# Tell me Mary Chaney's pregnancy is none of my damn business **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432 "2006-12-09T03:36:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/1 "2006-12-09T03:36:48Z")
For reasons I am unable to explain, I find Mary Chaney’s pregnancy – indeed, all efforts by homosexuals to raise children – head-shakingly immoral. I do not understand this. I am one of the most socially liberal people I know. I’m a confessed atheist. I have counter-demonstrated against the anti-abortionists. Most of the local Republicans won’t even speak to me. And yet … When I heard that Mary Chaney had actually gone out and had herself impregnated so she and her girlfriend (whom, I believe, she should be legally allowed to marry) could raise a child, I damn near dropped my teeth. “Aw, jeez, you have got to be fuckin’ kidding me!” were my exact words. It’s bad enough that my wife (bomb-throwing, left-wing fringe communist that she is) has all but disowned me over this; but my father, Republican precinct captain and president of the local Ronald Reagan fan club, told me, “I figger it’s none of my damn business, and none of your’s, either.” I have no idea why I have such an unreasonable, emotional reaction to this. But I do. In fact, I find the whole issue of surrogate motherhood, artificial insemination (except for livestock and married couples in which the husband’s sperm is used to fertilize the wife’s ovum) distasteful. Stem cell research? Bring it on! Gays raising children? Oh, hell no! So, I’m turning to the most educated, common-sensical and liberal bunch I know of – dopers. What the hell is wrong with me?! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/2 "2006-12-09T03:40:50Z")
Couldn’t tell you, but all available evidence suggests that the children of gay and lesbian households show no difference from children of heterosexual households except for a tendency to be more accepting of diversity. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/3 "2006-12-09T03:51:59Z")
First of all, you have to discover in yourself why you feel the way you do. Dissect every part of your feelings on the issue until you find out which part bugs you. Ask yourself why you find the idea of AI repugnant. Why do you find the idea of a loving couple raising a child intolerable, unless they are hetero? Do you somehow believe being homosexual is “taught”? Would you feel the same way about a homosexual couple adopting a child? A healthy child? A “special needs” child? You sound pretty much as though you have your head together. Just think about it, if it really worries you. If it’s not a major part of your life - let it go. I see things every day that make me crazy with the decisions others make, but I don’t let them influence my day-to-day life. On that path lies madness. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/4 "2006-12-09T03:53:57Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] What the hell is wrong with me?! [/QUOTE] You have a prejudice. That’s all. No biggie. We all do. At least you recognize and admit yours. Now, do you think that your feelings about this are rational, and the fact that you have strong feelings about the matter directly correlate with the truth of the idea that gays should not have children? Or do you believe that your feelings don’t make sense, and run contrary to your ethical code? ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/5 "2006-12-09T03:54:41Z")
Ask yourself what is immoral about two people in a stable relationship raising a happy healthy kid? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/6 "2006-12-09T03:55:34Z")
My WAG is it’s the traditional “every child needs a father and mother” feeling/belief - how do you feel about intentionally single parents, for instance? I suspect practically no children raised by gay/lesbian couples lack for an appropriate role model of the gender opposite to their parents. If there’s an “Uncle/Aunt So-and-so” in their lives, they should have good modeling of whatever one might think a child would need from that kind of role model. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/7 "2006-12-09T03:56:29Z")
People have individual “ewww” factors. There may be things they accept in a theoretical intellectual way but still have a visceral physical reaction against. It’s not necessarily a problem unless you let your instincts overrule your reason. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/8 "2006-12-09T04:03:07Z")
You find gay couples adopting immoral. Fine and hunky-dory, as long as you don’t act on it. We’re all allowed to feel the way we feel. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/9 "2006-12-09T04:06:11Z")
What’s chilling about the whole situation is that the Cheney line continues to reproduce. Homosexuality may have nothing to do with your reaction. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/10 "2006-12-09T04:07:22Z")
Hmm, something does seem a bit off there **Sunrazor**. I’m a conservative, probably _just_ over the line to socially moderate, and even my reaction was “good for them.” Hey, two-parent families are good, I don’t really care what genders the parents are…as long as they’re committed to staying together to raise their children (this goes for het marriages, too of course). Maybe instead of their being something “wrong” with you, you’re just not as liberal as you thought - I realized I the opposite about myself when I decided that of all the issues liberals espouse gay marriage is one I find myself in complete agreement with. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/11 "2006-12-09T04:12:37Z")
Hmmmm … lots of stuff to think about here. I’m thinking that somewhere I’ve gotten a very strong message about what Ferret Herder said – every child needs a hetero mom/dad upbringing. Or at least, it’s optimum – anything other than that is “less than best for the children.” Having raised two kids myself, I know how damn hard it is to role-model for the little tykes, and I guess I see a sort of hubris in lesbians thinking they can do what I did. Maybe I’m a little insecure in my masculinity (because of aging, perhaps?) I mean, what if it’s a boy? Is Dick Cheney going to be its male role model?! (BTW, I apologize for misspelling “Cheney” in the OP.) ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/12 "2006-12-09T04:15:50Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] You find gay couples adopting immoral. Fine and hunky-dory, as long as you don’t act on it. We’re all allowed to feel the way we feel. [/QUOTE] What bothers me is that I even feel that way! Act on it? How would I act on it? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/13 "2006-12-09T04:33:18Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Having raised two kids myself, I know how damn hard it is to role-model for the little tykes, and I guess I see a sort of hubris in lesbians thinking they can do what I did. [/QUOTE] Is it because you believe that a role model of each gender is always necessary? There are of course lots of single-parent households, in which the child nevertheless gets role models of two genders from the parent’s entourage. (I grant you that having Dick as a male role model is scary, but that would be true if Mary were with a guy, too.) As I said, there’s no evidence that same-sex parents are any poorer at raising children than opposite-sex ones. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/14 "2006-12-09T04:42:58Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] What bothers me is that I even feel that way! Act on it? How would I act on it? [/QUOTE] Picketing, harrassment… nasty stuff, none of which you’re inclined to do because you’re a Good Egg, is what I meant. IANApsychologist; I can’t explain prejudices. If it really bothers you, maybe consider seeking professional help? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/15 "2006-12-09T04:50:17Z")
Oh, and by the way, it’s none of your damned business. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/16 "2006-12-09T05:20:43Z")
If they break up ,who gets the kid? The mother? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/17 "2006-12-09T06:18:37Z")
[QUOTE=gonzomax] If they break up ,who gets the kid? The mother? [/QUOTE] It depends. If they live in a state that allows second parent adoption for gay couples, it would go through family court like in any divorce. They could also have a a civil union that could affect the outcome. There really is no one answer to that question. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/18 "2006-12-09T06:20:11Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Hmmmm … lots of stuff to think about here. I’m thinking that somewhere I’ve gotten a very strong message about what Ferret Herder said – every child needs a hetero mom/dad upbringing. Or at least, it’s optimum – anything other than that is “less than best for the children.” Having raised two kids myself, I know how damn hard it is to role-model for the little tykes,\*\* and I guess I see a sort of hubris in lesbians thinking they can do what I did. Maybe I’m a little insecure in my masculinity\*\* (because of aging, perhaps?) I mean, what if it’s a boy? Is Dick Cheney going to be its male role model?! (BTW, I apologize for misspelling “Cheney” in the OP.) [/QUOTE] The section bolded above really struck me. Do you feel the same way about gay male couples raising a child? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/19 "2006-12-09T06:39:48Z")
I appreciate your willingness to raise a question about your reaction. In terms of the content of the situation you describe, here are a couple of good links to American Psychological Association: [Lesbian & Gay Parents & Their Children: Summary Of Research Findings](http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/lgpsummary.html) [APA POLICY STATEMENT: Sexual Orientation, Parents, & Children](http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/policy/parents.html) Hope that’s helpful. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/20 "2006-12-09T07:05:46Z")
Oh, and I truly appreciate your interest in proactively acknowledging your blind spots and learning about this subject. Whatever we can do to facilitate the process, I’m sure we’ll all be happy to. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432.md?page=2)