# Tell me if I'm overreacting to this (lots of cursing likely) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 4, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340 "2010-03-04T22:31:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/41 "2010-03-05T13:45:27Z")
Yeah, if this guy didn’t have such a history of jerkishness towards **Skald** , I’d vote overreacting to what is all too common a pattern with elderly people in poor health. But given this history, I lean more towards Skald could use a cooling off period–formal estrangment probably isn’t helpful, but more space is a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/42 "2010-03-05T13:55:39Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > If Jesus appeared bodily before him, wearing the crown of thorns and everything, turned all the water in the house to Zinfandel… You do have the The Devil in you to basically call Jesus a cock-chugging faggot like that. Jesus was straight, heterosexual, macho, manly man’s man and would turn water into a guy wine like chianti, not some gay-ass Zinfandel. Of course, you’ll have all eternity in Hell, where you’ll get a scalding Zinfandel enema every hour on the hour, to regret being the way you are. ---
**Author:** ![geneb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e4f/32.png) [@geneb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/geneb)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/43 "2010-03-05T14:20:50Z")
Other people have said it already… cutting off contact at this stage would be sort of extreme. On the other hand, damage control makes sense. I’m in a similar position with my mommy dearest, though there’s no gawds involved. So… Limit contact, hang up if he gets on your nerves, and exit room when there’s no reasoning with him. Which you’ve done already. Congratulations. \>:3 Eventually he’ll learn. Or not. Either way, less stress on you. Edit: Woops. This is the SO’s account. \>\_\<; This is actually Waxwinged. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/44 "2010-03-05T15:24:48Z")
I’m with the possible Alzheimer’s camp. Suddenly misplacing something he’s kept in the same place for years, and then automatically getting suspicious people are stealing from him are both classic symptoms, and he’s certainly old enough to have it. He sounds like the sort who it would be hard to tell if he’s getting shorter-tempered or more of an asshole, so it’s hard to watch for those signs, but I would ask the siblings if they’ve noticed any other signs of him being forgetful or overly suspicious. As for whether and how much to interact with him in the future…oy. You’re fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t, but you know that already. I would lean toward taking a week to cool off and consider, then not entering his house any more. Then see how you feel and how things go and take it from there. Unfortunately, if he does have Alzheimer’s, he _will_ change. He will become shorter-tempered, more forgetful, and more suspicious of the people around him. It could get quite a lot worse, so that’s something you and your siblings need to be prepared for. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/45 "2010-03-05T15:26:51Z")
F it dude, let God worry about it. Don’t take it to heart, man, but I know it can be tough. My mom doesn’t fire on all cylinders some days. One time I went to go visit her she was convinced that I had been beating my girlfriend with a golf club. After both of us sat her down and tried to talk her off of it, we just gave up and I told her I would play nicer and she become happy again. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/46 "2010-03-05T16:06:49Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > I’m going to have to go against popular opinion and say asking if you took the money is not the same as accusing you of taking it and calling you a thief. I totally disagree. If he couldn’t find his cash, he could have said: “Skald, I had money in the house and I can’t find it!” He could have asked Skald’s _help_ in searching. There are a dozen different ways to express concern over missing cash before assuming _anyone_ took it. But no, to him, it was all too likely that Skald took it without permission i.e. stealing. Especially, when you start up saying: “You had money problems last year and now _my_ money is missing.” And then you back it up by what amounts to: “The hordes that have keys to my house go to church. You don’t go to church, so no one else would take it but you. Everyone else has integrity.” You’re saying, in good faith, it’s not an accusation just because he phrased it as a question? And I don’t buy the Alzheimer’s guesses here. The guy has a long history of treating Skald like shit. It’s not like he suddenly got forgetful and turned into a paranoid asshole. He’s been doing it for ages. And **Skald** , my last post was a joke. I wasn’t suggesting you apologize, I was suggesting the alternative: “I am sorry you are a douchebag.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/47 "2010-03-05T16:25:42Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > I totally disagree. If he couldn’t find his cash, he could have said: “Skald, I had money in the house and I can’t find it!” He could have asked Skald’s _help_ in searching. There are a dozen different ways to express concern over missing cash before assuming _anyone_ took it. But no, to him, it was all too likely that Skald took it without permission i.e. stealing. Especially, when you start up saying: “You had money problems last year and now _my_ money is missing.” And on top of that he specifically said he was not going to ask any of the other people who have access to the house because they _would never steal from him_. It’s an accusation, plain and simple. Maybe he’s making the accusation because his health is deteriorating and maybe he isn’t, but from what **Skald the Rhymer** said, his father was very clearly implying he thought the money had been stolen. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/48 "2010-03-05T16:38:19Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > He asked me again, and offered to forgive me if I had. It was at this point that I decided that the conversation was best conducted without even a butter knife in hand. Ha! Take a leaf from his book. Don’t apologize … _forgive_ him for suspecting you of theft! Seriously though, there is a lot of good advice in this thread. You probably know this already, but… all that anger and bitterness is doing you harm. It’s his fault for causing it, but unfortunately, he’s not going to make it better… you have to do that for yourself. You can hold on to it, thereby being “right” but at the cost of having it continue to eat away at you. Or you can find some way to let go of it. Disengaging from him is an important first step, but it’s only the first step. In the end, you may need to… well… actually forgive him. Note that forgiving him does not mean excusing his actions, or saying that he was an okay guy, or anything like that. It’s more like saying “I have better things to do with my life than pursue a mental vendetta against you.” Please note, by the way, that I am generally very bad at taking my own advice in this respect. I often carry grudges, to the detriment of myself and those around me. It’s not easy to let things go, but it is the best way to be good to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/49 "2010-03-05T16:40:21Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > Ha! Take a leaf from his book. Don’t apologize … _forgive_ him for suspecting you of theft! Oo! That’s a good one! “I forgive you for bearing false witness.” ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/50 "2010-03-05T18:47:55Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > scalding Zinfandel enema Red or white? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/51 "2010-03-05T18:51:10Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Red or white? Whichever is gayer. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/52 "2010-03-05T18:55:45Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Whichever is gayer. White, then - it’s a **pink** wine. Oh wait. That might just be “girly” these days; a self-respecting gay man might not drink white zin. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/53 "2010-03-05T18:57:10Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > Ha! Take a leaf from his book. Don’t apologize … _forgive_ him for suspecting you of theft! I, too, love this option! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/54 "2010-03-05T19:20:41Z")
From what I recall of what you’ve related of your relationship with your dad, **Skald** , I think \*\*Roderick \*\*hit the nail on the head: > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Through therapy I learned to let all the crap I got from him that he just could not help himself from flinging roll right off my back, because I truly did not care what he thought. > > Let me repeat that: _I did not care what he thought about me._ I was polite and pleasant and visited every year as a dutiful son (since I lived, on purpose, 600 miles away). When my mother died I helped him with the details of her cremation and so on. I never engaged. If physical distance will destroy other relationships, you can substitute emotional distance. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/55 "2010-03-05T19:43:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Tell me if I’m overreacting. And I am not given to asking rhetorical questions, because I am not a goddamn COGIC goatfucking minister who thinks he knows everything. I am asking because I am so fucking angry that I don’t’ trust my judgment. So tell mem what you think. I don’t think you’re overreacting. From your description, if I were you, I’d have gotten a whole lot of gone between me and him quite some time ago. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/56 "2010-03-05T19:50:45Z")
Are you sure he isn’t developing some form of senile dementia? Losing things and blaming others is often an early hallmark of Alzheimer’s. That said, I’ve been in a similar position. Grandmother who raised me was a raving 5 star bitch. She was abusive, both physically and emotionally. When I was old enough to leave, I joined the Air Force. Of course, when grandpa died, I went home. She had six of her own children, but couldn’t ask them to care for her. I was married by then, so we lived elsewhere. When she became unmanagable, I got a job and told her own worthless children I couldn’t see her as often, because of my work schedule. They reluctantly pitched in. I went to her house less and less, until my lay-about uncle, his wife and 5 children moved into her house to save money. (Read: he quit his job.) My husband and I then moved out of state. I was able to keep peace with those family members I wanted to, and grandma even left me a little in her will. Of course, Uncle never saw fit to actually give it to me. :rolleyes: Good luck with your situation. If it were me, I’d find I couldn’t make dinner for a couple weeks, because of (fill in excuse here), then do so less often, until someone else in the family was on the hook for feeding him. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/57 "2010-03-05T21:01:27Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > and grandma even left me a little in her will. Of course, Uncle never saw fit to actually give it to me. Isn’t that, um, illegal? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/58 "2010-03-05T21:13:46Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Isn’t that, um, illegal? I never persued it. It just wasn’t worth the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/59 "2010-03-05T21:28:56Z")
The guy is 75 years old, and you say you love him. If you break contact with him now, you’ll lose the rest of your family, and that won’t likely change just because he dies. You’ll be making a big mistake that lasts the rest of YOUR life if you stoke this feud. Right now, he’s only a problem for the rest of his own life. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340/60 "2010-03-05T22:39:07Z")
What ever you decide about the amount of future contact you have with your father, you might want to conside returning your copy of his house key. “Since you feel that I am capable of stealing from you, I no longer feel comfortable having this.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-im-overreacting-to-this-lots-of-cursing-likely/531340.md?page=4)