# Tell me again what it is that you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2017, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310 "2017-10-19T18:09:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/1 "2017-10-19T18:09:27Z")
> [@](#): > > We maintain a reputation for consistently delivering proven, value-added solutions that meet the most complex challenges facing our clients. Our competitive advantage is in providing state-of-the-art support service and leveraging our proprietary methodologies and processes. Strategically, we integrate our internal expertise, and the expertise of our partners, into existing processes to bring about measurable results. Where do I sign?! ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/2 "2017-10-19T18:12:35Z")
They forgot to say “vertical solutions.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/3 "2017-10-19T18:15:04Z")
“We make Word Salads!” Dressing and toppings are extra. I used to have a boss who could crank this stuff out by the ream. We wrote proposals for contract research, and he believed that there should never be any white space at the end of a section. He said it looked like you ran out of things to say, and it was better if it looked like you ran out of space. So if there was a blank half page or quarter page somewhere in the document, he would just turn on the Word Salad Shooter while his secretary typed. (This was LONG before personal computers-- we used a mainframe on the other side of the country.) When the space was filled up, she’d tell him, and they’d neatly trim off and tie up the ending like the knot on a piece of fresh sausage. He assumed no one was going to read that far anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/4 "2017-10-19T18:41:47Z")
Synergy, man. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/5 "2017-10-19T18:54:22Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > They forgot to say “vertical solutions.” They left out “technology”, too. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/6 "2017-10-19T19:18:52Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Where do I sign?! Definitely sign outside the box. At the end of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/7 "2017-10-19T19:19:54Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > They forgot to say “vertical solutions.” I wonder if they’re ‘thought leaders’. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/8 "2017-10-19T19:21:01Z")
Brings me back. Back in the days of “quality” every organization had to have a mission statement, and sitting in meetings hammering out those statements was a real treat. Oddly, the only organizations which did not do this were the ones that actually knew what they were doing and why. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/9 "2017-10-19T19:36:10Z")
Ah, Bob Nardelli must have found a new gig. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/10 "2017-10-19T20:15:49Z")
Writing this stuff _is_ my job. I make an effort to be coherent and use as few buzzwords as possible, but I still get people coming back to me all the time saying that it needs more “synergy” or “proactive”. Sometimes I just have to think of it as a creative art form. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/11 "2017-10-19T20:25:40Z")
I worked for a small family-run software company once, with 6-8 employees. The Boss went to one of those “Management \ Mumbo Jumbo” seminars once, and came back with a Mission Statement like that. I got the impression that one of the class projects (maybe the primary project) was for everybody to produce a statement like that to take back with them. It certainly had that generic one-size-fits-all look, even if it wasn’t quite the jumble of buzzwords like OP’s example. So we had a company meeting where he introduced us to our new Mission Statement. Nowhere did it mention the actual product or service that was our business — only the usual buzzwords about quality, service, customer satisfactions, blah, blah. I raised my hand and called him out on it. He had the statement mounted on a plaque facing the rest of us. He turned it around to look at it, and stared at it for a minute. I guess he got the point, because that was the last we ever heard about _that_ particular Mission Statement. IIRC, he came up with something a little better that actually mentioned the products we were making. ETA: To be more specific: I pointed out that the statement was exactly what ANY company would claim, even including our direct competitors, and said utterly nothing that might distinguish us from any of them. I think he got that point too. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/12 "2017-10-19T20:32:59Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > “We make Word Salads!” > > Dressing and toppings are extra. > > I used to have a boss who could crank this stuff out by the ream. [. . .] When the space was filled up, she’d tell him, and they’d neatly trim off and tie up the ending like the knot on a piece of fresh sausage. **He assumed no one was going to read that far anyway.** Actually, your boss was probably entirely correct about that, at least in a large number of cases. His word-salad strategy might well have been a winning strategy after all! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/13 "2017-10-19T21:47:33Z")
Weird Al Mission Statement. (Sounds similar to Suite Judy Blue Eyes) [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/GyV_UG60dD4/maxresdefault.jpg ""Weird Al" Yankovic - Mission Statement") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4) ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/14 "2017-10-20T00:40:08Z")
What? They don’t do it proactively? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/15 "2017-10-20T01:23:12Z")
Sounds like some folks just ain’t in alignment with the paradigm. Get with it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/16 "2017-10-20T02:33:56Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Actually, your boss was probably entirely correct about that, at least in a large number of cases. His word-salad strategy might well have been a winning strategy after all! :smack: He was quite successful. In his younger days as a military officer, he had routinely testified before Congress, so he was fluent in mumbo-jumbo. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/17 "2017-10-20T02:55:18Z")
My job requires me to annoy my betters, but today a name popped up of a guy whose Christmas card list I was once on, way back when I had a career. He wasn’t the person I needed to telemarket to, nor was she, so WTF, “How’s Russ doing? We haven’t talked in years.” “And you know him how?” “I used to work for [redacted].” It felt good to Out myself, even to someone below my former level. :o ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/18 "2017-10-20T03:14:57Z")
It’s almost perfect, but a phrase like “state-of-the-art support service” veers a little too close to standard English and risks accidentally conveying comprehensible meaning. Instead of their competitive advantage being “in providing state-of-the-art support service”, it should be in “providing state-of-the-art paradigms”. I’m delighted to learn that they leverage things and integrate things strategically, since a mission statement is not a mission statement without things being leveraged til they break, and strategic strategies coming out the wazoo. Another weakness, though, sad to say, is that they claim to do stuff “to bring about measurable results”. This is an unfortunate slip-up in otherwise excellent drivel, since claims of measurable results can be, like, measured – again, it starts running too close to potentially being meaningful. What they actually should be aiming to do is bootstrap leading-edge initiatives to create synergies. I’m sure they could leverage their own synergies to come up with something even better if they called an all-hands and blue-skied this out of the box. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/19 "2017-10-20T03:40:20Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Writing this stuff _is_ my job. I make an effort to be coherent and use as few buzzwords as possible, but I still get people coming back to me all the time saying that it needs more “synergy” or “proactive”. Sometimes I just have to think of it as a creative art form. You poor person. I’d rather have a job mucking out horse stalls - horses with diarrhea. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310/20 "2017-10-20T11:06:26Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Sounds like some folks just ain’t in alignment with the paradigm. Get with it! 😃 One must not be in alignment with the paradigm: the paradigm must be PRINCE2ly Agileized by repeated realignment with our business-partners’ goals and objectives. Sheesh, it’s like you’ve never facilitated a brainstorm! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-again-what-it-is-that-you-do/799310.md?page=2)