# Tell me if this behavior I am contemplating is creepy, controlling, or manipulative **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550 "2009-08-06T17:31:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/81 "2009-08-10T17:28:10Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I heard their periods attract bears. I can’t stop laughing. Now I can only hope that no one walks past my desk in the next five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/82 "2009-08-10T17:29:13Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > “I heard somewhere” is almost never a lead-in to sound advice. Even if it \*\*were \*\*true a majority of the time (which I doubt), it does not mean that it is the least bit accurate in this particular instance. Agreed. On the other hand, something raised my “Oh, shit” sensors in the previous thread. I may totally have taken it out of context, but their stepdaughter called the mom a liar at some point–and it reminded me of us kids’ reaction when my own parents separated. Sometimes the kids know things about one parent that they’re not comfortable telling the other parent, and it pisses them off mightily that they have to keep such a secret. Again, I may totally be misreading it. But I wonder if the stepdaughter knows something about the situation. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/83 "2009-08-10T17:37:05Z")
It’s a pain in the ass, but make sure you keep an accounting of the money. In particular, note down all significant expenditures. I’ve just had a friend get hauled over the coals for, after his wife moved out but before she filed, spending “excessively” on things like booze etc. It also helps you if you are making household expenditures to demonstrate that, if it comes down to it, you split the bank account in half, but then spent $7,000 of “your” half on a new air conditioner for the house, which will presumably be half hers in value. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/84 "2009-08-10T17:40:28Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Agreed. On the other hand, something raised my “Oh, shit” sensors in the previous thread. I may totally have taken it out of context, but their stepdaughter called the mom a liar at some point–and it reminded me of us kids’ reaction when my own parents separated. Sometimes the kids know things about one parent that they’re not comfortable telling the other parent, and it pisses them off mightily that they have to keep such a secret. > > Again, I may totally be misreading it. But I wonder if the stepdaughter knows something about the situation. I doubt it. My wife and stepdaughter are about the same age and don’t have any sort of parent-child relationship; more that of affectionate roommates. I can’t imagine my stepdaughter knowing about infidelity and not telling me. I think she was just pissed. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/85 "2009-08-10T18:46:30Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I heard their periods attract bears. > > Nothing like some good old fashioned SDMB advice to make you feel like a different species for not having a y chromosome. what do these … do? ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/86 "2009-08-10T19:48:10Z")
The bank thing sounds prudent. The lock thing sounds a little extreme. Also, FYI, (and I am not a lawyer) I think that if you DO divorce then wherever you moved the money to doesn’t matter, the whole amount still has to go through the process. But I think you did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/87 "2009-08-10T19:58:54Z")
All the plans for the money - **do it!** But don’t change the locks. Play it like you’re ready to discuss the problems anytime and if she wants to get more of her stuff, there won’t be a big scene if she can’t get in to the house. If don’t change the locks, pack up everything that is yours or important to you and put it in storage. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/88 "2009-08-10T19:59:18Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > what do these … do? Huh? ---
**Author:** ![MickNickMaggies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/59ef9b/32.png) [@MickNickMaggies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MickNickMaggies)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550/89 "2009-08-10T20:18:06Z")
A little advice- I seem to recall her having an account here. Now while she may not post regularly, she knows you do and may stop by to see what you’re posting about / discussing. Changing the locks is a bit far and may actually provoke someone into _doing_ damage. Changing the locks and posting about it equals an unknown quantity and the effect it may have will be even more unpredictable. As the child of a nasty, nasty divorce that involved bipolar disorder and later religious fervour, I’d advise keeping quiet, as it is also a case that may later involve the courts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-if-this-behavior-i-am-contemplating-is-creepy-controlling-or-manipulative/505550.md?page=4)