart, so almost the same spacing as in your case), and we never had much money, but it all worked out fine, even given the other crap life threw at us. And I never wanted to go to college, so my parents only have to pay for two educations anyway. 🙂 My boss just had her third child in December - 17 and 11 years after the first two (and all three were totally unplanned/unanticipated)! At least you have a normal spacing if you’re having another baby. And it sounds like you have a great husband. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/45 "2011-01-27T17:41:02Z")
When boy #1 was just shy of 16 months old, I was late. Like … two weeks late. I was on the mini-pill and breastfeeding, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Ours are about 22 months apart and now that they are 3 and almost 5 they are the best of friends and thick as thieves. Whatever you choose will be the best for you all. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/46 "2011-01-27T18:56:54Z")
Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. Whatever you decide, it will absolutely, absolutely be OK. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/47 "2011-01-27T19:56:42Z")
A small part of me is thinking “yay! another half brownie in the world ;)” That said…I know you’ve mentioned how much childcare you do, how your husband sleeps a lot on the weekends and that means you have the kids with you all the time…how important your career is to you and how much it costs to keep the kids in Motessori and give them a good education. Those are all really serious considerations to have. Can you survive with a 3rd child all day at the mall or grocery shopping? While you cook dinner? I was 8 when the Littlest Bluth was born; I could give him a bottle or change his diaper or play with him. Your son will be 5; that’s still a very young, needy age. If having a 3rd would impact things like saving for college for your two or cause your career to truly stagnate, I would really think hard about it. Plus there’s your boss; you’re the provider of the health insurance and I’m sure you’ve read many stories on the dope about women being fired, laid off, downsized, etc for having another kid. It wouldn’t be wise to risk losing your job or health insurance for an unplanned kid. My mom found out she was pregnant with the Littlest Bluth at 39, a total accident. My dad and her were supposed to go to a parent training class the next month (to learn helpful parenting techniques, and unlearn Indian ones). They never made it to the class…and even if they had, where’s the incentive for him to improve? The threat of you leaving him if he’s not a good parent is out the window when you have a 3rd. We had a rubber ball incident like you had, too. It’s not something to take lightly just because it’s in the past. It _will_ happen again. And his psyche will be shaped by it. The Littlest Bluth is great; he’s hilarious and smart and I cherish our relationship. He actually values his life far more than your average 15 year old because he knows he was a surprise. But my father’s parenting never did change probably as a result of him coming along. And his relationship with our middle brother - the first son - has always been rough and likely will never improve. And it breaks my mother’s heart. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/48 "2011-01-27T22:05:38Z")
**lindsay** sweetie… this is one of those threads that you probably should have stayed out of. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/49 "2011-01-27T22:27:11Z")
And the plot thickens… I went to bed last night with cramping and a teeny little bit of bleeding. Woke up and there’s a light trickle. Got to mid-morning and passed a clot. I’ve been bleeding very lightly – but fairly bright blood and one more very small clot and occasional teeny bits of tissue – and cramping on and off in my abdomen, back and hips ever since. I spoke to my doctor today and got an internal exam, and his verdict is that he doesn’t know if this is a viable pregnancy or not. I’ve had a blood test to confirm; I’ll get the results tomorrow and maybe have more lab work next week. A selfish, horrible part of me is hoping I’ll miscarry, if only so someone else, even nature, will make the decision we’re facing for us. Another part of me is concerned and a little sad. Yet another part of me is wondering what happens if this is a threatened miscarriage – do I want to go through the steps we’d have to take to prevent a miscarriage, knowing that this wasn’t planned? Sometimes I hate, hate, hate being an adult. And thanks for your support everyone – this is a really confusing time. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/50 "2011-01-27T23:01:47Z")
At this point a miscarriage is usually nature’s way of dealing with serious defects- sorry to say, but probably better to let it take it’s course. Also understandable that knowing how to feel about it is confusing. I never do this, but (((hugs))) to you, **ov** , and your husband, too. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/51 "2011-01-28T01:16:43Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > **lindsay** sweetie… this is one of those threads that you probably should have stayed out of. Why? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/52 "2011-01-28T01:30:53Z")
Well, I’m biased, being pregnant myself but… pregnancy (and parenthood, I’m sure) is a huge morass of guilt and self-doubt and failing to meet your own expectations. In this situation, the last thing **overlyverbose** needs is somebody who doesn’t have kids marching into the thread and lecturing her about how keeping this baby would negatively impact the lives of the others. Lord, as if that wasn’t already in her head? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/53 "2011-01-28T02:08:11Z")
Perhaps some of the positive comments were already in her head, too. I know the thread title is “Tell me about **your** unplanned pregnancy,” but I’m not sure an anecdote about **an** unplanned pregnancy, that the OP can relate first hand, is out of line. Some parents do fail, you know. They’ve been the inspiration for many a thread around here. I can’t see **overly** being a bad parent, but she’s not necessarily in the best situation with this pregnancy (assuming it’s still on). ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/54 "2011-01-28T02:39:39Z")
**overlyverbose** , None of what you’re feeling is selfish or horrible. All of it is normal, natural and okay. You are entitled to feel all those things, and maybe would, even if you had planned this pregnancy. Try to be gentle with yourself. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/55 "2011-01-28T03:43:46Z")
I came in to post about my most loved #3 surprisejoe, and now after reading your last post I just want to say I hope you’re doing ok and take good care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/56 "2011-01-28T13:01:41Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > A small part of me is thinking “yay! another half brownie in the world ;)” > > That said…I know you’ve mentioned how much childcare you do, how your husband sleeps a lot on the weekends and that means you have the kids with you all the time…how important your career is to you and how much it costs to keep the kids in Motessori and give them a good education. Those are all really serious considerations to have. Can you survive with a 3rd child all day at the mall or grocery shopping? While you cook dinner? \ Those are certainly considerations to keep in mind, and something I’ve thought about. We’re starting a parenting class next week on parenting 4&5 year olds (my son’s age), and it never occurred to my husband not to attend when I told him about the possibility of a third. And my husband’s relationship with my son is improving - it’s light years better than it was during the infamous ball incident, though backsliding is absolutely a concern. Where I’ve fallen right now is that I’ll just wait to get more information, then we’ll figure out what to do. Given the excruciating cramps and bleeding, at this point I feel like the decision may be out of our hands anyway. If that’s the case, we’ll probably mourn a little - no one likes the loss of life, especially if you were the one carrying it inside you - but be a little relieved. If it’s still viable, we’ll just have to go from there. I should know today what the blood test has to say, though even then they might want me to get another one for a more definitive answer. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/57 "2011-01-28T14:28:17Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Well, I’m biased, being pregnant myself but… \*\*pregnancy (and parenthood, I’m sure) is a huge morass of guilt and self-doubt and failing to meet your own expectations. \*\*In this situation, the last thing **overlyverbose** needs is somebody who doesn’t have kids marching into the thread and lecturing her about how keeping this baby would negatively impact the lives of the others. Lord, as if that wasn’t already in her head? I’m sorry, but WTF? I’ve seen this anti-children/procreation attitude on these boards a few times and it just baffles me. Is this an American thing? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/58 "2011-01-28T14:32:16Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > I’m sorry, but WTF? > > I’ve seen this anti-children/procreation attitude on these boards a few times and it just baffles me. > Is this an American thing? Is it an American thing to have self-doubts about the quality of your own parenting? I don’t know. I had always assumed it was fairly universal to worry that you’re not doing as good a job raising your kids as you could be. I wouldn’t call it an “anti-child/procreation” attitude, though; I’m not quite sure how you’re reading that from **Sattua** ’s comments. **overlyverbose** , I have great sympathy for all the stress and turmoil this is putting you through. Finding out you are unexpectedly pregnant is rough enough, but then starting to make your peace with it and finding out, oh, maybe it’s not happening after all… I can see how it might be a relief, but it’s also sort of a roller-coaster ride that you’d probably rather not be on. Take care of yourself, OK? ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/59 "2011-01-28T14:36:10Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Is it an American thing to have self-doubts about the quality of your own parenting? I don’t know. I had always assumed it was fairly universal to worry that you’re not doing as good a job raising your kids as you could be. I wouldn’t call it an “anti-child/procreation” attitude, though; I’m not quite sure how you’re reading that from **Sattua** ’s comments. I _think_ I may have read something that wasn’t there… ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944/60 "2011-01-28T14:49:39Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Well, I’m biased, being pregnant myself but… pregnancy (and parenthood,\*\* I’m sure\*\*) So…you don’t have kids either. Classy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-about-your-unplanned-pregnancy/568944.md?page=4)