# Tell me how I, as a female in the corporate world, can gain respect from males in my industry. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 5, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370 "2010-03-05T02:46:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2010, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/81 "2010-03-07T06:50:33Z")
> [@Translucent\_Daydream](#): > > And bring a gun, light a cigarette with your burned bra, and show _them_ who’s boss. > > Maybe I read the OP wrong, but it didn’t seem to call for much millitancy and defense. I didn’t mean that to sound dickish ☹ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/82 "2010-03-09T16:27:17Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > In an ideal world, we are all equal, but in all honesty, we just aren’t there yet. In an ideal world, yes. In the corporate world, no. In the corporate world you are only as equal as the value your provide your boss and the company. There hierarchies, both formal and informal, and it is important to understand how they opperate. > [@EmAnJ](#): > > So, how do I behave and what do I do to gain their respect? I really want to get my foot in the door here (I’ve been with the company for 8 months) and move up the ladder rapidly. So far I’ve taken on loads of extra work and produced some pretty exceptional documents, and my role has evolved positively in the past few months, but I still feel like I’m not taken seriously. That is because you have been there 8 months. I’ve been at my job 5 months and I’m still introduced as “The New Manager”. A lot of people start jobs expecting to light the world on fire and advance rapidly every few months. It doesn’t work like that. They hired you to perform a particular job. Master that first for a year or so, then start thinking about the next step in your career. Some additional advice I can give you: -Stop identifying yourself as “a woman”. Everything is not about you being a woman. There will be people who want you to fail for reasons that have nothing to do with you being a woman. -Be a team player. Like most jobs, you are part of a team. It’s hard to do that if you are constantly trying to show everyone that you are the best. Not that you should do a half-assed job (I was joking before). You just don’t want to position yourself as the hyper-competetive female who only cares about her own career. -Don’t sleep with your boss or date coworkers. As a man, I can get away with it because it makes me look awesome. As a woman, it makes you look like either the office slut or future Mrs. Awesome Male Coworker. I know it’s a double standard, but that’s the way it is. -Don’t be afraid to call people on their bullshit. -Avoid bringing your personal baggage to work. Boyfriend crap. Divorce. Whatever. No matter how capable you are, bringing this drama to work makes you look like a guest character on Sex and the City. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/83 "2010-03-09T18:06:51Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > The fight against ignorance sometimes demands that I resist my natural impulses toward pleasantness and getting along with others. > > Speaking of that fight, have you found a cite for your claim that is not susceptible to the arguments I raised? If not, you can just admit to believing BS–happens to the best of us from time to time. My post is my cite. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/84 "2010-03-09T18:37:08Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > It’s too bad to hear that things have not changed much. I worked in an all male field and it is tough. You have to do twice the work in half the time in order to get respect. I would go with the flow for a while before trying to make suggestions. One guy told me if a woman can do this job then it isn’t much of a job! Your Dad gave you excellent advice. Be smart and be ready to be tested. They will push you as far as you let them. They will try and set you up so be on top of everything. Carry mace or one of those key chain stun guns from Cabelas. I’m serious as a heart attack that you need to be able to protect yourself. if you are walking to your car have it in your hand. > > I used to wear clothing that wasn’t tight or suggestive. There will also be men hitting on you so you need to have a nice come back ready and stick to it. I saw one woman fall for this and after he slept with her all her private details were discussed by the men. This is what I mean by set up. > > Don’t give out your number or tell anyone where you live. Get an unlisted phone number and keep your address private. I had a colleague stop by my home one night and he looked me up in the phone book. I didn’t open the door. > > The first six months is the hardest and if you stick to your guns you should be getting some respect by then. If you prove yourself then they will lay off. There will always be a few that are just womans haters and just ignore them. > > Good Luck! This sounds a little over-the-top for an office job. I’ve worked office jobs that were predominantly male, and I never felt threatened in any way, or felt that I needed mace. In most of those jobs, I felt like a sister to the guys, not prey. I do agree that **EmAnJ** needs to be careful to always dress appropriately for an office environment, but she doesn’t sound like a teenager who thinks the same outfit is good for both the nightclub and the office. Interestingly enough, there was a [story on our local news just yesterday](http://calgary.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100308/edm_wage_gap_100308/20100308/?hub=CalgaryHome) about how women are still at about 66% of wage parity for guys in equivalent positions. I know we discussed that recently, and how the wage gap doesn’t exist any longer, but according to them it does. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/85 "2010-03-09T18:50:25Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > Carry mace or one of those key chain stun guns… Both are illegal in the OP’s jurisdiction. See the \*Regulations Prescribing Certain Firearms and other Weapons, Components and Parts of Weapons, Accessories, Cartridge Magazines, Ammunition and Projectiles as Prohibited or Restricted \*(SOR/98-462) at [this site](http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/showdoc/cr/SOR-98-462/bo-ga:s_1::bo-ga:s_2?page=2). Note particularly Part 3 of the _Regulations_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/86 "2010-03-09T18:52:40Z")
How about bear spray? Can she use that? I’d like to get some for my walks to Safeway through an off-leash area where people confuse “off-leash” with “out-of-control.” ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/87 "2010-03-09T19:02:07Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > How about bear spray? Can she use that? I’d like to get some for my walks to Safeway through an off-leash area where people confuse “off-leash” with “out-of-control.” Legally? No. However, I suppose if she was stopped with it she could just claim that she was concerned about bears in the area… ---
**Author:** ![Wednesday\_Evening](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b2d939/32.png) [@Wednesday\_Evening](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wednesday_Evening)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/88 "2010-03-09T20:39:31Z")
I am a female structural engineer and I have also experienced what you’re running into. Female engineers were definitely second-class citizens at the firms where I worked. I understand what it’s like to always be the only woman at a meeting. It’s not easy and I came to learn that it was not going to change overnight. I felt like I got the most respect when I had confidence in myself and my abilities and wasn’t afraid to speak up. There was one principal who had an aggressive and forceful manner and many engineers had a hard time working with him. When my turn came to work for him I decided that I would take a strong stance and not back down (even though I am pretty meek, usually). It worked out really well and he treated me respectfully. Not all companies are like that, I later learned. I wish I had considered trying to find another job instead of putting up with being a second-class citizen. I’m not sure how (I think there were some good suggestions up-thread), but you should avoid making coffee and carrying the projector. It’s not your job, and if none of your male co-workers are asked to do it, you shouldn’t be asked to do it either, and it undermines your authority. As for the introductions, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do besides introduce yourself later. I don’t know how helpful my post is, but I mainly wanted to say that I have been there and totally sympathize with your position. I quit working when I had my first child 6 years ago. While I miss the engineering, I don’t really want to go back to that environment any time soon. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/89 "2010-03-09T20:40:09Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > How do I get get good at it if I don’t DO it? I’m not a natural, if I have to get better at speaking in front of groups, I have to do more of it, not avoid it because I’m freaking out on the inside. Toastmasters or similar. Speaking in public is the kind of thing that you learn by doing it often. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/90 "2010-03-09T20:47:18Z")
> [@Wednesday\_Evening](#): > > I’m not sure how (I think there were some good suggestions up-thread), but you should avoid making coffee and carrying the projector. It’s not your job, and if none of your male co-workers are asked to do it, you shouldn’t be asked to do it either, and it undermines your authority. As for the introductions, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do besides introduce yourself later. Making coffee should be avoided regardless. Be very careful though, refusing to do actual business-related tasks (like setting up for a presentation) because you think it is “undermines your authority”. Someone has to do the grunt work and why shouldn’t it be you from time to time? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370/91 "2010-03-10T03:44:01Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > My post is my cite. Your post is your cite that you are willing to believe BS? OK then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-how-i-as-a-female-in-the-corporate-world-can-gain-respect-from-males-in-my-industry/531370.md?page=4)