# Tell me Starving Artist wouldn't be a burglar. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2007, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726 "2007-03-05T21:49:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/1 "2007-03-05T21:49:06Z")
I’m sure I recall reading somewhere that **Starving Artist** once told a group of people, “Once I leave my mom’s basement, I’m going to break into all your houses and steal every last thing you own”. Since reading this, of course, you can imagine I feel the need to vilify him at every opportunity. My God, that **Starving Artist** is such a shithead. So, fellow dopers, please convince me that **Starving Artist** will do no such thing. Now, I should add, I am a humble sort of fellow. I am quite open to having my errors corrected, and indeed I often visit The Straight Dope to have my “ignorance fought”. I assure you, I opened this thread in the honest hope of _either_ showing the world what a ghastly sort of fellow **Starving Artist** is, _or_ letting the bright light of the collective Dope Intellect shine upon my brain and correct my misapprehensions on this issue. So if any of you can definitely prove that, prior to this posting, **Starving Artist** emphatically denied that he was going to break into all of our houses and steal everything we owned, I am quite willing to have my ignorance fought in this manner. On further reflection, I realise some might say, “But **Nancarrow** , such ambitions as you ascribe are totally impossible! **Starving Artist** might conceivably attempt to break into one of our homes, but given the institutions of law and order that envelop and protect us all, **SA** simply wouldn’t have the means to realise his ambitions.” I admit this is true, and perhaps I phrased the title of this thread badly. Allow me to clarify. Mods, would you be so kind as to change the title of this thread to “Tell me Starving Artist isn’t a would-be burglar”? Thanks so much. You see, by ‘burglar’, I was speaking of his own predilections and the lengths to which he would go to remove property from an unwilling populace, not that he could manage to become a burglar in point of fact. I know you’ll all enjoy correcting my errors in this thread. After all, what’s the point of ‘fighting ignorance’ if the ignorantee (: pukey smiley: ) is supposed to do his own fighting? You may also be thinking, “Come on **Nancarrow** , tell us another! You can’t actually find any evidence that **Starving Artist** ever made such a statement can you?” Well, truly I cannot. But you see, I seem to recall he made it some fifteen or sixteen years ago, back in the days when the internet was in its infancy. Regrettably, it was all swept under the carpet and scant evidence exists of it nowadays. Consider also this Q and A, that could have appeared on any website on the Internet over the last… er, existence of the Internet. > [@](#): > > Q. What if I actually quite like the things I have and don’t want to be parted from them? > > A. Well, under the laws of this country and also most other countries of the world, you get to keep them. End of discussion. Now such a Q&A would certainly _seem_ to undermine my worries about **Starving Artist**. But I ask you, what precipitated the need for both question and answer, had concerns about this not arisen before? Hmm? Finally, please note that, as I sincerely wish either to vilify **Starving Artist** or humbly to seek information regarding my error in this matter, I will probably not be responding to any replies to this thread. Unless of course, I _do_. In that case, please accept my apologies, and also this notice that, because all such replies have merely descended to name-calling, I really _will_ subsequently refrain from posting. Unless I’m too fucking drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/2 "2007-03-05T21:54:26Z")
What are you talking about? I never say this, but whatever you’re on? I could use some of it right about now. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/3 "2007-03-05T21:56:32Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] What are you talking about? I never say this, but whatever you’re on? I could use some of it right about now. [/QUOTE] He is riffing on [Tell me Hillary wouldn’t be a socialist dictator.](http://208.100.26.199/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411047). I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think **Nancarrow** made his point pretty darn well. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/4 "2007-03-05T21:57:34Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] He is riffing on [Tell me Hillary wouldn’t be a socialist dictator.](http://208.100.26.199/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411047). I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think **Nancarrow** made his point pretty darn well. Jim [/QUOTE] You can have parodies but unless the rules have changed you need to provide a linky-poo in the OP or in a subsequent post. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/5 "2007-03-05T21:59:07Z")
I don’t think this is a joke thread. It’s satire, not just a punchline. This might be closed if the mods think we should stick to mocking \*\*SA \*\* in his own thread, though. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/6 "2007-03-05T22:02:11Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] You can have parodies but unless the rules have changed you need to provide a linky-poo in the OP or in a subsequent post. [/QUOTE] My apologies. **What Exit?** has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be _only_ jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not _also_ be humorous, then all we’d really be left with is recreational outrage threads. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/7 "2007-03-05T22:08:15Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think **Nancarrow** made his point pretty darn well. [/QUOTE] You misunderstand the rule. Parody threads are allowed, and that’s clearly what this is. (Pittings are also allowed to be humorous, as long as they are genuine.) **Nancarrow** did err, however, in not linking to the original thread, but this has now been remedied. There shouldn’t be a reason to close it. In any case, with regard to the OP: Right on target. Well done! ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/8 "2007-03-05T22:08:17Z")
[QUOTE=Nancarrow] My apologies. **What Exit?** has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be _only_ jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not _also_ be humorous, then all we’d really be left with is recreational outrage threads. [/QUOTE] My apologies back and an excellent parody to go with the excellent pitting. \*\*Colibri \*\*, you got me by mere seconds. I see my mistake and I do apologize. Jim ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/9 "2007-03-05T22:14:16Z")
Nice parody. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/10 "2007-03-05T22:33:16Z")
It won’t be closed, don’t worry. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/11 "2007-03-05T22:38:31Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] It won’t be closed, don’t worry. [/QUOTE] Do go on, **Liberal**. What is your point here? ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/12 "2007-03-05T22:41:01Z")
[QUOTE=Hentor the Barbarian] Do go on, **Liberal**. What is your point here? [/QUOTE] Ah, shit. Way to take the bait, man. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/13 "2007-03-05T22:41:05Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] It won’t be closed, don’t worry. [/QUOTE] Post padder. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/14 "2007-03-05T22:41:39Z")
[QUOTE=Hentor the Barbarian] Do go on, **Liberal**. What is your point here? [/QUOTE] Um, that he shouldn’t worry. It won’t be closed. He hasn’t run afoul of any rule or protocol. It is a long established custom that the Pit is the place for parodies. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/15 "2007-03-05T22:44:58Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] Um, that he shouldn’t worry. It won’t be closed. He hasn’t run afoul of any rule or protocol. It is a long established custom that the Pit is the place for parodies. [/QUOTE] Oh, well, then. What a nice thought. It was nice of you to offer your opinion on what will happen to the thread, then. Boy, that **Liberal**. He’s just such a nice young man. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/16 "2007-03-05T22:45:56Z")
Indeed. If it had been a _joke_ thread, it would have been titled **Why did the socialist dictator burglar cross the road?** , or **How many socialist dictator burglars does it take to change a light bulb?** , or perhaps **So a socialist, a dictator, and a burglar walk into a bar…** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/17 "2007-03-05T22:47:56Z")
[QUOTE=Nancarrow] My apologies. **What Exit?** has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be _only_ jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not _also_ be humorous, then all we’d really be left with is recreational outrage threads. [/QUOTE] I do think you made your point wonderfully. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/18 "2007-03-05T22:53:58Z")
_Cough_. Hey, _fuckface_, this is a PIT thread. thanks anyway ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/19 "2007-03-05T22:55:00Z")
[QUOTE=Nancarrow] _Cough_. Hey, _fuckface_, this is a PIT thread. thanks anyway [/QUOTE] Sorry. Everybody likes you, and your thread, it seems. But if you really want - Provide a fucking link next time, asshole! …Nah, I can’t really mean it. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726/20 "2007-03-05T22:57:38Z")
[QUOTE=Hentor the Barbarian] Oh, well, then. What a nice thought. It was nice of you to offer your opinion on what will happen to the thread, then. Boy, that **Liberal**. He’s just such a nice young man. [/QUOTE] And you were nice to join in as well. Let us kiss one another. Tea? Crumpet? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-starving-artist-wouldnt-be-a-burglar/394726.md?page=2)