# Tell me Mary Chaney's pregnancy is none of my damn business **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432 "2006-12-09T03:36:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/21 "2006-12-09T07:51:54Z")
Well, I’m kinda ashamed to admit it, but…you remember that Halloween when you were 10, and that other kid beat you up and stole your candy? No? Well, that’s really not surprising, your mind probably blocked it out. Just like you don’t remember the fact that the kid was wearing a Peppermint Patty costume, and used a turkey baster filled with quarters as a cosh. How do _I_ know this? …I was that kid. And I feel terrible about it. If it’s of any consolation, the Tootsie-Pops were badly stale. Oh, and, um…anyone here afraid of clowns? Because, well…y’see, my grandpa kind of hit the bottle pretty hard after he got laid off from the circus, and—well, he’s _really_ sorry about everything that went down, now… ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/22 "2006-12-09T09:32:03Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] I find the whole issue of surrogate motherhood, artificial insemination (except for livestock and married couples in which the husband’s sperm is used to fertilize the wife’s ovum) distasteful. [/QUOTE] Part of this caught my eye - _husband_’s sperm and _wife_’s ovum, eh? What if the husband doesn’t produce any viable sperm and they use a donor’s with the wife’s ovum, or vice versa? Or what if the sperm and egg are both donated? Does that make you go “eeeew”? Or is it just an issue if it’s a same-sex couple? ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/23 "2006-12-09T13:30:57Z")
Yeah, I was also wondering if it’s some sort of genetic material fear - that maybe you find it weird for people to be giving birth (or being partnered with someone giving birth) to kids not genetically their own. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/24 "2006-12-09T13:40:36Z")
I got no beef with gay parenting; I figure if two people really _want_ to be parents, they will do the best they can for the kid, and that’s a lot better than a lot of hetero parents out there. However, there is the matter of being in an “alternative lifestyle”. While I don’t doubt that the parents will do their job, there will be times when other kids may tease them for their parents’ lifestyle, and it hurts to think about kids being subjected to that sort of peer cruelty. Maybe that’s what’s got you hung up. Of course, other kids will pick on the kid if they’re wearing the “wrong” color socks or whatever, as well, so it might not matter, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/25 "2006-12-09T14:40:36Z")
One of my girlfriends decided she had enough waiting around for Mr. Right (she was Ms. Incredibly Picky) and rather than marrying and reproducing Mr. I’ll Settle For Him, went off and (after exploring spermciles and discovering she wasn’t a dependable ovulator) adopted a baby. No father. Her own dad lives halfway across the country. How does it make you feel when it is one woman instead of two? That might let you know if you squick factor is “no dad” or “gay people.” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/26 "2006-12-09T15:04:22Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] However, there is the matter of being in an “alternative lifestyle”. While I don’t doubt that the parents will do their job, there will be times when other kids may tease them for their parents’ lifestyle, and it hurts to think about kids being subjected to that sort of peer cruelty. Maybe that’s what’s got you hung up. Of course, other kids will pick on the kid if they’re wearing the “wrong” color socks or whatever, as well, so it might not matter, anyway. [/QUOTE] Exactly, Anyone whose family is “different” - who’s adopted, who has a single parent, whose parents are biracial, one of whose parents is disabled or ill, etc., etc. – risks getting teased about it as a kid. That doesn’t mean that people in such categories ought to refrain from having kids. It just means that that’s one thing they need to be aware of, so they can give their kid tools to deal with it. Looked at another way, it could even be good for the other kids, since they’d be growing up in an environment where there are kids from a diversity of family types. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/27 "2006-12-09T15:22:35Z")
[QUOTE=Dangerosa] One of my girlfriends decided she had enough waiting around for Mr. Right (she was Ms. Incredibly Picky) and rather than marrying and reproducing Mr. I’ll Settle For Him, went off and (after exploring spermciles and discovering she wasn’t a dependable ovulator) adopted a baby. No father. Her own dad lives halfway across the country. How does it make you feel when it is one woman instead of two? That might let you know if you squick factor is “no dad” or “gay people.” [/QUOTE] Good question. I personally have cringed at the comments made by Grandpa Cheney’s political base. Unbelievable. Loving parents create a perfect environment to raise a child in. I don’t care what color, sex, religion, etc, those two people are. If I was younger and in slightly different circumstances, I would be surrogating for gay couples every year! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/28 "2006-12-09T15:26:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] For reasons I am unable to explain, I find Mary Chaney’s pregnancy – indeed, all efforts by homosexuals to raise children – head-shakingly immoral. I do not understand this. I am one of the most socially liberal people I know. I’m a confessed atheist. I have counter-demonstrated against the anti-abortionists. Most of the local Republicans won’t even speak to me. And yet … When I heard that Mary Chaney had actually gone out and had herself impregnated so she and her girlfriend (whom, I believe, she should be legally allowed to marry) could raise a child, I damn near dropped my teeth. “Aw, jeez, you have got to be fuckin’ kidding me!” were my exact words. It’s bad enough that my wife (bomb-throwing, left-wing fringe communist that she is) has all but disowned me over this; but my father, Republican precinct captain and president of the local Ronald Reagan fan club, told me, “I figger it’s none of my damn business, and none of your’s, either.” I have no idea why I have such an unreasonable, emotional reaction to this. But I do. In fact, I find the whole issue of surrogate motherhood, artificial insemination (except for livestock and married couples in which the husband’s sperm is used to fertilize the wife’s ovum) distasteful. Stem cell research? Bring it on! Gays raising children? Oh, hell no! So, I’m turning to the most educated, common-sensical and liberal bunch I know of – dopers. What the hell is wrong with me?! [/QUOTE] Try looking at it as something distasteful for _you_, you know…like brussels sprouts or joining the local baptist church. It doesn’t _have_ to be fine for\* you\*. You just have to believe that family building is personal business that should not be meddled with by government or anyone else. How do you feel about people who did it the old fashioned way and then raise the child by themselves? How do you feel about divorced families? How do you feel about polyamorous families? How do you feel about blended families? There are a million ways to express love. As long as it’s love, I’ve got no problem with any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/29 "2006-12-09T15:29:02Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] Try looking at it as something distasteful for _you_, you know…like brussels sprouts or joining the local baptist church. It doesn’t _have_ to be fine for\* you\*. You just have to believe that family building is personal business that should not be meddled with by government or anyone else. How do you feel about people who did it the old fashioned way and then raise the child by themselves? How do you feel about divorced families? How do you feel about polyamorous families? How do you feel about blended families? There are a million ways to express love. **As long as it’s love, I’ve got no problem with any of them**. [/QUOTE] Bolding mine. What about a pedophile with good intentions? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/30 "2006-12-09T15:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Bolding mine. What about a pedophile with good intentions? [/QUOTE] Oxymoron my dear. I always ask people who say “Gays shouldn’t raise children. Children need a mother and a father” is the pregnant women who lost their husbands in 9/11 should have had their children takenaway from them because “they wouldn’t have a father.” ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/31 "2006-12-09T15:37:28Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Bolding mine. What about a pedophile with good intentions? [/QUOTE] That’s not a form of family unit. It’s a form of abuse, regardless of the intention. Stay on task here. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/32 "2006-12-09T15:41:36Z")
You are correct in asking me to tell you it’s none of your business. It’s not even the veep’s business, so that pretty much says it all. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/33 "2006-12-09T15:52:21Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] It depends. If they live in a state that allows second parent adoption for gay couples, it would go through family court like in any divorce. They could also have a a civil union that could affect the outcome. There really is no one answer to that question. [/QUOTE] They live in Virginia. Virginia recently passed what many consider to be the harshest anti-marriage constitutional amendment in the nation. This was on top of their existing legislation that already banned SSM and civil unions and declared void any such marriage or union performed in another state. The activist Virginia courts also recently intruded into a lesbian custody case that originated in Vermont under a legal civil union, but have now [recognized](http://www.ktvu.com/family/10416027/detail.html) they lack jurisdiction. As for second-parent adoption, every source I find online indicates that Virginia law is “unclear.” In short, if the couple breaks up they better move first. ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/34 "2006-12-09T15:54:20Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] …I have no idea why I have such an unreasonable, emotional reaction to this. But I do. In fact, I find the whole issue of surrogate motherhood, artificial insemination (except for livestock and married couples in which the husband’s sperm is used to fertilize the wife’s ovum) distasteful. Stem cell research? Bring it on! Gays raising children? Oh, hell no! So, I’m turning to the most educated, common-sensical and liberal bunch I know of – dopers. What the hell is wrong with me?! [/QUOTE] This is a great topic,\*\* Sunrazor\*\*. I think everyone has a belief or opinion about something that doesn’t jibe with who they are. It really goes to show that we are a work in progress and it takes work to become the person you want to be. A poster here at the SDMB posted a link to David Byrne’s online journal. I really wish I could remember who posted the link to give them credit, but it’s a wonderful example of what your talking about. [http://journal.davidbyrne.com/2004/08/8704\_laguardia.html](http://journal.davidbyrne.com/2004/08/8704_laguardia.html) My irrational/maybe stupid opinion about something bothers me too. I don’t know why I feel this way and have to remind myself that it’s wrong. Here it is-- I don’t think it’s \*as bad \* when a female teacher has sex with a male student as it is for a male student to have have sex with a female student. Men and women view sex very differently. In my head I know that it’s the same. They’re both victims and both are being taken advantage of by a sexual predator and it’s equally wrong. My husband has something like this too. I can’t remember but we were talking about and he said he doesn’t know why he thinks this, but men are gay because they are born that way but women can become a lesbian because of bad relationships or abuse, etc. This infuriated me to no end. When a man is gay it’s an act of God or whatever, but a women is gay because she got dumped? It trivializes a woman’s sexuality. He was just being honest and I’m sure he’s sorry he even brought it up. It still pisses me off thinking about it. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/35 "2006-12-09T15:58:20Z")
And to the OP, my response is that Mary Cheney’s pregnancy is your business to the extent that you are IMHO at a minimum required to refrain from acting in a manner which will harm her or her child (by, for example, refusing to vote in favor of marriage bans, adoption bans, etc., giving money to anti-gay causes and so forth) but should also take proactive steps to support her and her child (by actively voting against and speaking out against such bans, speaking out in favor of gay rights in general, giving money to pro-gay groups and the like). ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/36 "2006-12-09T16:22:05Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] That’s not a form of family unit. It’s a form of abuse, regardless of the intention. Stay on task here. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Oh no, I’m with you. I was just flexing my snark muscles. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/37 "2006-12-09T16:41:09Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Oh no, I’m with you. I was just flexing my snark muscles. [/QUOTE] 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/38 "2006-12-09T19:14:27Z")
I just wish the OP had mentioned anyone except Mary Cheney. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/39 "2006-12-09T20:24:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Maybe I’m a little insecure in my masculinity (because of aging, perhaps?) I mean, what if it’s a boy? [/QUOTE] Ohhhhhh you’re a guy. That says to me something about ‘FemiNazis relegating men to the role of sperm-producer’ anger. Does this sound like you? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432/40 "2006-12-09T21:14:13Z")
Oh, that’s a good one, **Quiddity**. Let me add my voice to the chorus saying, “Good for you for being willing to take a good look at yourself and your beliefs, **Sunrazor**.” You might stumble across some interesting discoveries along the way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-mary-chaneys-pregnancy-is-none-of-my-damn-business/383432.md?page=3)