# Tell me why you should receive the perfect cookie. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488 "2010-06-17T00:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/1 "2010-06-17T00:04:45Z")
By means that are none of your goddman business, I have come into the possession of one hundred forty-four perfect cookies. _Utterly perfect_. They were baked by none other than the greatest of the Noldor, even Galadriel, based on the recipe for lembas but modified, purified, and perfected. Not even she can ever make their like again. These cookies taste different to each person who eats them. If your favorite sort of cookie is the ginger snap, that’s what you’ll perceive; if you’re the sort who prefers oatmeal raisin or Oreos or S’mores, you’ll taste that; and so forth. But what does not vary is their effect on the mortal mind and body. Eating just one can sustain a full-grown man for an entire week, and the merest nibble can restore courage and hope to a heart grown chill. Tell me why I should give you one of these cookies. No more than one to a customer. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/2 "2010-06-17T00:10:50Z")
Because I was the first one to respond. The early bird gets the worm…so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/3 "2010-06-17T00:12:04Z")
I have never created a global environmental disaster. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/4 "2010-06-17T00:16:51Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > Because I was the first one to respond. The early bird gets the worm…so to speak. Four things: 1. In the first place, I don’t have any worms. I have COOKIES. 2. In the second place, wouldn’t [this](http://albino-rhino.com/images/S96RedNewDragon.JPG)be the perfect worm? 3. I forgot what this one was. Something about Sarah Palin. 4. Your name’s going in the “maybe” pile. ---
**Author:** ![Mithril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mithril/32/3517_2.png) [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/5 "2010-06-17T00:49:05Z")
Because I think I make the perfect chocolate chip cookie, and you, being Skald, would love to prove me wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/6 "2010-06-17T00:59:59Z")
Because I will pay someone to kill or maim you if you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/7 "2010-06-17T01:07:07Z")
Because I will kill or maim whoever **Chefguy** hires if I get a cookie. ---
**Author:** ![SevenOfTeemingMillions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@SevenOfTeemingMillions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SevenOfTeemingMillions)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/8 "2010-06-17T01:22:01Z")
O Glorious Skald, who art in Heavenly Kitchen, hallowed be thy oven. Give me this day thy Divine Cookie. And I shall travel the land preaching the Glories of the Divine Cookies. I shall slay the blasphemous cookies sold in supermarkets (by scarfing them) that are pale imitations of the Divine Cookies. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/9 "2010-06-17T01:28:13Z")
Because if you give me the cookie, I promise not to grind it up and use it to spike the water at my political rallies in order to condition my supporters to the very heights of fanaticism. Consider the horrors that would ensue if I were forced to … procure … a cookie though means not of your choosing, and used it to ensure that my followers genuinely felt stronger, more powerful, more competent at my speeches. Imagine the dedication they would show as they went forth, secure in the knowledge that whatever they did in my cause was surely right - else, why would they feel as they did? Best not to chance it. Why not avoid all that unpleasantness by simply _giving_ me the cookie? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/10 "2010-06-17T01:33:12Z")
Because you like me. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/11 "2010-06-17T01:33:39Z")
Because there is no one cuter, more fun or more attractive than I. You give me this cookie to pay homage to my beauty, wit and compassion. I am the Ultimate Woman; the Ideal to which all other women can merely aspire. The cookie can go to no one else; its destiny lies with me. You’re welcome! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/12 "2010-06-17T01:42:57Z")
Because I just made a really wonderful pot of soup for dinner. (Sort of minestrone-like, with sausage, tortellini, and lots of veggies.) ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/13 "2010-06-17T01:46:02Z")
I don’t want your cookie. Ha! Precious. What has it got in it’s pocketses. Nasty skaldses. We’ll wait we will. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/14 "2010-06-17T01:46:28Z")
May I please have a perfect cookie? If I don’t get one, thanks anyway =) ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/15 "2010-06-17T01:50:26Z")
That one in the bottom row, third from the right, is actually _slightly_ imperfect. I’d be happy to dispose of it, so as not to dim the perfection of the other one hundred forty-three. ---
**Author:** ![SevenOfTeemingMillions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@SevenOfTeemingMillions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SevenOfTeemingMillions)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/16 "2010-06-17T02:56:52Z")
I just realized that there’s a sure-fire way of getting a cookie: _puppy eyes_ (But if Skald does not like dogs, then I return to worshipping the ground touched by the shadows of Skald’s baking pan.) (That’s weird. Isn’t “worshipping” spelled with two P’s? I ask because as I’m typing, the red line indicating a misspelled word appears under “worshipping” but disappears if I type “worshiping”.) ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/17 "2010-06-17T03:26:56Z")
Because I got a “Bravo!” for [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12584297&postcount=28) from **Satchmo** and I’m sure he would also think that merits a cookie. Do you have something against **Satchmo**? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/18 "2010-06-17T03:32:32Z")
> [@SevenOfTeemingMillions](#): > > \ > > (That’s weird. Isn’t “worshipping” spelled with two P’s? I ask because as I’m typing, the red line indicating a misspelled word appears under “worshipping” but disappears if I type “worshiping”.) My spellcheck never likes two consonants in a row in words with ing or ed added, either, but I think it is misinformed. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/19 "2010-06-17T03:33:31Z")
Because cookies are my favorite food and you, oh great and wonderful **Skald the Rhymer** are my favorite-est poster evah. \ ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/20 "2010-06-17T04:06:47Z")
My grandmother is dying, and letting me eat that cookie is the only thing that can save her life. Please, for Grandma’s sake… ☹ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488.md?page=2)